


Falling; Catching

by indiesoul



Category: Carol (2015), The Price of Salt - Patricia Highsmith
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Carol is a professor, Drama, Drama & Romance, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/F, Fluff, Mystery, Romance, Sex Club, Therese is her student, They both have secretes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-14
Updated: 2019-05-01
Packaged: 2019-06-27 10:06:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 78,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15683238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/indiesoul/pseuds/indiesoul
Summary: Carol Aird is an Art professor, Therese Belivet one of her students, and they both have a secret.Will they be able to find love in the darkness of the night, under the red fluorescent lights?





	1. At Night

**Author's Note:**

> This is so very experimental and also my very first story in this fandom so, please bear with me. I would love to hear what you think of this first part. It’s gonna be a multichapter:)

She had been running late for class, yet again. She really needed to buy herself a new alarm, a loud one, maybe one that makes you jump out of bed the second it goes off. As usual, she hadn’t slept much last night, her shift at work ended at 3AM and the lecture was supposed to begin at 9AM. It wasn’t exactly what you’d call a good night's sleep. 

Despite her lack of rest, she had crawled out of bed, just like any other morning. She spent just a little extra time figuring out her outfit, which she wanted to put some extra effort on seeing as it was the day of her presentation. She soon left her apartment to make a quick stop at the nearest Starbucks – badly needing her daily dose of caffeine. 

She was near campus, the building where she attended class was now only five minutes away - so close. If she sped up her pace maybe she could get there in less than four minutes, which wasn’t much of a difference but right now she was sure that even a couple of seconds were better than nothing at all. There was something about entering Professor Aird’s class late that was utterly petrifying, when all the other students were already carefully and dutifully paying attention to her speech, only taking their eyes off briefly to meet the source of their distraction. And the look on her professor’s face, those eyes were able to bore a hole into Therese’s head merely by staring at her. 

She was running, running as fast as she could with her coffee in one hand and the portfolio in the other, and her bulky backpack on her shoulders. She was too focused on not tripping over, and most importantly on getting to class at a decent time. It was already past 9 anyway, so she settled for a tardiness that could still be considered acceptable. But sometimes things simply don’t work out in your favour. She started to think that maybe the universe wasn’t such a big fan of her. 

Because of course – of course – her shoulder had to bump into another student making her lose the firm grip on her to-go cup, consequently spilling hot brown liquid all over her immaculate button up shirt. 

Yeah, it must have been the universe, because Therese really didn’t want to think that she could _solely_ be the cause of her own misfortunes.

Her shirt was completely ruined; wet and smelling like her Venti-hot Vanilla Macchiato. So she quickly made a detour at one of the restrooms, remembering she brought an extra top with her which was actually meant for later when she was meeting with her friend, since she wouldn’t have been able to go back home and change into more comfortable clothes. And _damn_ , that top was definitely not something she should wear in class. It was an AC/DC vest shirt that had a deep cut on either sides of her torso, exposing too much of her skin and showing part of her bra, but right now she would have to make it work. 

She finally stepped into the very crowded classroom, the door closed with a loud thud and dozens of heads jolted to where the unexpected sound came from. Therese faced her professor, bowing her head in a gesture of courtesy and apology. She looked at Therese steadily, letting her gaze travel up and down her slouching figure, scrutinizing every single inch of her body, excruciatingly slow, and never in her entire life had Therese ever wanted more for a big endless hole to suddenly appear under her feet and swallow her completely.

“Take your seat.” Professor Aird spoke in a gravelly voice. She never quite faced Therese. Her eyes didn’t even bother to face her when she admonished her.

Therese gulped visibly and nodded before walking towards one of the few vacant chairs. She settled in her seat and took out her notebook and pen, not wasting any more time, and fixated her look on the professor. 

She hung on her every word. 

Professor Carol Aird was one of the most respectable teachers of the Visual arts in the whole country. Being part of her class of students was considered an immense honour, and one of her recommendation letters could set you up for pretty much any role in this field. But it wasn’t only that; her deep cultivated culture, the way she talked, so sophisticated and articulated – almost like she belonged to another era – she could persuade any intellectual being with her words. No one could even dream of contradicting whatever she said.

And her figure, her body language, she exuded self-confidence and power solely by standing still; like she was now, leaning against her desk, one ankle crossed over the other, and her back impossibly straight, a posture that gave off the impression of being a particularly strict, and closed-off person. Even her choice of fashion reflected her strong and charismatic personality, like the cream yellow suit she wore today over the white button up shirt, paired with her turquoise Décolletè heels. Vibrant and powerful at the same time.

She was also extremely intimidating, her glacier blue eyes and the perpetual stoic expression on her face definitely didn’t help, making her look absolutely unapproachable. She literally scared the shit out of Therese, today in particular, since she had to present the project to her. She worked so hard on her portfolio, it was a two-months worth of neverending stress, and late nights spent with her nose buried in books and her sketchbook. She wasn’t entirely satisfied with the result – which was normal for Therese being incredibly critical of her own work – still, she was very proud for finishing the assignment on time between her daily classes on campus and the almost-nightly job. 

An hour and half later, the lecture came to an end. However, nobody dared to get up from their seats just yet, not before she dismissed them. Therese was squirming in her chair, anxious to get the presentation over with; she absolutely, irrevocably detested showing her work to others.  
“Mr. Zhang, Ms. Wright, Ms. Flores, Mr. Cooper, and Ms. Stewart you can approach my desk, we’ll be going over you’re portfolios together in a few minutes. Everybody else, the lecture is over, you may go now. I’ll see you on Tuesday and please, don’t forget to study for your test. Don’t make me go through abominable works of yours.”

Therese’s heart pumped an extra beat at the words of Professor Aird. _Why didn’t she call my name?_ She was supposed to be in that group, no – she was in that group. She was sure of that, so why did she skip her name? It was most probably a slip, Therese convinced herself, and decided to wait for the all of her classmates to leave before approaching the professor. Whatever this was, she didn’t want prying eyes in her business.

 

She hesitantly walked towards the rest of the group and patiently waited for the older woman to acknowledge her presence. When that didn’t happen she cleared her throat trying to draw attention without disturbing any further.

“Yes?” Professor Aird turned her head to finally face her, looking Therese over her black-framed glasses. 

“Excuse me Professor Aird, but I think there’s been some mistake. I’m supposed to present my portfolio today with this group.”

“No mistakes Ms. Belivet,” the older woman said, her eyes piercing and slightly narrowed, as if wondering how a student just dared to question her choices. 

“But..”

“You can go now,” when she spoke again, her attention was directed solely to the other students once again, leaving Therese agape and utterly confused.  
But the young woman was extremely persistent, so she waited outside the classroom for nearly an hour hoping she could get an explanation from her professor after she was done surveying the lucky student’s portfolios. 

When the door finally opened, Therese sprint into action following the older woman who was already several steps away heading for the exit. 

“Professor Aird,” Therese shouted, but the blonde never faltered.

“Professor Aird,” She tried again, and this time a very annoyed professor turned her head to face her. 

“Ms. Belivet,” she simply stated, acknowledging the younger woman.

“Professor, I don’t understand. I should have presented my wor-” Therese’s speech was suddenly cut short by a firm hand held in the air between the two of them.

“Let me stop you there Ms. Belivet. There’s been no mistake, I know you were on the list for today’s presentation, I drew it up myself. I did not call your name earlier not because I overlooked it, but because you were supposed to submit your work by 6 of yesterday evening, instead I’ve received your application three hours later, and I simply do not tolerate such negligence in my class.”

Therese was at a loss for words, she was faltering looking for something – anything – to say that wouldn’t make her look like she was a total incompetent. 

“I apologize Professor Aird. I know I was way past my deadline, but I got stuck with another shift at work the other night, and I was sure I could make it on time. I know I didn’t, but please, I worked very hard on it, I’m asking for another chance to show you the project.“

“You can submit it again with the next group."

“But, that’s in six weeks. I need it for my application for the Master’s program.”

“Ms. Belivet, I’m sure that what you’ll take from this experience, is to never leave your assignments to the very last minute. Now if you’ll excuse me,” professor Aird finally said, gesturing with her hand towards the exit. She gripped the door handle but before opening it to walk out of the building, she turned around and faced Therese. “Oh, and one last thing, If I ever see you dressed as inappropriately as today, don’t even bother coming back to my class Ms. Belivet.”

Therese was shocked. Her eyes eyes watered in frustration, humiliation even. She felt her insides burning. There was no other feeling like the one you get when you realize that things are simply out of your control and there’s nothing you can do to fix them. When your mind starts thinking about all the ways a certain situation could have gone differently, better. How she could have prevented all of this from happening. 

If only she didn’t take that extra shift. If only she had finished that assignment earlier. If only she didn’t stop to grab her coffee. If only she didn’t wear a damn white shirt today.

If only.

 

***

 

“Terry!”

She heard a familiar voice calling her name from a distance, and turned around to see a too exuberant Dannie jogging towards her.

They were now in the outdoor common area of the University, where students would usually meet for lunch or for a quick rehearsal of some presentation they had. Teachers from all over campus would come here too, sometimes just to take a break from their tight schedules in the open air, sometimes to gather together and talk leisurely about their latest lectures. 

“Dannie...hi.” Therese greeted her friend, slowing down her walk for him to catch up but never really stopping. Her voice tight.

“Hey, hey…what’s going on?” Dannie asked, gripping Therese’s arm to stop her and prevent her from walking away.

Therese stood there, her chest heaved deeply as she panted from her vexation, trying desperately to keep her emotions at bay. To keep herself from exploding. 

“I hate her,” Therese spat, finally acknowledging Dannie’s concern.

“Who?”

“Professor Aird,” Therese spoke with nothing less than pure distaste and loath on her face.

“Why? She’s great! I mean, she surely terrifies me but she’s an awesome teacher nevertheless. _You_ liked her,” Dannie said, throwing his hand up in confusion. 

“Yeah, well now I don’t. She screwed my application for my Master degree, and for what? A couple of hours delay on my submission. I can’t believe it, Dannie. I was working day and night on that damn portfolio and now it’s all been for nothing." .” Therese stopped her ramble for a second, trying to steady her breathing and quell her shaken nerves, but failing anyway." Fuck, she’s a total bitch, I mean I knew it, cause that’s what anyone who has ever had a chance of meeting her says, and I didn’t believe it at first but now it’s just.. ” Her eyebrows were curling against each other and her eyes were wide open with anger, her voice low and rumbling but definitely louder than she had intended.

“Okay, first of all, you need to calm down.”

“Don’t tell me to calm down Dannie, you know that never works.”

“Second of all, _we_...” He said indicating the two of them with his finger. “don’t use the word bitch, remember?”

“But..” Therese tried to interject but was cut off once again by Dannie’s rebuke.

“Also, what are you talking about? I’m sure she’ll let you submit your portfolio again next time, and you’ll be good.” 

“Not next time. In six weeks.” Therese growled through gritted teeth. 

“Oh. Okay, that’s a bummer, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still include the portfolio in your application, even without her approval.”

“Dannie I know, but that’s not the point. We’re both aware that it has ten times the chances of being accepted if she’s the one giving it the green light.”

Dannie sighed. Therese was right, almost all of the portfolios Professor Aird had gone through were immediately accepted by any University in the country. Often even abroad.

“Don’t beat yourself up Therese, I’m sure you did a great job and you’ll be able to succeed, with or without her help. You’ll see,” He told his friend while wrapping his arm around her shoulder in support.

Therese shrugged defeatedly and let out a long sigh, “Whatever… Let’s go have lunch.”

 

They found an empty bench outside to sit on while eating their home made sandwiches. The sun was beating down on their skin. It wasn’t too harsh, but strong enough to leave a soft spring tan if they stayed out there for a couple of hours. The grass around them was a bright green, almost reflecting the light coming from the sky. 

Therese loved green. She thought it was one of the most relaxing and soothing colors of the entire spectrum. When she was a little girl she used to love spending time in Central Park, lying on the damp field and looking up at the the leaves of the tall trees moving in the breeze.

She focused on the grass now, trying to calm down her nerves.

She looked around, studying her surroundings. On her left were two benches full of other students chatting brightly with each other. She could hear two of them, sitting at one of the wooden tables that the outdoor area provided as they made plans for the weekend. It reminded her of when she used to plan weekends with her friends, when she still could. Therese hadn’t gone out on the weekend in a very long time. She was always working late, and when she was off she simply didn’t have the strength or energy to do anything other than lay in bed reading a book or watching a movie. 

At another table, in her line of vision, were about 6 professors. Almost all of them were from her same course. They were all eating, chatting, and going through some of their classes papers, all in each other’s company. It always felt particularly weird witnessing professors engaged in such normal activities, she sometimes forgot that they had a life outside campus, too.

When Therese turned her head to the right she spotted a woman, sitting at one of the tables. It was professor Aird – she could tell even from a distance – and she was alone, eating her food and taking sips of her coffee now and then, while reading something that looked like a book. She was always alone. Everytime Therese had a chance to encounter her around campus she was alone, always, she’d never seen her interact with other professors except for the customary regards exchanged out of politeness. 

Sometimes she even looked a little bit more _human_ when spotted off-guard in the safety of her own solitude.

And she had probably sensed that someone was watching her because she suddenly looked up, taking her eyes off her reading, and stared directly at Therese. But Therese was quick at averting her gaze, facing Dannie who was still very much deep into his one-sided conversation, not even noticing that his friend was completely lost in her own thoughts. 

Her heart was pounding erratically. The last thing she wanted was for professor Aird to think that she was looking at her with resentment. The last thing she wanted was for professor Aird to know that Therese was even remotely thinking about her.

 

***

 

Her shift started at 9PM. It was now a quarter to midnight when Therese finally stepped outside to take a break and enjoy a long-craved cigarette. Her work attire was extremely uncomfortable and she kept squirming inside the very tight confinements, pulling and adjusting the garment, and scratching every inch of her itching body.

She hated this job, but since her father had died she was left with little to no money to support herself, let alone pay for tuition.  
She used to work as a waitress at restaurants when she was a freshman in college, but she found herself, more times than she’d like to admit, struggling to pay rent and sometimes bringing food to the table. So she found this new job. Yes, she hated it, but they treated her well and it payed that extra cash that was enough for her to not worry about being evicted.

Therese took a last drag of smoke, let the cigarette drop to the ground and extinguished the little remaining with the tip of her high heel.  
She put the mask back on and entered the clubhouse, resuming her shift.

Therese Belivet was still waitressing tables, although she stopped working in bars and restaurants a while ago. Now she would serve drinks and cocktails to the customers of a high-class VIP sex club.

It was a very peculiar place, hosting one of the most secretive and erotic events in New York City. As much as it might sounded vulgar and profane, it was actually quite modest considering the nature of the club, not in its aesthetic - on the contrary, that was anything but unpretentious and was extremely elaborated - but in the way the club worked. 

There were dancers, just like in any other strip club, that would also engage with the patrons. But, never in any sexual activity. No, that was solely reserved for the customers themselves. The club provided entertainment, and most importantly a safe environment for the anonymous clientele to embarking on forbidden sensual impulses with other patrons or with their own lovers, while some people even came here simply to watch. 

The customers, the girls dancing on stage, and the waitstaff were all shielded by masquerade masks of all sorts, allowing everyone in the club to be entirely incognito, completely nameless. It was also a place where black tie was mandatory, giving the people the chance of showing off their most luxurious and elegant looks. 

If you took out the many bedrooms that the place made available for the sexual encounters, and the display of some of the most erotic things you could witness, it was just another regular club, with alcohol and music to enjoy the night under the fluorescent lights. 

The girls at the bar and those working at the tables were required to wear tight leather corsets and vertiginous high heels, and of course their full-face masks. Therese was now very much accustomed to having her face completely enveloped in her uncomfortable, bunny black mask, which only exposes her eyes and nostrils. But, for the life of her, she simply could not get used to the itchy costume. It stuck in every place it could get, and that made her work here absolutely unbearable. 

The club was filled with all sorts of men and women, some of them were here with their respective partners, some of them were even married, others were here alone.

Letting her gaze wander into the crowd, Therese caught sight of one of the club’s habitué. She was always here alone and she only ever observed as anyone else would get busy with both old and newly found lovers. She would attentively watch the dance show while sipping her perfect Martini with two olives. She never touched another body and she never let herself be touched. She had _never_ , in the long time Therese had seen her coming here, got up from her usual seat in the very far corner of the room. 

Therese was always only able to glance a quick look in the dark at the beautiful woman. She knew she was tall and she could see her wavy blonde hair framing her face from behind the mask. She knew - she simply knew - she had to be gorgeous. There was something in the way she held herself, in the way she walked in the club with pure softness, not a single trace of hesitation in her body movements. 

Oh, and her dress. She wore a maroon satiny fabric dress that went down just under her knees, and that enveloped her statuesque figure perfectly. The extremely tight material accentuated her curves, and Therese could swear she could spend a lifetime tracing those beautiful lines solely with her eyes. The back was left exposed by a deep cut of the dress, only adorned by two thin crossed straps. She was wearing black stiletto boots that wrapped around her feet up to just above her ankles, and a butterfly mask that concealed her face completely.

She looked downright divine, even from a distance; even in the dark. 

Therese had caught herself staring at the blonde woman too many times during the months she’d been working at the club, sometimes even dreaming of getting close to her, brushing her fingers on her smooth ivory skin and leaning in to smell her scent directly from her golden locks. She just looked like the most unattainable woman Therese had ever laid eyes on, like a distant mirage, a blurry dream she could never reach, nothing more. 

All of a sudden, the gorgeous woman did something she had never done before, she rose from her chair and slowly walked towards the bar and shallow-rhythmic-breathing Therese. 

The brunette felt unexpectedly nervous and a rush of pure lust crawled up her insides, leaving her utterly transfixed. Her mouth went dry and her heart was beating erratically in her chest, feeling like it might explode at any moment. 

She’d always imagined this moment, playing the fictional scene in her fantasy, frame by frame, her mind would often be flooded with images of the blonde woman approaching her. She wanted to know her, she wanted to touch her. But, now that her fantasies were finally turning into reality she was lost, completely petrified, unable to move or speak, or simply form coherent thoughts, as the woman reached the bar and placed her delicate, manicured hands on the countertop, directly facing Therese.

“Can I have another Martini with a twist of lemon? This time make it dirty, please.”  
God, the way she let the _‘r'_ seductively roll down her tongue. And her voice, it’s exactly how she imagined it, low and coming from the depths of her throat. It was a voice with authority but it still produced the softest of sounds. She could listen to it all day. 

“Miss?”

Therese was suddenly snapped out of her reverie by that same voice urging her to acknowledge her request.  
“Uh, yes. A dirty Martini with a twist of lemon coming your way,” She said, so much faster than she intended. 

The woman chuckled lightly at Therese’s awkwardness and she wondered how such a lovely and ingenuous girl could be working in a place like this. 

Neither of them said anything else before Therese handed her the the cocktail. The woman took it in her hand and put it up nearing her slightly parted red lips, but before she let herself take a sip of the aromatized liquor she swiftly, and so very smoothly, flicked her blonde hair back, away from her face, allowing her strong perfume to invade the small space between the two women. Therese breathed it in committing her scent to memory. It was heady and strong, but delicate at the same time; it captured the essence of passion. She smelled like freesia and rose and spring. It was sweet yet musky, simply intoxicating.

The woman finally took a sip of her Martini and after putting it down she locked eyes with Therese, thanked her kindly, and went back to her table. 

In that moment, Therese had a chance to quickly glance at her eyes. Ice cold blue eyes, almost grey. It wasn’t even the color that was so breathtaking as it was the feeling she got when she lost herself in the frozen depth of them; a feeling of belonging and craving. She was sure she’d been pulled into their magnitude, like when you dive yourself into the profundity of the ocean.  
Those eyes would forever haunt her restless dreams.

***

The next day Therese was on campus again, her morning lecture with Professor Davis had just ended and she was waiting in one of the main hallways for Dannie to meet her after his own class.  
She was absently scrolling through her phone when a familiar sweet yet musky scent filled her nose and paralyzed her other senses. It was the same perfume of the beautiful, mysterious woman from the club, she could tell even among a crowd of people.  
She didn’t have the time to register her surroundings, too lost in her own reminiscence, before a wave of the heady fragrance invaded her nostrils once again, only to turn around and see her.

She looked up and looked directly into Therese’s eyes, nodding her head in a polite acknowledgement. “Ms. Belivet.”

In that moment it felt like the earth had suddenly stopped turning and the ground had collapsed on itself, and any commotion surrounding her had ceased to exist. She was sure her heart skipped a few beats, the loud rhythmic pulse pounding in her ears – too loud – making it impossible for her to focus on anything else. Her legs felt wobbly, but Therese never realized the feeling of unbalance that was now possessing her body.

“Good morning Professor Aird.”


	2. Lost; Lust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is more exploratory. I needed to prepare the ground for Carol's side in this story, and I wanted to pay some extra attention to Therese's confusion and frustration with her own conflicting feelings, before moving forward with the story. Also, hopefully it might give you more indications of their personalities and how their minds work.  
> I'll update very soon and we'll definitely see more in the next chapters.  
> I'm so grateful for all of your feedbacks so far, please don't stop letting me know what you think of this story, you're, your comments really keep me inspired.  
> Ps. off to watch Carol. Again..

It was 7.35 AM and Therese was eating her bowl of cheerios trying not to think too hard about her lecture later that morning. She had been skipping classes the last three days after what she had come to discover, and she called in sick at work asking for a few days off.

She had not seen _her_ in almost a week.

Today she would have returned to her regular routine, hoping she could still carry on and finish the semester as if nothing ever happened. She didn’t even want to acknowledge it, didn’t want to hear the words uttered in her own mind – _I saw professor Aird at a sex club._

She did not want to think about the images of her sinuous body swaying seductively towards her; about the soft swell of her breasts beautifully accentuated by a dress that was just so perfectly _her_ , and yet it wasn’t; about her scent, simply inebriating.

And fuck her traitorous mind for letting her wander in such forbidden territory.

Therese was still absently eating her breakfast, entirely lost in her thoughts when she found herself lightning up a cigarette and inhaling a long drag of the hot-burning smoke. She wasn’t one who’d usually enjoy smoking so early in the morning, but the erratic pumping of her heart had to get back on beat. She needed her hands to stop sweating, and her head to cease throbbing incessantly, and sometimes the soothing action of bringing a cigarette to her lips and breathe deeply in was enough to settle her nerves.

She let her eyes wander around her small studio apartment until her gaze fell on the big brown envelope sitting on her desk. The portfolio she worked so hard on for the last two months, the one Professor Aird had turned down, dismissing her like she wasn’t even worth two minutes of her time. A new wave of indignation crawled its way up her spine, settling in the pit of her stomach.

That woman was a nightmare. Therese had never met someone as rude and uncaring of other people’s work as professor Aird, and she found her absolutely intolerable. But then why could she feel a strong, familiar warmth pooling in her belly and an insatiable, uncontrollable urge to clench her thighs together whenever her face came to mind?

Therese leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes in frustration. She sighed, and took another drag of her cigarette not realizing that time had passed quickly while she let her mind drift to someone she had been trying so hard to ignore. She soon realized she would be running late for class once again.

She managed to get there only five minutes after the lecture began. Today she decided to use the back door and try to sneak in unnoticed. Even though this time professor Aird didn’t acknowledge her presence with a stiff remark, Therese could still feel her piercing eyes following her every step of the way to her chair.

She ungracefully plopped onto her seat, letting her body slide down a few inches to hide herself behind one of her classmate’s figures; her eyes carefully cast down the entire time, desperately trying to avoid her gaze.

The entire lecture was torturous. Hearing her speak in her deep throaty voice, a sound that was capable of burning and soothing her at the same time. It was like the lure of a siren’s song, so beautiful and dangerously tempting. Focusing on that treacherous sound alone was one of the hardest things Therese has ever had to endure.

Her heart rate skyrocketed when the clicking sound of her heels felt increasingly louder with each step professor Aird took, as she kept meticulously expounding the history behind life drawings in the 18th century Europe.

Her nude shoes were the first thing that entered Therese’s field of view. With her eyes firmly fixed on one imaginary point on the floor. She could gradually trace the woman’s body, from her slender ankles to her strong calves, and the hem of her red bodycon skirt up to her waist.

Therese’s chest visibly heaved with every deep shallow breath she took. A heavy feeling of dizziness ran over her, and her dry mouth made it impossible to swallow. She _swore_ , no one had ever had the ability to make her feel like this before, pathetically overwhelmed by someone’s mere proximity.

“You, with the blue sweater.” professor Aird said indicating the guy whom Therese had been using as her human shield for a good hour and a half now. “What’s your name?”

“Um, Patrick Jones.” The gentleman replied.

“Mr. Jones, can you name three of the most renowned artists known for using the drawing technique I’ve been illustrating?” Professor Aird asked, still standing too unbearably close to Therese.

“Uh, I’d say Leonardo da Vinci and Rembrandt?” He replied in a trembling voice. Perhaps he too felt incredibly intimidated by the woman’s presence.

“Is that a question Mr. Jones, or an answer?”

“No, no…an answer.”

“What else? You named only two artists.” Professor Aird continued, her arms crossed and her head slightly tilted to one side waiting for his answer.

The young man stuttered when he spoke again. “Um, I- I don’t know.”

Poor guy, Therese felt incredibly lucky for not being in his situation right now.

“I see,” the professor said, regarding him with a disappointed look. “What about you?”

Therese’s eyes widened in horror when she felt professor Aird’s attention directed at her. _Of course._

Her breathing came out ragged, and she had to inhale deeply to steady her nerves before answering her question. “Uhm, Annibale Carracci. He was a famous painter from the 16th century who was also known for his attentive studies on the human body. He insisted on drawing solely from the life, as he considered that to be the foundation of artistic practice.”

Therese blurted the information out in one single breath, never quite looking her in the eyes. Too afraid of losing the precarious control she was managing to master.

“Very good Ms. Belivet.”

She finally let her breath out.

“Now, speaking of drawing, I know some of you attend Ms. Ramirez’ figure drawing class, but I have to inform you she had to take a leave from work for a few weeks. I’ll be taking her place for a while, so I’ll see you in class tomorrow afternoon.”

When she thought things couldn’t get any worse, the universe would always throw Therese a curve. It wasn’t even remotely possible to attend the class _she_ would be teaching, not this time – especially not this course. She would have to skip that one too, but what about her grades? What about her attendance? And fuck, she loved that class, it always had been her favourite time of the day since she had signed up for it.

It was two hours out of her flat daily life where she could relish a moment of tranquility; where she could lose herself in something as intricate and fine as drawing. To capture the beauty and pay attention to the details; to her, that was one of the most calming things, capable of quelling her inner chaos and restore her peace of mind.

She could not believe Professor Aird was now taking that away from her.

Almost all of the students had already left when Therese found herself still sitting on her chair in the half-empty classroom. She quickly collected her things wanting to get out of there as fast as she could, but her movements came abruptly to a halt when she heard her name called loudly.

“Ms. Belivet, in my office please.”

Oh, what a twisted way this damn universe had of mocking her.

Therese had never been in professor Aird’s office before, and the moment she stepped inside the well illuminated room, she was instantly hit by the realization that everything in there was absolutely _her_. From the vintage leather couch placed in a corner near the big window, to the elaborated chandelier hanging from the ceiling. The walls were decorated by many paintings from different artists and movements, and Therese thought there was simply nothing that could represent her personality better than these pictures. One of them in particular caught her attention, it was Egon Shiele’s _Two Women_ , a work so radical for its period that the artist was actually imprisoned for being considered a pornographer. It’s a painting that plainly and unashamedly depicts women as sexual beings.

What a congruous choice, she thought.

“Please, take a seat,” professor Aird said, gesturing towards one of the armchairs which matched the couch in colour and style.

Therese sat down quietly waiting for her to take her place behind the desk. She let her bag drop on the floor, and her shoulders curl in a slouching position – her posture a perfect resemblance of her inner turmoil. She didn’t know what to expect, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to find out.

“I’ve noticed you skipped class the last three days.”

_She did?_

“And I wanted to make sure it wasn’t our little disagreement that caused your absence,” the professor said, looking steadily into Therese’s eyes.

She had no idea how to respond to that. She was definitely not expecting her to notice her absence, let alone be confronted about it.

She settled for telling the most cliche lie of all. “No, professor, that has nothing to do with it. I was just…hit by the flu, so I had to take a few days off.”

She was looking intently at Therese, her hands laced together under her chin supporting her head, studying her. Her blue eyes never blinked, making the brunette squirm in her chair under the crushing weight of her stare. “Mm, I see.”

The older woman _finally_ averted her eyes, taking a package of cigarettes from the desk drawer. “Do you mind?” She said with a cigarette already between her fingers.

Therese shook her head slightly and answered in a small voice. “No, not at all.”

She observed as her professor took the cigarette in her mouth, softly wrapping her signature red lips around its tip, and taking a long drag of it. Her head tilted slightly backward when she let the smoke out of her lungs, and Therese was sure her heart skipped a beat at the sight of such sensual gesture. _Why is it that she can never stop herself from staring when it came to her?_

She was lost, transfixed. Her wicked mind noticed even the smallest of details, like the way she brushed away a strand of hair falling over her face with her pinky, still holding the cigarette with her other fingers. Or the way she briefly closed her eyes when taking a puff. She noticed the light freckles on her cheeks only partially concealed by the thin layer of foundation. Even taking note of the small creases underneath her ice blue eyes; the way the golden light beaming through the window bathed her skin, bringing out a new palette of colors on her beautiful face.

She simply couldn’t stop. That woman was a powerful magnet pulling her in.

“Ms. Belivet,” the blonde woman spoke, snapping Therese out of her dangerous thoughts. She wasn’t sure how long she’d been lost in her daydream.

“Why did you choose this course of study?”

The question was sudden, and once again, unexpected. Though she wasted no time in answering this one.

“Art is – It’s the only thing I feel connected to. The only way I can communicate with myself. I don’t really know how to explain this professor Aird, I just know that it’s what feels right for me, like nothing else ever did in my life. ”

She didn’t intend on being so honest and open with her, but there was something about professor Aird that made the young woman feel _safe_. That could make Therese easily grant her access to the most profound and intimate parts of her.

When Therese looked up she saw her blue eyes gazing intensely at her, and a small shiver rolled down her spine.

A small, almost imperceptible smile appeared on her face before she responded. “Well, I’m really glad you’re here Ms. Belivet.”

The blonde rose from her chair and walked around her desk to face Therese and brush a gentle hand on her shoulder. It was so quick and soft that she questioned whether or not it actually happened.

“I hope to see you in class tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?”

“Yes, the figure drawing class,” professor Aird said.

Therese had completely forgot about it. “Oh right, yes, I’ll be there.” She said, picking up her bag from the floor and heading for the door.

“Thank you professor, see you tomorrow.”

“And, Ms. Belivet,” The blonde called, leaning back on the edge of her mahogany desk.

Therese turned around to face the woman once again. “Yes?”

“Tomorrow after class, bring me your portfolio.”

She simply nodded, before opening the door and stepping out of her office.

 

***

 

Carol Aird had been teaching Art for over a decade now, and she used to love her job. It was one of the most inspiring aspects of her long career in the field. Witnessing the growth of young women and men into promising new artists, being able to be a small part in such important journey as it is the one of education, to Carol was simply electrifying, to say the very least.

She started teaching when she was in her thirties, when she was happy and carefree, and newly married to her husband. This was a time when her job and her art were enough to make her feel content.

As years went by, her seemingly perfect world started crumbling down, breaking the spell she was living under. By the time she admitted to herself they had never really loved each other, their marriage had already started to take a nasty turn.

But, then her daughter came. Her little girl had casted a light in the dark shadows of her life. Harge loved her too, very deeply. They had decided to live under the same roof, sharing the same bed, for their daughter – although they’d stopped being husband and wife long before. Their perfect arrangement was then swept away when he started sleeping around, a year after Rindy, her daughter, was born. Carol on the other part, had never had the chance of building a new life outside their shattered pretence of a marriage. She had never again found intimacy with another human being. Oh, she tried, when she fell in love with Abigail, a woman she had met many years ago at a gallery – a woman she had to close her heart to when Harge threatened to take her daughter away.

Rindy, was now six years old and loved her father very much. Sometimes Carol thought her daughter had created a stronger bond with Harge than she did with her; she could see it in the way she would always ask for him – always. She knew that separating her from her father would destroy her, and Carol would do anything to keep her precious little girl happy – _anything_.

It had been many years since her life felt normal, and hadn’t felt so dull. Many years since she stopped feeling things to their fullest.

Carol smiled thinking of the brunette that was sitting in her office not long ago. The young woman was able to elicit something in her, a long-lost feeling of purpose. She saw the determination and pure passion in her eyes, the same she used to see when she looked in the mirror. There was something about this particular student that made her want to take risks, that reminded her of how beautiful it is to do something that makes you feel _good_. Maybe it was her ingenuousness and intelligence, or maybe it was the way she looked, like she had just fallen from the clouds.

Carol came to realize that she wanted to do everything in her power to make the girl thrive and succeed.

 

***

 

The life drawing class had yet to begin, but the room was already full of students behind their canvases, pencils and rubbers in hand, waiting for their new professor to arrive.

Therese was extremely nervous. She had sworn she wouldn’t have come to this class when it was professor Aird teaching it, but the way she told her she was hoping to see Therese here today was enough to make her go against her better judgment. Still, Therese wasn’t sure she had the strength to put up with this.

The moment she entered the room she already knew she couldn’t have made a worse decision. When she saw Professor Aird dressed in that black pencil skirt and a slightly see-through chiffon blouse of the same colour, followed by a young beautiful girl, who must have been in her late twenties, wrapped in a long white robe.

The girl slid the garment over her shoulder revealing her bare body to the crowd of students. She was almost completely exposed apart from her beige cotton panties. Her mid-length hair framed her face and enhanced the prominent and well-defined structure of her cheeks, full lips, and the perfect symmetry along her cupids bow. The perfect slope of her small nose made Therese itch with anticipation, eager to turn the girl’s beautiful curves into lines on her paper.

No wonder professor Aird chose her for this class.

The girl sat down on a small armchair in the middle of the room, and waited for the professor to adjust her position.

“This is Heloise, she will be your model.” she said, while placing her hand on the girl’s knee, parting her legs slightly.

“Now, I don’t want you to try to draw her perfectly, I want you to draw her real.” Professor Aird continued as she walked behind the chair to lean the model’s body down onto her back.

The way she put her hands on the girl’s naked body, the way she positioned her limbs, so gentle and assertive at the same time, made Therese breathe in that shallow rhythmic way she did whenever lust invaded her senses. Whenever _she_ was around.

Her eyes fixated on the professor’s hands over the young girl’s exposed skin. She knew there was nothing sexual about it, yet she found it incredibly erotic seeing how _perfect_ she looked touching a woman’s naked body – how confident she was.

“You may begin,” professor Aird said, while finding her seat.

It was only after an hour of class that Therese sensed a pair of cold blue eyes studying her. She stood behind one of the students who was showing her his work, but her eyes were firmly fixed on the brunette. A small trace of what seemed to be _knowledge_ deepened her gaze, as if she was aware of the things she did to her, of the power she held over Therese.

A few seconds later the blue eyes broke contact, diverting her attention back to the canvas.

Carol didn’t know how she let her control slip, how she let herself get lost in the image of the young brunette. But the way Therese squirmed in her seat, the way her eyes widened adorably everytime her hands were touching the model’s naked body caused Carol to briefly – only if for moment – uncage herself.

And it was stupid, and inconsiderate, and _so_ very inappropriate, but she couldn’t help herself. There was just something she still couldn’t grasp about this beautiful, young woman that Carol swore was able to liberate the most hidden carefree side of her.

This strange girl who looked – flung out of space.

Her _student_.


	3. Something About You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to wait anoter day before uploading this but I just couldn't help myself, so here it is.  
> I'm really curious about what you think of this one since I enjoyed so much writing , let me know:)  
> As usual, I'm grateful for all of your kudos and lovely thoughts you're leaving in the comments!

“This is great work, Ms. Belivet. To be honest, I’m not surprised. You’re one of those few students who really stand out, and you’ve already proved yourself multiple times.”

They headed back to the professor’s office after the life drawing class had ended. The brunette was finally showing her professor the portfolio and had she never been more pleased with a student’s work like she was now with Thereses’s. She wanted to let her know how impressed she was – she wanted to let her know how _proud_ she was – but the girl still needed a further spur.

Carol could tell, thanks to her many years of practice, that Therese was a particularly insecure girl. She could tell Therese was especially unconfident when it came to her own work, and that she probably had the bad habit of selling herself short resulting in works that lacked the excellence Carol was sure she could achieve.

“Thank you professor.”

“Do you understand why I haven’t let you present this with the group?” Carol asked, lacing her fingers together and leaning back on her chair.

“Yes. I was late submitting it. ”

“That’s a reason for sure.” She said while taking her glasses off and keeping eye contact with the brunette.“Ms. Belivet, I think you have a great potential, but I don’t see you _really_ making the most of it.”

“Oh, I’m – ” Carol put her hand up, interrupting Therese mid-sentence

“In addition to that, you’re constantly late, whether it is in class or finishing your assignments.”

“I know, I know…I apologize professor Aird.”

“It’s not me you should work hard for. If you want to achieve something you do that for _yourself_. You should want to do your best for you, never for others.”

Therese simply nodded, she was at a loss for words. Never in a million years she would have thought of professor Aird as someone who’d give her students life advice.

“You have a great talent kid, I don’t want to see you wasting it.”

Therese felt an inexplicable sharp, sudden pain in her chest. Did she really just call her _kid_? She knew it was a term of endearment but did she really see her just as a kid?

And why was she feeling distressed by this anyway?

“Thank you professor Aird, I promise I’ll try to do my best,” Therese said, nervously fidgeting with her fingers. “Your class means a great deal to me,” she decided to add.

The older woman smiled at her. It was always refreshing seeing her work acknowledged by her students, but they were usually words uttered out of mere politeness, sometimes even to solely make a good impression. Not this time though, she could see the sincerity in the girl’s eyes.

“You can take you portfolio back home and work on those little tweaks I suggested, however I’ll be off-campus for a few days, so I wouldn’t be able to see it until Monday next week. Having said that, since you’re already late for your application I’ll give you my address and you can send me the portfolio at home so that I can have a look at it right away.” Carol said while grabbing a paper and a pen to write down her information.

She had never given anyone her address. Only her family and close friends knew where she lived. Carol treasured her privacy dearly, but most importantly since everything started going south with Harge she closed herself off more and more with each passing day. She found that she just couldn’t let anyone in her personal bubble anymore, and home was a place of great intimacy.

It had always been a self-imposed limit she had never thought she could cross – definitely not with one of her students.

But here she was, handing the young brunette her home address written down on paper, and she’d like to say that it didn’t feel right, that she regretted doing so the moment she finished writing it, but the truth was that nothing had ever felt so natural.

“Thank you, I’ll try to send it over as soon as possible.”

When Therese left, Carol found herself absently smiling at the small notebook she took that piece of paper from.

 

***

 

Today Carol was exhausted. She had been having troubles sleeping the last few days, and the extra class she was teaching didn’t help with the fatigue or her ever growing headache. She had entered her apartment already sure she would be going to bed right away, skipping dinner all together.

She was extremely glad Rindy was sleeping over at her grandmother’s house tonight. She loved having her daughter around, but Carol hadn’t been feeling herself lately. Tthere were things troubling her – things she still needed to make sense of – and the last thing she wanted was for Rindy to be affected by her own personal issues.

She set her keys on a table near the entrance and took her shoes off, particularly relaxed since she knew Harge wouldn’t be home for another couple of hours. It was comforting knowing she would have the house all to herself. She took her time to light up a cigarette and enjoy a smoke while heading for her bedroom to change into more comfortable clothes.

She sat down onto the bed, relishing for a while the relief it was providing to her legs, cramped from the too many hours standing on her high heels.

Her foot then caught in something that was lying under her bed, she looked down and picked up the lacy red thong that she didn’t recognize as her own. She held it precariously between her two fingers while she kept taking long drags of her cigarette.

Her blood boiled. She was furious to say the least, and deeply, tremendously humiliated. She put up with pretty much everything Harge was willing to throw at her, for her little girl she could bear the the fact that they were still living together, bear the knowledge that her husband slept with other _women_ – god knows, she craved the same thing – but she simply couldn't stand knowing he was fucking one of those girls on their wedding bed.

So Carol stood up, put out her cigarette, and carefully placed the lacy garment on her husband’s pillow. Then, she walked in her closet and put on one of her most provocative dresses.

Took her mask with her and left the apartment, heading to the one single place she knew she could find some relief.

 

***

 

The club was particularly empty that day, only a few people were sitting at the tables and others were just busy with their own activities. This allowed Therese to be a little more laid-back, and even take some extra breaks throughout her shift.

She had spotted her immediately when she entered the club and walked to her usual seat. She looked more ravishing and sexier every time she saw her, if that was even possible.

It wasn’t long before the blonde woman rose from her chair and took a seat at the bar – just like the week before. It surprised Therese, but this time she didn’t let it show, she didn’t let her witness the effect she had on her. This time she was prepared.

“Perfect Martini with two olives?” Therese asked, once the older woman had settled on her stool.

Carol smiled softly.“Yes, I’ll have that. Thank you.”

When Carol walked in the club, she only had one goal in mind, but upon seeing the pretty girl from the other night her plans had suddenly changed.

She was studying her, and the way she moved around the bar with acquired skill. Although Carol could tell she just didn’t belong here. She observed the way that leather corset enveloped her petite body and enhanced her perfect hourglass figure; the sharp lines of her collarbones, and her lean, muscular legs.

_She never looked like that._

“So, how long have you been working here?” Carol asked suddenly, breaking the silence.

“Uhm, a little over 10 months now.” Therese said lowering her tone and handing the woman her perfect Martini. She realized that if they were going to talk for more than just a few seconds, professor Aird would have soon recognized her voice.

“Hmm,” Carol acknowledged her response, rubbing her finger along the rim of the glass. “And do you enjoy it?”

“Oh, of course. Very much,” Therese answered her question, utterly transfixed with the woman’s moving fingers.

Carol’s voice dropped lower. She could sense the young girl’s uncertainty and she found that she suddenly wanted to know more about her. “Do you _really_ enjoy it?”

“Well, it’s not like I’ve been dreaming to do this but, I guess it’s good enough.”

“And what do you do when you’re not working here?”

Therese shrugged. It’s not that she could tell her she was an Art student. “Not much really, why?”

Carol was studying her intently, and Therese could see her eyes narrowing in contemplation even behind her mask. “Just curious dear. You look so…“ She trailed off, shaking her head slightly and taking a sip of her alcoholic beverage.

“How long have you been coming here?” It was Therese’s turn to ask questions.

The hesitancy in her voice amused Carol to no end; it was a stark contrast to the salacious outfit she wore. “A while. Long before you joined.”

“And have you ever engaged with… someone?” Therese’s voice came out small and tentative, yet again.

“Yes,” Carol’s answer was short and straightforward, not really open to further interpretations.

“I bet you have quite a few men waiting in line for you,” Therese felt a sudden possession come over her as she spoke these words. She was overstepping a boundary and she knew it, but once again her ability to filter her words was completely swept away whenever _she_ was around.

Carol chuckled, unconsciously scratching the inside of her neck and tilting her head slightly to one side. This girl was surely something. “Yes, probably. Although I doubt very much I would be interested in their company.”

“Then, why do you come here?” Therese’s question sounded weak, nevertheless it escaped her mouth as if she had completely lost control over her own words.

And Carol sensed the traces of hesitation, but she found that the young girl’s audacity gave her, oddly, great pleasure. When she answered, it was with complete honesty.

“Sex and art are the same thing. To me, they’re both means to achieve the expression of our minds and souls. I worship _sex_ just as much as I worship a good painting.”

Therese didn’t know what she was expecting when she asked her question, but she absolutely wasn’t expecting _this_. The words leaving the woman’s mouth were simply unpredicted, and left Therese hopelessly yearning for more.

She fell in silence for a while. It wasn’t too long but certainly enough to make Carol think she might have scared the girl off, so when she finally spoke again it was completely unexpected.

“Pablo Picasso.”

The blonde’s head lift up abruptly, immensely pleased and filled with surprise that the brunette had caught her small reference to the spanish artist.

“That’s right,” Carol said, raising her glass up and smiling at Therese.

This girl was _definitely_ something.

Therese was burning. She felt an endless need to know more about the woman; she was insatiable and it was frightening the hell out of her that this was happening after only mere words had been exchanged between the two of them this night. She wanted every possible detail she could get, even if that meant being careless.

“So,” Therese started talking again, eager to keep their conversation flowing, needing _any_ piece of information the older woman was willing to share.“Have you ever engaged in any particular – uhm…activity?”

In that moment, Therese had never been more grateful for the club’s anonymity policy and their insufferable masks. The things this woman could make her say.

The blonde let out a deep throaty laugh, tilting her head back in amusement. “Is that your question darling? I don’t think you want to know,” Carol said with a mischievous smile on her face, resting her elbow on the countertop and putting a hand under her chin.

When Therese spoke, her voice came out of her mouth just above a whisper. “Well, I actually might.” She looked down at her hands sheepishly. She had no idea what she was doing, the only thing she was sure about was that she was torturing herself, and that asking these questions will only resolve in a much harder time following professor Aird’s lectures. She was dangerously playing with fire, and the worst part was that she shamelessly _liked_ it. She was intoxicated with curiosity, and eager to know more.

She was overwhelmingly sure of one thing: this woman is a dream.

Carol on her part chose not to answer the brunette’s uninhibited question. She then slowly turned around to scan her surroundings, and fixed her eyes on a particular couple. Two women sitting at a table not far from the bar were the ones catching her eye, one of them wearing a simple elegant dress and a full face mask, the other woman was wearing a lacy bodysuit covered by a leather and metal strappy harness. Her hands were tied up behind her back, and what looked like a piece of fabric was going between her teeth and around her head.

Carol might not have said a single word, but the way her eyes slowly traveled up and down that couple, and how she then turned around to face the brunette, holding her gaze with such intensity and a burning fire in her eyes, was enough to make Therese understand.

 _Oh_.

And Carol was right, she did not want to know. She surely didn’t need that mental picture hunting her when she was in class trying to focus on the professor’s lecture, and she didn’t need those images invading her mind when she was in bed alone at night.

Why did she ask? Fuck her eager mouth. She wanted nothing more than disappear behind the counter and crawl her way out of this place. She felt a burning sensation spreading from her cheeks down to her neck and her heart pounding erratically against her ribcage.

She could already picture herself in her arms, she could feel the woman’s hands touching her, her tongue on her naked body.

“Jen, can you cover for me? I need a 5 minutes break.”

_Oh, thank god._

The girl’s question brought Therese back to reality. She hadn’t realized how badly she needed a diversion.

“Yes! Sure Tyna.”

“Great, that table needs a Stoli-cranberry with a twist and a bourbon on the rocks. Thank you!” the girl squeezed Therese’s arm in a gesture of gratitude before exiting the club through a backdoor.

Therese’s eyes followed her all the way there before returning her attention to the blonde sitting in front of her. When she finally gathered up the courage to face her, she was regarded with a long steady look.

“So… Jen, uh?” Carol asked. “Why do I feel that’s not your real name?”

Therese chuckled lightly. “We’re required to use pseudos around here.”

“Well, ‘ _Jen_ ’ don’t let me keep you from doing your job.” Therese’s heart fluttered a bit upon hearing the way her name rolled off her tongue. She wondered what would it feels like to hear the woman say her _real_ one here rather than in the formal environment of her class.

“Will you still be here when I’m done with this?” Therese asked, though absolutely afraid of how she could respond.

“You want me to?” Carol asked suprised.

“Yes… yes I do,” Therese said smiling hesitantly, and even though her mask was concealing most of it, Carol could still see the sparkle in her eyes when she did.

She waited at the bar, leisurely sipping her second Martini and enjoying the atmosphere that the club provided. She had never done something like this before, she’d never spent more than a few seconds engaging with one of the girls working in this place. The only words she ever cared to exchange were the ones she needed to order herself a drink. Nonetheless, here she was, keeping herself company at the bar awaiting the young girl’s return to continue their conversation.

Even if they weren’t talking, Carol had just realized she simply reveled in being in the girl’s company. There was something about her – a familiarity that she still couldn’t understand completely – yet, she wanted to know all about it.

When the young brunette came back, they spent the whole night chatting about anything and everything, interrupted only by some of the orders Therese had to take from time to time. They talked about Carol’s latest vacation in the French Riviera and how Therese, on the contrary, had never left New York.

Time had never passed so quickly while Therese was working, and Carol spent a few hours free from thoughts about the mess that was her current situation at home.

Little did they know this soon would become their regular thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm, how is Carol going to find out?
> 
> Thanks to Maddy who's helping me with this story. You're amazing!


	4. You Got Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another chapter, next one will pick up right after the following events.  
> I would love to hear your thoughts on this part:)  
> As always, thank you so much for your support! Xx

When she entered the club, she was immediately struck by the intense smell of alcohol filling the room. It was obviously a busy night, and as much as she enjoyed the quiet days at the club so that she could talk to _her_ , sometimes she’d rather lose herself in the chaos. That is, since she met the lovely girl behind the bar. No matter how much their regular chats were able to take her mind off of her undeciphered feelings, she really needed the commotion to get away from her need for her.

There was something she could feel whenever she was in the girl’s presence, a feeling so powerful and rare – yet, _familiar_.

Just like the last few times, Carol walked passed the table she used to sit at and went straight to the bar. Today she was wearing a long black duster coat, securely wrapped around her waist, which partially showed the lacy bra she wore underneath. The coat went down past her knees, the same length of her black leather pencil skirt that perfectly matched the gloves she was wearing. Her outfit was paired with her lace up peep toe boots, that she only ever put on when she went to the club.

“Hey Bunny, how’s work been going so far?” Carol asked sitting down the stool that somehow had come to be hers.

“Oh, the usual...just particularly busy today,” Therese said busying herself with the liquors.

“Hmm, I can see.”

The young girl handed Carol her usual Martini. It had become routine that the young bartender would have the blonde’s drink ready as soon as she walked in. Carol found it oddly endearing knowing they felt so comfortable around each other that, somewhere along the way, they simply stopped being mere waiter and customer.

“Thank you,” Carol said with a big smile on her face.

As usual, she had her eyes on the young girl. She was so beautiful, even if she’d never seen her face, she was just – beautiful. Carol was mesmerized by the way the red fluorescent light bathed half of her perfect body, creating a chromatic contrast with the blue light covering her other half, enhancing her small curves wrapped in that tight corset.

Carol noticed that the girl’s eyes were fixed on a couple having sex on the upstairs floor – where most of the fun took place. It seemed to be two women, one of them was wearing a blindfold and was completely exposed in a very voyueristic manner. It was clear to the bartender she was orgasming while the other fucked her with the harness strapped around her waist. To Carol it was utterly intoxicating watching as the young girl’s eyes darkened with lust and sparkled with curiosity.

God, the things she was able to elicit, the things she could make her _think_.

“I think you’d like it,” Carol said, her voice particularly husky.

“Uh? What?”

“That,” Carol gestured towards the couple with her head. “Being taken like that, in darkness, your senses heightened by the lack of your sight, offering yourself and embracing the relinquish; that amount of pure passion between two bodies. I think you’d like it… You often get lost watching that.”

Heat spread through Therese’s body uncontrollably, the woman's words causing an uncontrollable flood in her undergarments. “Oh, I don’t know…”

“Darling, there’s nothing wrong enjoying what makes you feel good,” Carol said smugly, almost teasing, but completely honest nonetheless. She could see the effect her words were having on the girl and she was enjoying every second of it.

_The things she could make her say._

“If I were lucky enough to have you, I would want nothing more than pleasure you,” she finally said before taking a long sip of her drink and changing the subject altogether, leaving like that a visibly shaken and aroused brunette.

Hours had passed and Carol was starting to feel a throbbing headache developing fast, probably due to the lack of sleep and her third Martini of that night. It was around 2 AM when she excused herself before heading back home.

“I’m sorry bunny but I don’t think I can make it through the end of your shift today, I’m exhausted…”

“Oh sure, don’t worry about that,” Therese said, trying quite hard to not let her disappointment show through the mask .

“See you next time?” Carol said smiling at her.

“Absolutely, you’ll find me here.”

When Carol left the club, Therese resumed her shift, hoping it would soon be over. After serving two drinks at one of the occupied tables, she noticed something black and balled up on the countertop. She picked it up and realized Carol had forgotten her gloves.

She took them in hand and studied the leather garment with excessive intensity. A myriad of questions ran through her mind. She tried picturing all the scenarios, and the magnitude of each possibility was making her dizzy with excitement, and doubts, and fear, and suddenly she heard it in the back of her mind – feeble just like a whisper – something that up until that morning she had thought impossibile.

 

***

 

The body writhing under her felt absolutely divine – perfect – like it was just meant to be held in her arms. She was intoxicated by the sweetness of her scent, and the softness of her skin. Her tongue traced the goosebump on her stomach up to her breasts, latching on her beautifully hard nipples. She observed as she closed her eyes in pleasure, as she bit down her lip. The moans escaping her were like honey dripping from her mouth.

She gently placed a hand under her knee and hooked her leg under her arm, positioned her body between her parted limbs and started to set a steady rhythm with her rocking hips, rubbing their clits together, and feeling their combined wetness dripping down her legs.

It felt so good and perfect, they were both so close, and –

Carol woke up abruptly from her dream, panting.

Her forehead and chest were covered in sweat, and her heart was pounding erratically against her ribs, so hard that she thought it could escape its confines. All of her blood had settled south causing an intense, almost unbearable throbbing between her legs. As she shifted slightly she could feel her drenched panties, further proof of the dream she had just woken up from. Her hand travelled down between her slick folds, dipping her finger into her wetness, feeling the effect that even the constructed version of that girl had on her.

Carol groaned, not so much at the sensation as at the _meaning_ behind her arousal.

“Jesus, fuck,” she muttered, closing her eyes in frustration.

This was wrong on so many levels.

That girl was so much younger and she was her _student_ for god’s sake– her bright, creative, and dutiful, gorgeous student.

This, whatever this was, couldn’t go any further. Carol needed to end it. She would talk to her and tell her she should find someone else to help her with the portfolio. Maybe Carol was even able to ask another professor to take the girl as their assistant, maybe that would make all of this a little less hard for the both of them – for herself.

It was the last thing Carol wanted to do, but she knew she needed to stop before other dangerous lines were crossed.

She got up from her bed and immediately headed for the bathroom. She needed the cold stream of water to reduce the unbearable heat of her body, and to wash away the traces of her dream.

Once she was finally clean and ready for work, she left her apartment and hailed a cab. She was going to see her for the very last time outside the safe space of her classroom.

 

***

 

Carol walked out the building and into the crowded outdoor area the campus provided, and the first thing she noticed among the dozens of students and professors out there, was _her_.

The young brunette waiting for her sitting on a bench, two starbucks cups in her hands.

It was their morning meeting, something that had become their usual thing throughout the last few weeks. They would come here and have their coffees together – Carol never admitted this, but she stopped having breakfast at home just to drink her first coffee of the day in Therese’s company. Carol would usually help her with some of her assignments and her portfolio, although she knew her work had already been impeccabile for weeks now; she wondered if this had come to be a mere subconscious excuse to spend more time with her student.

They would also talk, a lot. They talked about the young girl’s childhood and how her parents’ early death played a big role in her fascination for the Arts; she told her she was able to channel all her thoughts and emotions into her drawings, and through the lens of her camera; she told her how she wanted to start taking pictures of human subjects but that she never found the inspiration and the right connection to do so.

To Carol, being able to catch glimpses of the girl’s brilliant mind was utterly engrossing. She thought she was gifted with such sensibility and kindness that for some inexplicable reason Carol couldn’t help feeling the overwhelming need to protect her.

As days went by spent in each other’s company, Carol found herself getting lost in the young girl’s beauty. There were times her brain shut down all of her senses, except the one that allowed her to study every single detail. Like she was now, taking in the beautiful shades of green in her eyes, noticing how the colour changed whenever a beam of golden light streamed down her face. And those dimples in her cheeks, she wondered what would it be like to kiss them.  

But Carol knew, she was well aware that their meetings were becoming increasingly inappropriate. Not just because of her dream earlier this morning, but because the more time she spent with her student, the more people started to notice. Lately, she was getting disapproving or suspicious looks from the other professors around campus. Usually she’d be completely unconcerned about what people thought behind her back – she got used to that long before – but she couldn’t jeopardize her career and, most importantly, she wouldn’t put _her_ girl at risk. She realized in fact that she would gladly give up her own job before being the one responsible for ruining the young girl’s future.

She came here desperately needing to put an end to their meetings. The cold and rational side of her still thought it would be in both their best interests before she’d lose herself completely over the young brunette, but how could she when all she wanted to do was being in her presence. How could she when that girl was looking at her with such admiration and awe that it could have easily been mistaken with love.

“I don’t think I’ve ever properly thanked you for this professor Aird.”

“Uh?” Carol was suddenly snapped out of her thoughts.

“For all of this. Your help…your time. I mean, I know you’re a busy woman and you didn’t have to spend all this time helping me so, thank you,” Therese said with a smile on her face.

_Those dimples again._

“You really don’t have to thank me for that.”

“No, I mean it. These past few weeks had been the most interesting days for me since I’ve started college.”

In reality, these had been Therese’s best days in a very long time, yet she couldn’t tell her that. She wanted to let her know how much her professor had come to mean to her, the effect she had on her. How much she’d been struck by inspiration since they started spending so much time together. Nevertheless, she knew those were words she would never hear.

 “You’re the best pers – professor – I’ve ever had.”

“Oh come on, Ms. Belivet, I’m sure you’ve had other great teachers around here. Besides, I know that all of my students think I’m a bitch,” Carol said chuckling and winking at her. She had meant that as a joke to lighten the mood, but the look on Therese’s face told her that her humor had fell on deaf ears.

Therese’s brows were furrowed in torment and guilt. She wondered if professor Aird had heard her talking to Danny the day her portfolio had been rejected and she had whined about it like a petulant child. The day she had called her a _bitch_. She knew that her voice had been particularly loud at the time, and she remembered spotting the professor not long after her shameful outburst.

And Carol sensed that, she felt the anguish radiating from the girl. She had wanted to laugh about that incident, think about it like when you’re reminiscing something funny. She didn’t mean to upset her.

“Darling, it’s okay,” Carol said with a solemn look on her face. Her voice soft like Therese had never had a chance to hear before, and she placed a gentle hand on the girl’s shoulder, squeezing in reassurance.

And just like she had been quick at touching her, she was also quick enough to retract her hand, needing to keep at least their personal space, clinging to the very last level of decency.

“Now let’s go, or else we’ll both be late for class,” Carol said raising from the bench they had been sitting on.

Her voice firm and her demeanor steeled, just like every other time, when after their meetings she got fully back to her role – to her usual professor’s attitude.

Therese was still sitting down when she spoke. “Yeah, I’ll be right there.”

“All right Ms. Belivet, see you in class.”

Carol walked away fast, almost as if she was fleeing that place, needing so badly to put a distance between them. She had _one_ thing to do, she had to put an end to their hazardous meetings and not only did she fail to do so, she was also able to cause the girl distress.

 

***

 

Carol arrived at their usual bar around 6 PM. She was finally meeting with Abby after a long day at work, and after everything that happened she was simply craving a good Martini, a cigarette and the company of her best friend.

After their brief yet intense relationship had ended, Abby and Carol had drifted apart for a while but managed to again get back in touch. They’ve been friends for years now. Abby was the only person in her life who understood Carol, and was aware of her situation at home. She was supportive and extremely protective, and Carol knew she could always speak freely and confess her deepest thoughts without Abby judging her, something she was tremendously grateful for.

When she entered the bar, she spotted her friend right away, two Martinis in front of her, sitting at one of the most secluded booths that would allow them some privacy. It was their usual seat, quiet and away from the rest of the bar’s clientele.

“Hello stranger. It’s been ages since I’ve last seen your face,” Abby said greeting Carol once she was finally seated across from her.

Carol placed her hand on top of her friend’s, looking at her tremendously guilty. “I’m sorry Abby, I’ve been particularly busy these last few weeks.”

"Well, how’s it going?”

Carol offered a weak smile when she answered. “Good.”

“Everything still good with Harge?” Abby asked straight to the point

“If you consider him bringing women in our house and fucking them on our bed fine, then yes...everything is just perfect,” Carol said sternly, and Abby could see her glacier blue eyes turning colder as she told her about Harge, hints of what looked like hurt were mixing with her anger, deepening the creases between her brows.

"Geez, that bastard…” Abby shook her head in disapproval.  “Carol, how many times do I – “

“I know Abby, I know. But as long as we ignore each other like we’ve been doing for the past five years everything should be just fine,” Carol said, locking eyes with Abby.

“Carol,” Abby gave Carol her usual concerned look.

“I can’t let Rindy suffer from this, Abby. I know that a divorce would end up in only one of us getting our daughter’s custody, and if I get that, it would mean for Rindy to never see her father, and god knows I would let myself burn in hell before he gets full custody,” Carol’s  voice shaked with resolution.

“What are you talking about? What about joined custody?

“No Abby,” Carol shook her head. “I’m absolutely certain that if I were to ask for a divorce he would never agree on that.”

It pained her to admit defeat, to admit she had no solution to her current situation, that she didn’t know how to get herself and Rindy out of this mess unscathed. But she knew, she just knew, that her daughter would _always_ come first. Despite being an unpleasant and morally questionable person, Harge was still a good father who loved his daughter very much, and Carol could simply never take that away from Rindy. But more than anything, she did not want to think about how devastating it would be to live her life without her little girl.

A long silence stretched between the two of them before Abby spoke again. Carol’s absent look on her face setting her off.

“Hey, is everything okay?”

“No,” Carol answered, smiling a bittersweet smile. “I think I might be falling for someone.”

“And this is not okay because…?”

“Because she’s one of my students, Abby.”

“Carol…”

“I know, I know.”

“She’s so young, You can’t – "

Carol interjected before Abby could finish. “I didn’t. Nothing happened Abby. It’s just that… I’m finding it more and more impossibile to stay away from her.”

Abby looked frankly at Carol. “I hope you know what you’re doing.”

To that, Carol broke into a smile. “You know, I never did.”

They stayed at the bar for a while longer, enjoying their drinks and most importantly each other’s company. When it was time for them to get home for dinner, they settled for meeting again the next week and said their goodbyes before parting their ways.

 

***

 

When Carol got back to her apartment she immediately found Rindy greeting her at the door. She picked her up and hugged her tightly. She hadn’t seen her daughter all day and being away from her was always particularly difficult for Carol.

“Hello, little snowflake. Oh, I’ve missed you so much,” Carol said, clutching her daughter to her chest and breathing her in.

“I’ve missed you too, mommy!” The young girl excited by her mother's presence.

“Will you help mommy with dinner honey? Would you like that? We can make your favourite,” she said heading to the kitchen with Rindy still in her arms.

Rindy gasped audibly putting her small hand in front of her mouth in delighted surprise.“Fried chicken?”

Carol would cook fried chicken only every once in a while, so whenever she did her little girl would always be overwhelmed with joy.

“Yes, with mashed potatoes and all,” Carol said, rubbing her nose against her daughter’s.

“Mommy, daddy told me you got mail today,” Rindy said pointing at the opened brown envelope on the table.

“Okay snowflake, mommy’s gonna check it out. You go and finish that beautiful drawing of yours so that I can hang it on the fridge,” Carol said gently putting her daughter down.

She walked to the table and when she finally realized what was lying underneath the shredded brown paper, she was struck by immediate chills. Her heart beat irregularly and fast – almost too fast – against her chest, as she picked up the gloves she had left at the club the night before.

 

_Therese._


	5. I Want You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Long chapter:) Still with me?  
> Thank you so much for all of your beautiful comments, and your kudos, and bookmarks, and for reading this and - thank you! It would make me immensely happy if you let me know what you think of this one:)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Small note about Harge: I'm slowly building his character. I need him to be particularly mean and problematic in order to counterbalance the lack of the "morality clause" that, in the movie, he uses to threaten Carol and take away her daughter, and that I won't include in this story as it is set in modern time.

Whenever Therese had trouble sleeping when she was a little girl, instead of counting the sheeps, her mother would tell her to think about all the good things that had happened during the day, all the things that made her happy; she would make Therese a hot chamomile tea and gently rub her back until she’d fall asleep.

Even now that she was twenty-four this would usually help – except for the rubbing of course, that was pretty much impossible when she didn’t have anyone she could ask – but today was different. No matter how hard she tried and how many teas she’d had already, sleep just wouldn’t come. She tried to think about all the good things that happened to her during that day, and the day before, and the day before that for that matter, but her mind would inevitably be flooded with images of _her_. She was the one invading her dreams and Therese found that all her happy memories since she met her were irrevocably tied to the blonde.

Their morning coffees together, the easiness that came with talking to her – Therese felt she had never had anyone who would listen and understand the way Carol did; how she would constantly encourage Therese to do more, challenging her; and _oh god her laugh,_ it felt like she was able to catch a glimpse of her most intimate part whenever she laughed.

She was lost. Therese was lost, and now here she was staring at the ceiling in the dark desperately waiting for the exhaustion to finally take over, while she kept playing in her head the exact same scene over and over.

She rolled onto her side and tried to fix her flattened pillow. Now even the smallest of things would easily get on her nerves. _Those damn gloves, what have I done?_

It had been almost a week since she found them on the countertop of the bar and decided to return them. In all honesty, Therese didn’t even know if she had received them, or worse, she did and chose to ignore her. Therese thought this to be entirely understandable all things considered, although that didn’t help with the feeling of her heart being shredded to pieces at the prospect of it.

Therese looked out of her window, the alloy-silver light of the moon gleaming through the glass invaded the small apartment, and gave her a certain sense of calmness, enough to quell the loud rhythmic pounding in her ear, leaving Therese alone with her thoughts.

When she impulsively decided to send the gloves off at her apartment she hadn’t thought through the consequences, she didn’t think about all the possibilities that came with her action. Therese loved meeting the blonde woman in disguise, it had been fun and exhilarating and shamefully hot, but then things started to change and she found herself wanting nothing more than being part of her life in all of its aspects. Selfishly so, she wanted Carol to get to know her free of any secrets, simply devoid of limits.

How stupid she’d been to think that Carol might have wanted the same.

Having completely given up on sleep tonight, Therese got out of bed and flicked on the light of the small lamp in her living area, filling the room with a warm glow. She sat down on the couch that was placed under the window, picked up her phone that she had previously turned off and scrolled down her contact list. Although her digital clock told her it was already past midnight, she knew Dannie would still be wide-awake probably writing, and right now she badly needed a friend to talk to. She hesitated a few seconds wondering if it was even worth calling, aware of the fact that she wouldn’t been able to share half of this story.

All of her worries were set aside when her phone started to ring, Dannie’s face appearing on her screen – talk about coincidence.

“Hey Dannie, I was about to call you.”

“Oh yeah? What did you wanna talk about in the middle of the night?”

“Seriously? You literally just called me.”

“Well, I needed some distraction from this editorial I’m writing, it’s really driving me nuts… so I thought: hey, let’s see if Terry’s not following her usual ‘retirement home’ schedule tonight.”

“You know, there are people who work at night and when they’re not, they’d like to go to sleep at a decent hour.”

Dannie chuckled, “Yeah I know…smartass.”

“Still got troubles with that article?” Therese asked. Dannie was one of the writers for the University Newspaper. It had actually been Therese who encouraged him to send the application for the vacant position as a junior journalist, believing in his talent and passion when it came to writing.

He sighed. “Yeah, it’s not the article itself, it’s just that I need to get all the sources right and I’m finding it hard since they won’t grant me access to the archives. I mean, I know it’s a sensible subject that I’m writing about, but with all the anonymity stuff it’s just downright impossible to get the sources but I need my sources to get the article done,” Dannie said grunting out the last syllable .

“I’m sorry to hear that,” said Therese almost absently, which didn’t go unnoticed on the other side of the line.

“Hey Ter, everything okay?”

Therese sighed heavily and waited a few seconds before asking. “What would you do if you did something that you wanted so badly, _really_ wanted it, but that in retrospect, turned out to be a terrible idea?”

“Well, it depends I guess. Is it something important?”

“It is to me,” her voice came out softer than she had intended although she could hear the sincerity in her own words.

“Then I think that whatever you did was right for you at the time and you shouldn’t torture yourself.”

“But, what if I ruined everything?”

“What do you mean?”

“What if the repercussions weren’t only on me?”

“Geez, Terry, you’re talking in codes here.”

Therese grunted in frustration. “Okay, what if… I met someone that I like whose secret I happen to know, and I gave them indication that I knew about it, but it was so fucking wrong and inappropriate because their someone I shouldn’t even be thinking about.”

“Nah, still not following Belivet… did you meet someone? Why didn’t you tell me about it?”

“It’s not really that I’ve _just_ met them, and we’re not dating, it’s nothing like that.”

Dannie laughed at that. “Then, what the hell is this all about?”

“Nothing, never mind,” Therese said. This was going nowhere.

“Terry wait, I’m sorry. I’m really not following, I don’t know what to tell you.”

Therese pondered carefully her next words, nervously fidgeting with the fabric of her shorts. She scooted a little back on the couch bringing her legs up, curled against her chest.“I think I might have _accidentally_ fallen in love with someone who’s way out of my league and that, in a way, doesn’t even know that I exist, who’s married and older than me, and that I’m probably the last person on this planet she’d be thinking about.”

“Wait, _she_?”

A short silence stretched between the two of them before Therese finally replied.

“I-yeah, Dannie I – “

“I knew you weren’t into us dudes.” Therese could feel Dannie grinning through the phone.

She responded defensively. “And how would you know that? I’ve only ever been with guys, I didn’t even know it myself that this could happen.”

“Please, I’m an _observer_ Terry, I’ve noticed how you’d act around boys hitting on you. Plus, now that we’re being honest…I’ve always thought you had a crush on Professor Aird. Seriously, you should see the way your cheeks turn red at the mere mention of her. Ha! I bet you’re blushing right now Belivet.” Dannie smugly said, laughing at his own remark and expecting Therese to do the same.

But nothing came, not a laugh, not a single word. Instead both friends fell in a long, uncomfortable silence – too long to not be acknowledge, too long to be considered meaningless.

“Shit,” Dannie gasped when he finally put all the pieces together and realization struck him. The only sound were the sharp, deep breaths he could hear through his speaker.

“Terry?”

Therese could feel a solitary tear trickling down and leaving a wet trail on her face. She reached up and quickly wiped it away with the hem of her long sleeve. “I’m fucked. I’m so fucked.”

“What happened?”

“Nothing happened but… _god_ , Dannie, I-I really do love her,” she finally admitted, the quite confession leaving a hole in her chest, yet she’d never felt more liberated.

“But… how? You barely know the woman”.

“Yeah, sort of.”

“I- I’m so sorry Terry.”

She let out a small bitter laugh “Me too.”

“Do you want me to come over?”

“No, no… I’m good.”

“And what about that problem you were talking about? What’s with the secret part?”

“Nothing, it’s stupid. I’ve done something I wish I could take back and now I’ll have to deal with the consequences.”

“Tomorrow, you’re going to tell me all about it.”

“No. Dannie , I can’t!” Her voice firm and unswerving, enough to make Dannie understand that he shouldn’t enquire any further.

“Okay…try to get some sleep, we’ll talk again in the morning, clear-headed! Goodnight Terry.”

“Thank you Dan. Goodnight.”

Therese looked out of the big windows once again, observing the small luminous dots in the distance of the tall skyscrapers in Midtown, fixing her gaze until they became a blur. She lighted up a cigarette and let the smoke be caught in the outside breeze. She wondered what Carol was doing.

A couple of hours had passed before Therese was finally able to succumb in her sleep.

 

***

 

Carol was lost in the image of those gloves in front of her. She could hear the faint voice of her little girl singing in the background, but all of her attention was focused on the small package and its content. She wanted to say she was surprised, but that would be the farthest thing from the truth. The knowledge that the girl behind the mask was so much more than just the waitress at a club was securely stored in her subconscious, and Carol was starting to think that maybe it wasn’t such a coincidence at all that her gloves were left at the bar; or maybe it was fate.

Carol Aird did not believe in fate, but she started to think that there must be some kind of higher explanation as to why all of this had happened, because since that strange girl had entered her life all those weeks before, everything seemed already destined to be.

She should be terrified at the thought that one of her students was aware of her secret, of how she chooses to spend her free time – something that could easily cause her unimaginable repercussions – yet, she wasn’t. She could implicitly trust the girl with the darkest of secrets. So she wasn’t scared, she wasn’t angry or embarrassed; she felt relieved and possibly happy knowing there was someone out there that knew Carol in all of her aspects, someone that already meant the world to her. And how was that even possible? She had known the girl for such a short time, yet her entire life had already been turned upside down – the weirdest thing being that nothing had ever felt so natural.

But then it finally dawned upon her that Therese was _still_ one of her students, and although Carol found she simply didn’t care that the girl knew all about her secret, she also realized that no matter how much she longed for her, how much she wanted to spend all of her time with the girl, she still needed to talk to her and set the boundaries; as long as Carol was Therese’s professor whatever it was that she wanted to happen, it needed to _wait_.

And Carol still didn’t know what the young woman wanted but she hoped more than anything that she’d be willing to wait.

Rindy was now fast asleep and she hoped that Harge would soon be in bed as well, although she was going to meet Therese at the end of her shift, wanting to see her free from any barrier.

When she was about to leave the apartments she was suddenly startled by the voice of her husband emerging from his studio, a glass of neat whiskey in hand.

“Going to see Abby?” He asked sternly.

Carol stopped in her tracks and answered never really facing him. _Not now_. “Abby?”

“Yes, Abby. I know it was her who sent you that package… it was anonymous but the handwriting was unmistakably of a woman. I’m not stupid Carol.”

“Clearly,” Carol murmured resuming her tasks, putting the gloves in her purse and heading for the entrance to grab her coat.

“I know you two still meet,” he said. His voice dropping dangerously low.

Carol put on her jacket and brushed her hair from under the collar, finally locking eyes with him. “Of course we meet, she’s my friend. We’ve been over for years now... you made sure of that. Not that any of this is your damn business.”

“You’re still my wife Carol,” Harge said, his voice making it sound almost like a warning. But Carol was having none of it. “We both know I stopped being your wife long before Abby. Let’s not pretend I’m not aware of your clandestine adventures every other night, Harge,” Carol’s eyes were gelid, as if daring him to rebut. He didn’t; he held her gaze then simply turned around and shut the door behind him returning to his studio. The loud noise making Carol flinch. _I swear to God if Rindy wakes up…_

Carol was tired, she was so tired of this unbearable situation and hoped she had enough strength to put up with it a little longer. She found she had a new sense of resolution.

She took her purse and her car keys, and finally headed outside, ready to meet _her_.

 

***

 

It was _their_ regular Thursday, when Therese would always meet her at the club. She would always be here on this day of the week – always. Apparently today was the exception because she hadn’t come, it was past 2 AM and she still hadn’t walk through that door. Therese spent the entire duration of her long, boring shift waiting for the familiar golden locks to pop up at any moment. She was trying hard to remain concentrated on the tasks at hands, on her job, on making a good impression so that her manager would finally agree on that raise.

Therese observed. She observed as all different types of clientele walked through the front door which, somehow, felt like it was mocking her. Every time she heard the sound of the door slamming shut her head would instantly snap up, only to reveal the same old patrons coming here to enjoy themselves and their unusual escape from the average boring lives they conducted. No one was her. Therese knew that the more she kept her hands busy with her tasks the faster she would get out of this place, so she started picking up extra orders and covering the breaks of her fellow coworkers in order to keep her mind occupied.

It didn’t matter though how hard she tried not to think about a certain blonde, everything now reminded Therese of her. From the stool across the bar that Therese had started to reserve only for her whenever their Thursday came around, to the bottle of vermouth she used for her Perfect Martini.

Therese soon realized she wouldn’t be able to look at her working place like she did before that woman had accidentally entered her life. She soon realized that there was no place that hadn’t been tainted by _her_ , except for home, luckily there were no memories of her created in her apartment – god knows she would rather move out. Nevertheless, the places she spent most of her time, like university and the club, were all about her, reminding Therese of all the different ways she had fallen in love with Carol Aird.

It was 2:35 AM and it was clear to Therese that she just wasn’t coming, realizing that she must had gotten her gloves back by now and decided it was best to ignore her. The mere thought of seeing her in class, now that she had this painful knowledge her brain could hang to, was enough to make her feel dizzy.

She knelt down behind the counter, poured herself a shot of flavored rum – careful not to be caught – and downed the strong distilled drink in one single gulp, needing so badly some bottled nerve calming she knew the alcohol could provide. When she re-emerged, the sight of bright blonde hair caught her eye, making her heart momentarily skip a few beats. The sense of joy and utter relief lasted for a fraction of a second before she realized those wavy locks did not belong to her. _Great, now my own brain is starting to fuck with me._

2:49 AM; Therese was counting down the minutes that separated her from her oh-so needed bed. She had class the next morning but she was pretty sure it would have been best to just skip her lecture altogether and try to rest properly – try to erase that woman from her mind. _It will all be fine, you just need to take a few days off and forget her. She’s just your professor nothing more. She’s just a stupid schoolgirl crush. Yes, that’s what she is… a crush. That’s it, I’m already starting to get over her._

Therese stood behind the counter nervously tapping her fingers on the countertop, watching intently at the big golden baroque style clock in front of her across the room, as its highly decorated clock hands slowly reached the time she had been waiting for since this torturous night had started, signalizing the end of her shift.

Therese had never been more fast heading towards the changing room the club provided for its staff. She hastily stripped out of her corset and unbuckled her painfully high heels, _fucking shoes_ , and put back on her unremarkable outfit, consisting of her favorite pair of washed out jeans, her red converse and a plain white t-shirt. She just wanted to curl up in her bed and cry until she simply had no tears left, before she could start unloving her.

To her great relief, the changing room was still empty – she was the only one who had stormed out of the club so quickly in a desperate need to get home – and Therese had never been more grateful for a few quiet moments to herself, not having to engage in meaningless small talks with the other girls. She just wasn’t in the mood for empty conversations with people she barely knew.

Therese opened her personal locker, took out her small backpack and stored her mask and the rest of her working attire in there, ready for another day at the club. She squatted down putting her bag on the floor and started rummaging through the messy content in search for her package of cigarettes. When she found it, she took one cigarette out, put it in her mouth ready to light it up when she was outside, and finally headed for the backdoor. She was _so_ close, her hand was already gripping the handle, when she heard her name being shouted from behind. _What now_?

“Hey little J,” said Tristan, her manager.

Therese slowly turned around to face him. “Yeah?”

“I wanted to tell you to take the rest of the week off, you seemed a little…distracted today.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry Tristan, it won’t happen again. It’s been a rough day and I’ve handled it poorly, but I’m good to work tomorrow.”

“Don’t worry about that. There’s been some mix-up with the scheduling…I have one extra working at the bar this weekend so I need to give someone these days off anyway, I thought you could use some rest,” Tristan shrugged. “You’re free to decline the offer though.”

“No, no… I’m – thank you, I could definitely use some extra free time,” Therese quickly replied, giving him a small smile.

“All right then, it’s settled. See you on Monday little J,” Tristan gave a quick pat on Therese’s shoulder, turned his back and walked behind the counter where he would start collecting the bar receipts before calling it a day.

Therese was _finally_ ready to head home. She opened the door that lead outside on a small parking lot reserved for the staff working at the club. Her head tilted back with a long sigh, she looked up at the dark night-blue and the shiny silvery disc that illuminated the streets, and breathed in the fresh air.

She put her cigarette in her mouth and lit it, and as the first long drag was taken her eyes slowly focused on a familiar silhouette leaning against the brick wall.

She froze when she saw grey eyes staring back at her. There she was, standing right in front of a petrified Therese Belivet, her face unmasked – utterly bare. She was here, at the club, completely devoid of her usual disguise and her usual unwavering cold attitude.

 _Carol_.

It’s like the world had stopped turning and Therese had stopped existing in this dimension. The things her body was feeling were completely out of her grasp. Her heart was pounding – pounding so hard that she could feel it in her throat. Her breathing stopped for a few seconds only to take famish gulps of air and fill her lungs again. She felt like she was dreaming.

She was dressed as she usually is in class; today there was no tight leather skirts, no see-through bras, no sinfully high heels; no mask to hide behind. Just – _her_. She wasn’t professor Aird the Art teacher, she wasn’t the blonde woman in disguise who spends her free time at a sex club.

She was just – Carol.

But Therese had trouble comprehending what she was feeling. Seeing her here like this, something she had never thought possible.

Was she happy to see her?

Was she scared?

_What was she doing here anyway? Was she here because of the gloves? She did have her gloves in hand._

“Therese.”

At the soft sound of her name Therese snapped out of her trance. She suddenly turned her back to the blonde woman standing behind her and walked towards the backdoor she had used to get out of the club. _I can’t do this_.

“Wait,” Carol quickly but gently grabbed Therese’s arm stopping the brunette in her tracks. When the young woman turned her head to face her, she was met with the deepest of gazes, so intense and piercing that she was immediately struck by a wave of shivers down her spine at the mere sight of it.

“So it was you,” Carol whispered, gifting Therese with one of her soft smiles, and it took every last ounce of energy she had left to refrain from kissing her.

Therese simply nodded. She looked like a scared deer staring at the flashing lights of a car. “I’m so sorr – “ Therese’s apology was cut short by delicate fingers on her lips, hovering there but never quite touching, and in that moment she realized their bodies had never been so close. She could feel the exhales of her breathing warming her face against the cool night breeze, and Therese had never been more excited than she was now knowing they were sharing the same air. “You’re shaking,” Carol whispered, slowly letting her fingers slide down the length of Therese’s arm and grabbing her hand in hers. Therese rested her head back against the wall, closing her eyes. Carol noticed her brows furrowing and her body still trembling, and seeing that she was making the girl uncomfortable she let go of her hand and took a few steps away.

_No, come back._

The mere presence of Carol was already enough for Therese to react in an all too uncontrollable way, but this proximity was something she had never experienced before, something she hadn’t prepared for, and she so wasn’t ready for this – yet, she never wanted that moment to end.

Therese opened her eyes and saw Carol standing there, patiently waiting.

“Can we talk, Therese?”

_Fuck here we go, she wants to talk to me. This is it, she’s gonna tell me she’s sorry and that we can’t see each other anymore, not on campus and definitely not outside university, and everything will be over, and –_

“Please,” Carol’s voice sounded firm and unwavering, but Therese could see the intensity of her plea in her blue eyes.

“Professor Air – “

“Carol.”

_Carol._

She let a lengthy silence stretch between them. She shouldn’t talk to her – she couldn’t. She shouldn’t allow herself any more time in the presence of her only to let Carol break her heart. _What am I doing?_ “Okay, uhm...there’s a bench just around the corner, across the park…we could sit there,” Therese’s voice was soft but her demeanor had already started to close off, ready to take the blow.

Carol smiled softly. She noticed the uneasiness in the young woman and she wanted nothing more than to take that feeling away. “That’s perfect.”

They walked in silence, side by side. Therese could sense a pair of eyes studying her all the way to the park. Carol was watching her, taking in all the small details of the girl whose face she had never had the chance to see in the dark; under the cold glow of the moonlight, she looked beautiful in a whole different way.

Therese soon realized their steps were following the same rhythm and her shoulder was slightly brushing against Carol’s arm, feeling like her skin was on fire underneath the fabric.

They reached the bench which had a great view on the park and its tall, seemingly infinite trees. Carol was the first one to sit, waiting for the brunette to take her place next to her. When she finally did, the older woman was the one to break the silence.

“How long have you known?” Carol asked. Her body was facing Therese, she was utterly open and ready for the conversation they were about to begin.

“Oh, pretty much since you first sat at the bar,” Therese admitted, nervously rubbing the palms of her sweaty hands on her jeans.

Carol’s brows furrowed. “How?”

A lovely smile appeared on Therese’s mouth, so genuine that it allowed her small dimples to adorn her face. “Your perfume.”

The older woman averted her eyes looking at the expanse of the park, and what looked like a faint redness started spreading to her cheeks. _Was Carol Aird blushing?_

Therese started again. “You didn’t recognize me… at all? I mean, before the gloves, did you – “

In that moment, Carol locked her gaze again with the young girl, meaning to let her words really sink in. “I think I’ve always known Therese, in some way. Yes, I didn’t recognize your perfume or your voice… I didn’t put the pieces together, but – I could _feel_ it… I could feel it in my bones. There’s something so… unique, that I only ever feel when I’m around you, something so strong that I’ve never felt before… with anybody.” Carol watched intently to gauge her reaction, and in the girl’s eyes she recognized surprise and relief. That look on her face warming Carol’s heart.

“I wish I could touch you,” Carol’s voice was tentative and Therese was sure she could hear her words imbued with melancholy. But she wanted to touch her, _Carol_ wanted to touch her, while Therese just wanted the world to collapse on itself and live in this moment forever, suspended in time.

“You can,” Therese said softly, and let her hand slide over the bench near Carol’s, their pinkies almost touching. Right now, right there, everything else ceased to exist – to her there was only _them_.

“Therese,” Carol’s voice changed drastically and her body stiffened. She slightly turned away and leaned forward resting her elbows upon her knees, putting some distance between them. “I don’t think you understand,” she said letting her words linger in the air for a few seconds, “I’m your professor… you’re one of my students. I don’t think you’ve realized the repercussions that any of this could lead to,” Carol said gravelly, still facing away from Therese.

“I…” Therese didn’t in fact understand what Carol was trying to say. Nothing ever happened between them, and if she was here to make things clear and stop whatever it is they had done so far – their morning coffees, their daily meetings, their secretive encounters at the club – then why would she talk about consequences?

“I’m sorry professor Aird, I – ”

“Would you please… stop? What I’m trying to say is that all of this…all of this is wrong and inappropriate Therese, but for the love of God just… for now, let me be Carol… just Carol.”

Therese nodded, momentarily taken aback by the woman’s sudden and unexpected outburst. “I’m sorry for the gloves – I really am Carol… but I don’t know what you want me to do. I can switch class, I can take another cour – “

Carol’s head jolted up facing Therese. She took both her hands in hers and held tightly. “Don’t you dare.” Her gaze was intense, almost as if saying _I can’t lose you._

Carol reached her hand up to brush a strand of hair away from Therese’ face. “You’re the best thing that happened to me in a very long time Therese Belivet.” Her voice, her gesture left little to no space for interpretation. Of all the things Therese thought Carol would say today, this was the farthest from her mind.

“Therese… what I’m saying, is that – “ She trailed off and took a deep breath. What she was about to confess was probably going to change everything. Her hand reached up cradling her jaw and softly traced the girl’s rosy lips with her thumb. “I want you Therese, god how I want you. I want everything you’re willing to give,” She smoothed the girl’s chestnut hair from her face with her other hand. The swirl of emotions in her blue eyes telling Therese all she needed to know. “You’re… an angel, that fell from the sky and into my life, and I feel like I’ll never be able to let you go.”

The words confessed on that warm spring night felt utterly overwhelming. They both already felt so much for each other, more than they’d never thought possible.

Therese reached up to cover Carol’s hand with her own. She could feel tears forming in the corners of her eyes from such powerful emotions. Her heart was exploding with the love she felt for the woman in front of her.

At the sight of Therese’s green eyes watering, Carol lightly brushed the soft spot there, wiping away the solitary tear that had started to fall. “What’s wrong?”

Therese clutched Carol’s hand even tighter. “Oh, nothing’s wrong. It’s just that I’ve never thought any of this could happen… I want you too Carol, so much.”

“Therese…”

“I know, I know... I’m the student, you’re the teacher... but I don’t want – I _can’t_ give this up. ”

“We’lle figure it out, I promise.”

Therese nodded and they both fell in silence letting their confession sink in. The mood drastically changed when Therese saw a big grin appearing on Carol’s face, her voice dropping an octave and falling back into her usual seductive tone. “I’m actually glad you cleared any doubts for me with those gloves, Bunny… I was dying to know the naughty girl under the mask.”

Therese laughed and brought her hands up to her face in embarrassment. _God, that woman._ “Me, naughty? Need I remind you all the dirty things you said to me?”

“Darling, I can do so much worse than that,” Carol said mischeviously. “Come on,” she rose from her seat and reached her hand out for Therese to take it.

Therese looked up in confusion.“Where?”

“It’s almost 5AM. I’m taking you to breakfast.” The brightest of smiles appeared on Therese’s face before she took Carol’s hand and stood up next to her.

They were walking to Carol’s car hand in hand –unconsciously so – when Therese broke their now comfortable silence. “Carol… what are we going to do?” She asked with seriousness.

“Live each day like it’s our last?” Carol said playfully, eliciting a small laugh from the brunette.

“Yeah, we could do that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm pretty sure that this isn't what you were expecting at all from this chapter but I felt like they were both too in deep already for Carol to react in a certain way, I thought this felt more natural and true to the characters. Don't worry though, smutty part's ahead. Is this sloow burn enough? Lol I swear I'm not doing this to torture you. <3  
> Run wild in the comments, I want to hear all your thoughts! xx


	6. The Lines They Cross

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 6 finally! We delve a little more into their inner thoughts and new dynamics of their relationship are being revealed. I'm so curious to hear what you think of this;)  
> Thank you so so much for all the support!!!

The loud music was filling the air of her apartment while Therese was busy selecting the pictures she wanted to use for her new portfolio. The images she took with her old 35mm were mostly black and white shots of a whole variety of different things; she loved taking pictures of the everyday life, capturing the hustle and bustle of the city, the small details she could find in a random alley or through the glass of a window; people were the subjects she still didn’t feel comfortable photographing, but she wanted to learn, and lately she’d been feeling particularly inspired and keen on branching out into new territory. The camera she had been using since she was a teenager once belonged to her grandmother –a photographer herself back in the 50s; she’s the one who taught Therese how to master the Art in the old-fashion way.

The music was loud and she was definitely going to hear complaints from Mrs. Sanders when she would run into her later that day, but the words of the song she was listening to had caught her attention, finally realizing what they really meant. The lyrics rushed through her brain awakening her deepest feelings, causing her heart to swell within her. Realization struck her; it made sense, the love those songs had been talking about, she finally understood. She found she could listen to them all day, drinking the music and breathing in the lyrics while images of Carol would swirl through her mind uncontrollably, like leaves in a storm. God, she had never been so happy – utterly, inexorably drunk with happiness.

They’d talked about _them_ the other night – morning considering it was already past 5 AM when they got to that local café where Carol suggested they’d have breakfast. They talked about Carol’s marriage, and how it was doomed to fail from the very beginning; what was left of it was now simply ink on paper. Although the conversation about her husband had been quite brief, Therese could sense how much Carol was hurting by the blank stare on her face and the pain swirling in her cold blue eyes.

They had talked about how they would need to act in class and around each other when they were on campus; Carol had seemed pretty confident that they could make it work. Besides a few salacious comments and mischievous looks, she had reassured Therese that their personal relationship wouldn’t be a problem as long as they were careful.

Carol had also asked her to _wait_. She wasn’t sure what she was referring to when she’d said that, and Therese was simply too scared to ask but the look on her face had terrified her; she saw doubt and uncertainty as if she was afraid to look out too far away in the future. As is she was afraid Therese wouldn’t stay. Didn’t she know she would wait for her forever?

Therese was suddenly brought back to reality when she heard the faint sound of the doorbell in the background, almost completely muffled by the music. _Shit_. “Just a second,” she shouted above the loud noise, running to turn off the stereo before opening the door. “I’m so sorry Mrs. Sanders – “

“Who’s Mrs. Sanders?” On her doorway right in front of her was the woman she had been thinking about all day. “Carol!”

“Hi,” The blonde said, standing there on her signature nude high heels, more casual than usual but smartly dressed. A long red sleeveless coat wrapped around her body over a pair of black high-waist cropped trousers which Therese found really flattered the length of her legs.

“Hi,” Therese replied staring dumbfounded at the sight of her and dreamily smiling. She wasn’t expecting to see her before Monday, but Carol was always able to surprise her.

“Can I come in?” Carol asked, looking around her surroundings and narrowing her eyes in question, which reminded Therese that they were still standing on her doorway and that she must have looked like an idiot for not inviting her in.

“Oh, yes! Sure,” she said shaking her head at her own awkwardness. _Nice way to go._

“Did I… interrupt something?” Carol asked when she finally crossed the threshold.

“No, no… I was just – doing nothing,” Therese said fumbling for words and nervously fidgeting with the hem of her shirt. “How did you know where I live?”

“Oh dear, I might have done something a bit…unprofessional,” Carol said with a guilty smirk on her face, taking a few steps into the living room. “I hope you don’t mind…”

“No. Not at all, I’m so happy to see you, would you like something to drink? Or eat? Or um...” Therese trailed off, clumsily searching for something among the things scattered over the coffee table. “A cigarette?” She asked holding the small package in her hand. It’s like she had completely forgotten how to be around her. She could see Carol biting down on her lower lip to suppress a laughter, and Therese swore she had never felt more embarrassed.

“Are you always this nervous in your own house?”

_Yeah, Therese. What's with you?_

“No, no…I mean – it’s not every day I have beautiful women in my apartment – well people, in general… which reminds me that this place is a mess!” Therese said, looking around the living room, trying to hide the redness that was rapidly spreading to her face. Her back was intentionally facing the blonde while she was busy tidying up, picking up the take-out food containers she left scattered over the table from lunch, and rearranging the paperwork sprawled over the couch.

“Therese,” Carol’s voice came out soft, but when that didn’t prompt any response from the young brunette, she tried again, this time a little firmer while she approached the girl and gently squeezed her shoulder to draw her attention.

“Therese…your apartment is just fine. Go sit down, I’ll bring you some water and I can make coffee if you tell me where I can find it – just… relax, okay?” Carol guided Therese towards the couch until she ungracefully plopped down on it. Carol headed to the kitchen – which was separated from the living area only by a small dining table – and started looking around. She opened the cabinets trying to find the things she needed, all the while Therese was completely lost in a daydream. She silently sat there as she watched Carol in her apartment. She found she fitted so perfectly here; she could easily picture them cooking breakfast after a night spent together, Carol walking around in her pajamas. Maybe she’d even be _naked_ from their love making, both drinking their coffees nestled up in each other’s arms. She felt a warmth in her chest, and a sense of craving – a craving so strong that she realized she had never wanted something with such intensity as much as she wanted her fantasy to become reality.

“Ther – “ Carol’s voice snapped Therese out of her reverie.

“Oh, yeah…coffee’s in the cupboard next to the fridge and you can find the cups on the shelf behind you,” She was so lost in that beautiful picture her mind had come up with that she forgot it was Carol’s first time in her apartment and that she still wasn’t acquainted with her things, let alone where they were located.

“Thank you,” Carol said. And even though she couldn’t see her face, Therese knew she was smiling.

After a few minutes the coffee had finished brewing, Carol placed two cups on the dining table and started pouring the hot brown liquid letting her nose fill with the intense aroma – something she had always loved and that gave her an almost nostalgic sense of home.

The many pictures spread over the table caught her attention and she was instantly drawn to them. She had never seen the young girl’s photographs, Therese had never showed them, but Carol was amazed by her work. She brushed her fingers over the lines of what Therese had chosen as her subjects and tried to imagine the creative process happening in her mind while she was taking these pictures, taking in the nuance of emotions that was poured into those shots. It felt like seeing through her eyes, catching another small glimpse of her, and it was beautiful and fascinating, but intimate at the same time. She made a mental note to ask Therese about them.

She took the mugs filled with coffee and sat down on the couch next to the brunette. She rummaged in her purse for her cigarettes, then she put one in her mouth and lit it, soon after taking another one out to hand to Therese. “Here, have one of mine,” she said, leaning back against the soft cushions.

“Thank you,” Therese replied smiling. Carol was studying her intently. She observed the way her brows twitched involuntarily, her lips pressed in a tight line, and her hands tucked under her legs, shifting uncomfortably in her seat as if she didn’t know what to do with her own limbs. She noticed her unsettled eyes glancing around the room, trying to avoid Carol’s gaze. The silence didn’t feel uneasy but it was heavy. She had seen the girl like this multiple times, but today it was different – today she looked like her body could shatter with the mere touch of a finger.

Carol wondered if she was the reason of such discomfort, if it was her often cold and serious demeanor that set Therese back on her heels. She knew she wasn’t an easy person to be around, she’d always been particularly closed-off, distant, and in multiple occasions she had people telling her she even looked affectless. Carol didn’t give a damn about what others thought of her but she cared about Therese, very deeply, and it pained her to think that this might be the impression the girl had made of her.

“Do I always make you so uncomfortable?” Carol asked, her voice small, almost hesitant, her brows scrunched into a frown and what looked like a trace of insecurity was shaping her features.

Therese looked up to finally meet her eyes. “Honestly?” she asked tentatively.

“Please.” Carol gazed at her waiting for an answer.

“I…” She let out a trembling sigh. “I don’t know how to act around you Carol… I-I don’t know how to control my myself, my thoughts, or… my body when I’m with you. I feel – I don’t know, inadequate, like…like I’m not good enough and you’re so much more – “ Her trembling, faltering confession was abruptly cut short by the soft touch of hands on either sides of her neck. Carol leaned in so that their foreheads were resting against each other, her thumb gently stroked her cheek, as if she was asking for forgiveness through the simplest of gestures.“My angel,” it was all she said in a small whisper before their lips finally brushed, tentatively at first, as if neither of them dared to move, wanting to savor that moment and remember it forever. Carol’s lips parted slightly, her tongue seeking access which Therese immediately granted, and delved inside her mouth, sharing the taste of coffee and cigarette.

It was slow and passionate, and Carol thought it was the very first time she had truly, unrestrainedly poured herself into a kiss. Both their hearts felt they could implode, the air was completely knocked out of their lungs and Therese felt like she could cry from the intensity of her feelings. She wondered if this was how perfection felt like.

Carol’s hand had traveled up to cradle Therese’s head, intertwining her fingers with her brown hair, while the other was still gently cupping her cheek. All of a sudden Therese shifted position, using the back of the couch to prop herself up and sit on Carol’s lap, with her legs on either sides of her. They pulled each other closer, the older woman’s arms wrapped around Therese pressing her tightly against her chest, relishing the heat radiating from her body, while she nuzzled her neck with delicate kisses. Her hand slid up to rest against Therese’s heart, and she closed her eyes at the feeling of the rhythmic beats.

“I’m sorry I’ve ever made you feel that way… you’re _perfect_ Therese, I want you to remember that,” Carol said softly before taking her into her mouth again, and the young woman swore she had never heard her voice so imbued with emotions. She wanted her, she wanted Carol so much like she’d never wanted anything else in her life.

“Carol,” Therese whispered against her lips as she started unconsciously rotating her hips against the blonde’s pelvis.

Carol broke their kiss. “Therese…we can’t,” she said, her eyes closed in anguish already missing the intimacy they had yet to share. In reality she knew they could easily give into it, but with all the odds still working against them, she was terrified to have a taste of something so beautiful, scared of diving in completely, only to have it all taken away from her. Carol was still Therese’s professor and so many lines had already been crossed, but most importantly she feared the consequences if Harge were to find out, just like when he found out about Abby all those years ago, only this time Carol wasn’t sure she could survive the loss; she had loved Abby, but this was a whole different experience, as if her soul was irrevocably bound to Therese.

Carol noticed a flash of hurt swirling in the young girl’s eyes, and she wanted nothing more than to kiss it away, but she needed Therese to understand. “ _Love_ , look at me,” she said putting two fingers under her chin. “I want you. So much Therese… but I need you to wait. You’ll graduate in two months and then I will no longer be your professor.” She chose to leave out the fact that she’d be doing everything in her power to prevent her husband from getting in the way – she surely didn’t want to burden Therese with her own personal issues, too.

“Okay,” Therese said, resting her forehead against Carol’s.

“We can still do this though,” the older woman added before taking Therese’s lower lip between her teeth.

“Oh, and wouldn’t that be crossing a line?” The brunette chimed in.

Carol shrugged. “Only if you kiss and tell.”

 

***

 

Today was Monday and Therese wasn’t walking to get to campus, she was bouncing. It was Monday and just like anybody else she usually hated the first day of the week, but not today. Today she felt different, free of a burden she had been carrying on her shoulders for too long, the morning tasted like new possibilities and she was happy, happy to see her.

It had been years since Therese felt so alive; each day had started to fade into another, becoming more and more like a blur, tarnished by the dullness and automatism of her daily life. She had never thought she would wake up one day and have her heart thumping from excitement at the prospect of seeing someone, have her hands shaking from enthusiasm while she was brushing her teeth or putting her clothes on – not being able to stop smiling for more than a few seconds.

She spotted her immediately sitting at their usual table outside; it was the first time she had seen her at university since their talk the other day, since their weekend together.

“Hi,” Therese whispered when she was seated in front of her, but she couldn’t help the broad smile appearing on her face. Carol never averted her eyes from the book she was reading, instead she simply acknowledged her presence. “Ms. Belivet.”

Therese grinned at the use of her last name; it was the way Carol had always addressed her but now it sounded differently, it sounded like secret kisses and whispered words. It sounded like _love_.

“Where’s my coffee?” Carol asked when she finally looked up.

Therese leaned forward so she could whisper. “I thought you said not to draw attention.”

“Yeah, but you always bring me coffee.”

“Right, sorry” she chuckled. “Here, have some of mine.”

Carol took a sip of Therese’s coffee after she made sure there weren’t people around that could have noticed their small exchange, and when she handed back the cup, her cold blue eyes landed on Therese’s shirt. Her gaze traveled up and down the girl’s figure only to focus again on that particular garment. Therese was wearing her AC/DC vest shirt, the same she had to put on when she spilled her coffee all over her white button-up the day she was supposed to present her portfolio all those weeks ago, only this time she wasn’t wearing a bra, the fresh breeze of the early morning causing her nipples to stand out. Carol’s face was utterly emotionless but Therese could clearly see the blackness starting to spread in her eyes and the changes in her breathing.

“What a bold choice of clothing,” the older woman said, her voice husky and lower in tone.

“This? Why, you like it?” Therese question sounded casual, but the mischievous grin on her face and the way she bit down her lower lip made Carol’ brows raise in surprise.

“Are you teasing me, Ms. Belivet?”

“No, no… I would _never_!” Therese said with a smirk. It’s like suddenly she’d been possessed, gone was the insecure and bashful woman she usually was, replaced by this provocative and uninhibited version of herself – that’s what Carol had the ability to bring about.

Carol smiled. _Well, two can play that game._

“Such an audacious girl you are. But never really thinking about the consequences, is that right?” Just as Therese was about to reply Carol interjected, and this time her voice came out even lower in volume.

“You see, _I_ have mastered control impeccably, and while I want nothing more than to tear that little shirt off of you right now, I know how to behave myself, but _you_ my dear, have so much to learn… how to control your needy impulses and how to stop your mind from creating images in the worst, possible moments..” She enunciated the last words slowly, purposefully waiting a few second before she leaned forward a few inches.

“Because now, in less than five minutes we’ll be in class and I’ll be teaching my lecture, just like any other day, while you will be unable to refrain from picturing me all over your naked body,” Carol said starting to create a scene for Therese’s mind. “Imagining what it would be if I were pinning you down on top of my very desk, using my tongue on you… fucking you like that’s the only thing we were made for… and I would have to cover your mouth to suppress your moans and whimpers and you would _beg_ me to let you come.”

The young girl felt like she could choke at any moment, the air having completely left her lungs. She could already feel the wetness gathering in her panties.

“You’ll be picturing all of this Therese, and I can’t wait to see you get up from your seat in the middle of _my_ lecture, because then I’ll know that you just can’t take it anymore, then I’ll know you’ll be craving for release,” Carol said, picking up her things and grabbing her purse. Then, she got up from her seat and walked around the table, stopping next to a wide-eyes Therese, just a few inches away, before she leaned closer and whispered in her ear.

“Oh and you…would be wearing that naughty little bunny mask of yours,” she finally said before turning on her heels and shouting over her shoulder. “See you in class Ms. Belivet.”

The lecture had never been longer; Therese kept counting down the minutes that separated her from this hell. She had thought about going to one of the restroom to take care of it but in the end decided against it not wanting to give Carol that kind of satisfaction.

She was trying to control herself, but there was nothing she could do to stop from squirming in her seat; she had never thought a simple chair could be so uncomfortable. She knew that Carol had seen her, her gaze traveled around the classroom but she could see the way it changed whenever her eyes would fall on her, catching the discomfort and the small twitching of her body.

She was exploding. Carol was right, she couldn’t stop the scene that she had thoroughly depicted from invading her brain, and the deep voice that kept filling her ears was only feeding her arousal.

Two painfully long hours later professor Aird finally dismissed the class but before Therese could pick up her things and swiftly make her exit, she was abruptly stopped in her tracks by the sound of her name being called.

“Ms. Belivet, in my office please.”

_Fuck. No.._

When Therese shut the door of professor Aird’s office behind her a few minutes later, she found the blonde woman sitting at her desk and going though some documents that Therese thought were probably university’s material. Carol took off her glasses and silently gestured towards one of the two chairs in front of her, giving Therese her cue to take a seat. She took a few seconds just to study the girl before she finally broke the silence, a teasing smirk on her face.

“You can’t take it anymore, can you?”

Therese stayed silent, her mind too fuzzy from arousal to form any coherent speech, although she wasn’t able to control the unconscious clench of her thighs, which Carol promptly took as her answer.

Her next words elicited a small groan from the brunette. “And you want to come,” it wasn’t even a question, she already knew Therese was in desperate need for release.

Carol let a short silence stretch between them; she leaned back against her chair adjusting the material of her skirt, she licked her lips eyeing up the girl’s body, then she spoke again, her voice masterfully unwavering, but rough and low from arousal nonetheless.

“You can touch yourself.”

The words knocked the air out of Therese’s lungs; she gripped the edge of the chair tightly making her knuckles turn white and her hips started instinctively rotating seeking friction against the hard surface. Therese closed her eyes, the heat that kept spreading to her body was becoming increasingly unbearable and a sheen of sweat was already forming in her hairline. Carol knew Therese was teetering on the brink of implosion – she had been hot and bothered since the lecture started. The next words were meant to make her finally give in. “You must be soaked Therese… I can picture my fingers sliding down, buried in your wetness, I can imagine what you’d taste like on my tongue. ” And as if Therese’s hand had a mind of her own, she undid the buttons of her jeans and let it slide under the thin fabric of her panties, mimicking the image that Carol was painting though her words.

“God, Therese you’re so beautiful, all spread out – fucking yourself for me...is that what you wanted when you dressed like that this morning? To sit here in my office, you fingers deep inside you… well aware that anyone walking pass this door would be able to hear you...”

Therese whimpered accelerating the circular movements on her clit. “God – yes…yess..”

Carol continued. “Wearing a shirt that can hardly be considered appropriate…the one I chastised you for, Therese – or did you forget about?”

“No,” Therese managed to say between her moans.

The sight in front of her was intoxicating. Carol was panting and her mouth watering with the ever-growing need of tasting her. Her eyes were firmly fixed on Therese’s hand buried in her own sex and she wondered what it would feel like when she was the one pleasuring the girl, what it would feel like to have her velvet walls clenching around her fingers as she neared her orgasm. The thought of having Therese unbridled and exposed squirming underneath her body was utterly overwhelming, her own panties already drenched in her wetness, and although this was all about Therese, she _needed_ to see the girl come undone before her eyes, and she wanted to be the one to bring her to the edge.

Therese’s head was slightly tilted back, her body was already on the verge of collapsing, but her eyes never averted away from the woman in front of her – she was getting off on Carol watching her. “Fuck…Carol, I need - ” Therese mewled, careful not to let her voice get too loud.

“That’s right honey, let go…come for me.”

Therese pressed down on her clit harder, her movements were reduced to quick jerks of her body, and her vision faded to black as she dissolved into shattering pleasure, a wave of pure bliss invading all of her senses.

Carol thought it was one of the most beautiful things she’d ever seen; the way Therese had finally let go was graceful and sweet, but simply erotic. The soft sounds of her small whimpers were filling the room making the older woman shake with strong desire. She waited for Therese to finally come down from her climax before she spoke, her voice strangled with lust.

“Come here.”

Therese got up on wobbly legs and unsteadily approached Carol, standing right in front of her. The older woman parted her legs so that Therese could settle between them. She took the girl’s hand, still coated in slick wetness, and put her fingers in her mouth, wrapping her scarlet red lips around them, cleaning her off.

She took her time teasing, slowly scraping her teeth against the soft skin and sensually swirling her tongue around the girl’s long fingers, making it a point to never break eye contact. Her glacier blue eyes, now darkened with desire, were firmly fixed on green ones, looking up at the brunette with lust – always exuding power.

The image in front of her was erotic and obscene in a way that Therese had never thought possible. Even if Carol was sitting down sucking off the evidence of her orgasm, in a position that could be considered of compliance, she still was the one undeniably in control.

Carol released her fingers with a loud pop and regarded Therese with a mischievous grin, leaving the girl desperately trying to get a grip on reality. She turned around and lit one of her cigarettes taking a long drag, the ashy taste of smoke mixing with the sweet, tangy one of Therese.

“You should go dear. You wouldn’t want to be late for your next class,” Carol said now casually flipping the pages of a paper she suddenly took interest in.

Therese went to retrieve her bag and headed for the door, silently thinking she would need a couple of days before she could start forming coherent thoughts again, there was no way she could pay attention to any lecture whatsoever.

Before she opened the door she turned around and broke the silence. “Will I see you tomorrow?”

Carol looked up and her cold unwavering demeanor was now replaced by warmth and the softest of smiles. “Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this had been fun to write!  
> I would love to talk with you about this chapter, leave your thoughts bunnies;)


	7. Every Breath You Take

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 7, this one has been really tough for me to write, so I hope it lives up to your expectations. I am loving every single one of your comments, they really keep me inspired!

“Okay, look up,” Therese said tilting the blonde’s head slightly backwards putting her fingers under her chin.

“Carol! Stay still.”

The older woman let out an exasperated huff. “I can’t! it’s a reflex…”

“Yeah and if you keep moving like this it’s gonna get all in your eye,” Therese said holding the small brush in her hand.

Carol rolled her eyes dramatically. “That’s what I’m scared of,” she said stating the obvious.

Therese threw her hands up in defeat. “Okay, fine – no eye shadow in your lower lash line.”

“Thank you,” Carol mouthed in relief.

They were both sitting on the floor of Therese’s apartment, Carol had her back against the couch while the young brunette was settled between her legs facing her. Therese had come up with the idea of doing Carol’s make-up when they were fantasizing about finally going out as a couple. They imagined having lunch at a restaurant, or simply hanging out together leisurely walking by the lake in Central Park where they would have a picnic and talk for hours, enjoying the company of each other in the open air.

They fantasized about going for a date; Carol told her they would spend hours getting ready, choosing their best outfits – because even though they had known each other for so long now, they both would want their first date to be nothing less than perfect. Carol told Therese she would take her to dinner in one of her favorite restaurants where they would need to dress accordingly. Then, she would take her out for a drink and they would flirt and tease, just like any other couple. Perhaps they’d even drink a little too much before she’d take her home and make love to her.

So Therese suggested they could have a fake date at her apartment; she said they could order take out, dress up in fancy clothes, get ready just like they would do if they were really going out; if that was a real date. That’s when she offered to do Carol’s make-up. Of course she didn’t anticipate it would take almost two hours to finish, with all the jokes and laughs they simply got lost in time.

“I’m just gonna smoke this out..” Therese said, lost in concentration. She dipped the fluffy brush into the dark brown shadow on her palette – a color she thought really brought out the flecks of grey in Carol’s eyes. She leaned forward a few inches, her hand resting on Carol’s cheek for support, and started blending it in the outer corner of her eye with gentle strokes, up to her crease, creating a perfectly blended dark shade.

“You make this same face when you draw, you know?” Carol observed while Therese was busy looking for some other product amongst the many things scattered over the floor.

“Uh?”

“When you’re drawing… you always get this pensive expression on your face – you frown a little and you unconsciously pout your lips – it’s adorable. And there’s a vein here,” Carol brushed her fingers lightly over the spot between Therese’s brows. “It becomes more prominent when you concentrate. You look so serious but that’s how I know your mind’s set to something. You get this same look when you’re drawing,” Carol said, now tracing the slope of Therese’s nose.

She could see a faint pink spreading across her cheeks, the blushing color so sweet against her pale skin; the shy smile on her face making her small dimples appear – something that Carol so secretly adored. They fell in a comfortable silence, their fingers laced together, Carol pressing lingering kisses against Therese’s hand while they stared into each other’s eyes.

God, she loved these moments.

Carol planted another soft kiss on the girl’s forehead before she broke the quietness. “Now, get this makeup done.”

Therese chuckled lightly. “Close your eyes,” she said picking up the liquid eyeliner, and starting to create a long line above her lashes, slowly building up the intensity of the look, and finally extending the liner to wing it out.

“Therese?”

“Mm?”

“Will you ever show me your pictures?” Carol asked barely moving her lips so as not to cause Therese’s hand to jerk.

“Oh, I don’t – they’re not really good…” The brunette replied finishing up the makeup with a touch of blush on Carol’s cheeks.

“Isn’t that something other people let you know? Whether they’re good or not…then you just keep working, use what feels right and throw away the rest.”

“Yeah, I suppose..”

“So? Will you?

Therese smiled sheepishly. “Okay.”

She handed Carol a mirror so that she could finally see the result. “Here.”

“Oh god…” Carol said covering her mouth with her hand. “I haven’t looked like this since I was… I don’t know – twenty or something,” Carol uttered paying extra attention to her dark eye shadow. It had been a long time since she put that much makeup on, not to mention the thick eyeliner – she had always been more of a ‘bold lipstick’ kind of woman – but she had to admit Therese did a great job, she was so good at pretty much everything that involved a pencil or a brush.

“You look beautiful,” Therese said, stroking her fingers through Carol’s blonde locks trying to untangle her hair tousled by the earlier wind that had whipped it wildly in every direction.

Carol chuckled. “No…I look too old for this.”

“You’re not old, Carol,” Therese said resolutely.

“Older than you my dear,” Carol quipped. Their age gap never really bothered her, Therese was a smart, intelligent and independent woman. Everything just felt so natural that it made her often forget there were more than twenty years between them, but sometimes she wondered if Therese felt the same way. Even if she did, Carol was well aware this was a whole different experience for a twenty-four year old; Therese was young, she had her entire life ahead of her, a student in her prime who had yet to live so many experiences.

“Age is really just a number,” Therese shot back, averting her eyes from the blonde.

Carol scratched at the side of her neck. It took her a few seconds before she responded. “Well, yeah… I guess so.”

Therese on the contrary was quick to reply. “No, I know that for sure. Otherwise how would you explain that I’ve only ever been with people my age but I’ve never… felt like this before.”

“You say that now dear, but you’re going to get bored of me,” Carol said playfully with a wink, playing it cool and giving her shoulder a nudge.

Therese looked at Carol with horror, as if she’d just slapped her, as if her words had bore a hole in her chest leaving her wide open. “Don’t… don’t say that ,I could never – ” Her words came out choked, and seeing her like this made Carol want nothing more than to _hold_ her. Therese wasn’t crying, she just looked utterly upset.

Carol pulled her close and wrapped her arms tightly around her body. “Hey,” she whispered, her lips moving against her temple. “Therese… it was just – a _stupid_ joke.” She wasn’t sure what elicited this sudden and unexpected response from the young girl, but she _knew_ that when she tried to imagine her life without Therese in it she could feel a weight constricting her chest. She felt a tight grip squeezing the air out of her lungs; the mere thought of it was enough to make her succumb in despair. She believed that’s exactly what Therese was experiencing.

“What if you grow tired of me?” Therese asked, the words coming out of her mouth barely audible, so soft that if her mouth wasn’t so close to Carol’s ear she would have missed them.

Carol put some distance between them and placed her hands on both sides of Therese’s head. “Do you have… _any_ idea – ” She trailed off letting out a trembling sigh, her voice thick with emotion. She was willing to change her entire life for this girl, how could she think such absurdity?

“Therese, that…that’s not going to happen. I’ll be here, with you – as long as you want me – do you hear me?” Carol said, holding Therese’s gaze steadily, wanting her to know she meant every single word. Therese nodded vigorously and Carol was relieved to see understanding in her eyes.

She had already come to terms with the fact that Therese could wake up one day and realize she needed to live her life on her own, realize that there were things that Carol simply couldn’t give her. She made peace with that the moment she gave in to their relationship, but Therese – she _needed_ her to know she wasn’t going anywhere.

Carol reached out her hand, brushed a strand of dark hair away from Therese’s face and cupped her cheek gently. “Now, go get me those pictures… I want to see them,” she said, gesturing with a little toss of her head in the general direction of Therese’s bedroom, desperately trying to lighten the mood.

Therese took a deep breath, then smiled and got up from her sitting position. “Okay, just a moment.”

Carol watched as she walked to her room, already missing the contact with her body. It was always like this, the more time passed the more she realized the touches, the kisses – _her_ presence – they were never enough. She knew what she needed to do when she would get home later that day, because if there was uncertainty before, now there was only resolution. She was going to change her life for that girl, and she knew it was going to be hard but she was also absolutely sure it was going to be worth every single struggle she would have to face.

When Therese walked back into the living room she was carrying her portfolio in one hand and her old camera in the other. She sat on the floor, this time right next to Carol, and she placed the big photo album on her lap. Carol met Therese’s gaze looking once again for permission which Therese granted with a slight nod of her head.

The book was made of brown leather and had a vintage quality to it. Flipping the first page Carol read a slightly faded _Therese Belivet_ written down with a pencil, and she smiled at the simplicity of it.

She turned another page and tucked between a thin layer of tissue paper and the sheet of card there was a black and white photograph of an old woman; she was sitting on a big armchair beside a window, her eyes looking fixedly outside through the clear glass and she was holding a cigarette between her fingers. Her expression was solemn, meditative, but the wrinkles around her mouth, and the curve of her lips showed a small, almost unnoticeable smile. The old woman wore a headscarf perfectly tied around her head that exposed only part of her visibly silver hair, the knot was made at the base of her nape and the long piece of fabric fell down her shoulder. Under a black cardigan she wore an oversized Sex Pistols t-shirt, - her strong personality really seeping through the still image.

“That’s my grandmother… a month before she died,” Therese said, explaining the shot of the mysterious woman. Carol’s head turned to face Therese, and her eyes fixed on her. “She’s gorgeous. She looks like she was a true free spirit,” Carol replied tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “Yeah, she was. She taught me everything I know about photography… Art in general. I really looked up to her, she was - all I’ve always wanted to be.”

“I’m sure she’d be proud of you,” Carol said with confidence.

Therese opened her mouth to respond and Carol could sense she was about to protest, but before she had a chance, she chimed in tapping her finger on Therese’s shoulder. “Nuh-uh, I’m the professor here, it is my job to assess your abilities, view your potential and make sure you gain the most out of it,” Carol said jokingly, almost dramatically as if she was reciting some sort of motto she had already heard many times.

“And you my dear, are a great artist,” she added, and this time her voice came out lower and soft. She leaned back against the edge of the couch as she lit a cigarette, and after taking a few deep drags, she handed it to Therese before moving to the next picture.

Therese had photographed some kids playing ball in an abandoned field. They were the focus of the picture but in the foreground, near the observer, a blurred figure of another kid framed the shot on one side. He was sitting on the concrete floor tying his shoes while his attention was drawn to the amateur match. Carol could see how good Therese had been at capturing the quality of that moment; the fun, the fatigue – the way it looked like those kids were having the time of their lives.

“I don’t think I’ve said this enough but… you’re so talented Therese.”

“Thank you,” the young girl said smiling and flicking the ash into a plastic cup filled with water, she never really bothered to buy herself a proper tray – then she passed the cigarette back to Carol.

She took another puff. “What do you see when you’re taking these?”

“Like, from a technical point of view?”

“No, I mean…” Her head tilted backward to blow out the smoke. “What are you looking for when you see through the lens?”

Therese shrugged. “Well, I see something I like that inspires me, and I can envision the picture in my head. Then, I just frame it and when it feels right, when it speaks to me… I click.”

“And what is it that inspires you now?”

“People… I’d like to start taking pictures of people.”

“Mmh, someone in particular?” Carol voice had dropped lower, her arm was resting on the couch behind her, and she kept running her fingers through her hair, in a way that it was just so _her_.

Therese didn’t have to utter a single word, it was all in her eyes, the fierce desire of taking pictures of this woman and make every moment with her last forever. Carol leaned forward and her mouth made contact with Therese’s soft lips, it wasn’t ravenous and passionate like their other times, it was sweet and gentle – almost chaste. When she broke the kiss she picked up the camera that was lying on the floor and handed it to Therese, looking steadily in her eyes as she silently offered herself as her model.

Therese took the camera holding Carol’s gaze. She was astonished, it was like a small dream coming true; she had imagined taking pictures of Carol so many times that it had started to feel like she already had an entire collection of them. Her mind was filled with photos of her, the lighting, the angles, it was all already stored in her brain, and the thought of being able to finally turn these imaginary shots into reality made Therese feel utterly euphoric. Not only the subject of these photos was a living and breathing human being – something that Therese had always found terrifying – she was _Carol_ , the woman she loved.

Therese angled her head, the artificial light sculpting the perfect structure of her cheekbones, and brushed a strand of hair away from her face, then she aimed her camera at the beautiful woman in front of her and ‘ _click_ ’ – that moment had been captured for eternity.

Carol felt her mind racing and her heart thumping hard against her chest; she wasn’t usually very keen on having her picture taken. She had definitely never experienced such proximity with someone holding a camera; it felt exposing, and intimate, but she’d also never trusted a person the way she trusted Therese – implicitly and unconditionally.

Many pictures had been taken and almost an hour had passed. They were now sitting on the couch – both their backs hurting for staying on the cold hard floor for too long; Therese was comfortably laying down, knees bent and her head resting on Carol’s lap while the older woman gently stroked her forehead.

“So, when will I see these photos?” Carol asked as she continued running her fingers through her brown hair.

“Soon, I have to develop them first, but I’m probably going to do that tonight after work,” Therese replied looking up at Carol.

Carol frowned. She had never _really_ thought about it but Therese attended every single one of her lectures after she had spent the night working late at the club; she would get home at 3:00 AM and be up and ready for class at 6:30 in the morning, almost every day. Carol felt a sudden, heavy sense of guilt surging up within her when she thought of the many times she had reprimanded Therese for always being late, for not focusing enough, when in reality she was being the most spectacular student she had ever had all along. It pained her to know that this is what Therese had to endure in order to pay the bills; to live on her own with no one looking out for her.

“I think...” Carol sighed rubbing her forehead. She didn’t know how to phrase what she was about to suggest without overstepping. It was a whole new territory for them. “Maybe you should take into consideration the…possibility of a new job. You can’t work so much at night when you have to attend classes the next morning Therese…it’s not good for you, it’s - both your health and your grades are being affected,” the moment the words were out of her mouth she knew she had made a mistake. She could feel Therese’s body tensing instantly. The young girl got off Carol’s lap and slid a few inches across the couch, distancing herself from the older woman.

A deep frown appeared on her face. “Are you saying this as my professor?”

“Of course not,” Carol said, her mouth agape with words that just weren’t coming out. What were they? They had never talked about it, never defined their relationship, so was she saying this as her girlfriend? Or a friend or-

Carol’s thoughts were abruptly cut short. “It’s not like I have better options.”

“I know, I know… I’m sorry Therese, that is not what I meant,” Carol replied quickly, placing a hand on Therese’s shoulder, and hoping she would understand. She watched as the brunette got up from her seat and walked to the kitchen to pour herself a glass of water, and she knew this was her way of letting Carol know that she didn’t want to push it any further, and as much as she wanted to talk about it, to make Therese open up – because she so desperately wanted to help – she knew it wasn’t the right time.

Carol glanced at her watched, it was late, Rindy would be home soon after her play date with Tommy – one of her friends from school – and she needed to get back. It was her number one rule to always be home for her daughter. 

  
“I really need to go now,” Carol said picking up her things from the couch. She walked in the kitchen and placed a soft kiss on Therese’s temple. “See you tomorrow Angel.”

 

***

 

Carol was typing at her laptop when she heard the sound of the door shutting, she looked up over her computer and saw her little girl running towards her, Harge right behind her. Rindy climbed on her mother’s lap and Carol hugged her tightly, taking in the feeling of her daughter in her arms. 

“How was your day honey?” Carol said caressing the little girl’s rounded cheeks.

“It was awesome mommy, we played outside and found a lot of gummies.” Gummy was the way Rindy had been calling worms pretty much since she started talking – it was because of their consistency – and it never failed to make Carol smile. “We put them in a jar and tried to feed them, but then Tommy’s mom said we should put them back outside because it wasn’t fair to take them away from their home. I think she’s right. I liked it a lot, Tommy…not so much… he found them gross,” Rindy finished telling her story with a small pout on her mouth.

“Well, not everybody likes gummies sweetheart,” Carol said as she bounced the little girl up and down on her knees.  
  
“That’s sad mommy…” Rindy started talking about all the good qualities she could think about worms and how she loved playing with them, all the while Carol’s attention was drawn to someone else. She could hardly hear her daughter’s words as she saw the look on Harge’s face from a distance. He was watching her, the coldness in his eyes felt unsettling but Carol couldn’t help staring back at him.  
  
“You got guts coming home like that,” his low voice rumbled in the room, so sudden that it startled Rindy and interrupted her story.   
  
Carol planted a kiss on the little girl’s head, never averting her eyes away from her husband. “Baby, why don’t you go in my room? You can play dress up with mommy’s clothes, what do you say?”  
  
Rindy looked at her father than back at Carol and replied reluctantly. “Okay.”  
  
“I’ll be there in a bit,” Carol said, waiting for her daughter to disappear in her room. Then she directed her attention right back at Harge, taking a few steps across the living area, and looking steadily at him. “How dare you speak like that in front of my daughter,” Carol spoke through gritted teeth in a low, taut voice.  
  
“Don’t try to change the subject, Carol… where the fuck have you been…looking like that?” he spitted his last words, anger dripping from his mouth, and gestured towards his own face indicating he was referring to her makeup.  
  
She still had it on, the dark eye shadow and the eyeliner she had for her fake date with Therese; she had completely forgotten about it, too lost in the memories of another beautiful day spent with the brunette, lost in her thoughts about the things they had shared, the unspoken words, the small confessions; she forgot to take it off.  
  
Carol scoffed crossing her arms in front of her chest. “Do you really think you have the right to ask me that? What I do when I’m not in here is none of your business, not anymore.” Carol was panting, her heart thumping erratically against her ribs with the knowledge that _this_ was finally coming to an end. She made her decision days ago, decided it was about time she started a new life, have a chance at happiness – at _love_ maybe, and it was all for Therese; she had shed a light into her dark life, made her realize that there was so much more to live for, and Carol had never felt more alive.   
  
She would fight tooth and nail for her daughter but now she was absolutely sure that this was the best decision she could make, she deserved better – Rindy deserved a mother who wasn’t afraid to let her true self shine, who didn’t live her life against her own grain, and she had never been more ready than she was now.  
  
“I want a divorce,” Carol said solemnly. It was like a heavy weight had been lift off her chest, it felt like she could breathe again; the joy so strong that she could already feel tears gathering at the corner of her eyes.   
  
She could see his eyes widening in utter disbelief, he looked at her as if she had gown two heads, as if he was sure she would never have the courage to leave him, and it disgusted Carol to know that. But then his look changed, she saw the ice invading his eyes as he kept staring at her for what felt like hours. Suddenly he took a few strides towards her and he gripped her arm, tightly – almost too tightly – before he let his next words out. When he spoke this time his voice was unwavering and controlled, a stark contrast to the intensity of his hand wrapped around Carol’s wrist. “You’re _my_ wife Carol…take a day to clear your thoughts, I’m sure you’ll come to your senses. You wouldn’t want to disrupt this marriage for one of your meaningless flings, now would you?”   
  
Carol forcefully got her arm out of his grip and took several steps away from him. “No…” Carol said shaking her head. “I don’t think you understand.” She said in an affirmative voice. “It’s not… a fling,” she trailed off, nauseated by the mere thought of Therese as a casual fuck. “I love her…” Carol whispered, mostly to herself, finally admitting the most sacred of truths.  
  
She loved her.   
  
She _loved_ her.   
  
She kept playing the words in her head, relishing the sound of it. Deep down she had known for a long time but it felt beautiful being able to say them aloud, to really put a name to her feelings for Therese – even if she had confessed it all to the wrong person. She loved her.

His mouth was twisted in a crooked smile. A devious, calculating look crossed his face before he replied.“As I said, I’m sure you’ll come to your senses…” Harge said as he picked up the keys that he’d laid on the table when he got home, then walked away and slammed the door on his way out. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would love to hear what you think of this chapter and your predictions for the following one, any clues?


	8. My Angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Note: there’s a change in the timeline.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you so much for all of your comments and support.  
> This is a very long chapter and I hope you'll enjoy it as much as I've enjoyed writing it.  
> Thoughts and comments would be so appreciated

“Thank you , Abby…for letting us stay here, ”  Carol said as she lit a cigarette and offered her friend one from her package. 

“Don’t even mention it. I love having you and Rindy around, ” Abby took one of the cigarette and held it between her index and middle finger as she deftly poured them both some hot tea from the kettle with the same hand. 

Carol had dropped by Abby’s place the night before after her fight with Harge. She needed someone to talk to and of course that would be her best friend, but it was already late when she got there and after their long talk Rindy had fallen asleep on the couch, so Abby invited them to stay and Carol eagerly accepted – in all honesty she really didn’t want to go back home just yet. 

They were now leisurely sitting at the table after they finished eating the dinner that Abby  had  cooked with a  little help from her friend,  chatting and  warming their stomachs with a hot cinnamon tea, while Rindy was busy playing in the living room with her favorite dolls. 

“Carol…for what it’s worth, I think you did the right thing,” Abby said after taking a long drag of her cigarette. 

“I know. I just…I wish it didn’t take me so long.” 

“Well, it’s over now, that’s what really matters.” 

“But Rindy-“ She was cut off. Abby’s voice was soft but firm nevertheless. 

“Honey, I know you love your daughter, but that doesn’t mean you have to live a life of self-deprivation. She’ll be just _fine_ … you gave her everything already - I’m sure she wants nothing more than to see her mommy happy. She’ll understand.” She placed her hand on Carol’s arm and squeezed in reassurance. 

Carol smiled a little . The smile of someone who’s lost in their thoughts.  “Yeah.”

“Now, tell me… what are you still doing here?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Theresa?” 

“Therese,” Carol quickly corrected. 

“Well, the lovely young woman you fell head over heels in love with…” She trailed off seeing how Carol’s face lit up when she mentioned Therese, a faint pink spreading to her cheeks. The look on her face was soft and one of pure joy – something Abby had ever seen on her friend. “She means a lot to you.”  

It wasn’t a question. It was a fact.

“Oh, Abby…” Carol inhaled audibly, her mouth opening and closing like a goldfish, unable to find the right words to describe her feelings. “She means everything.” 

Abby’s lips stretched into a knowing smile.  “So…where is she?”

“I-I don’t know, home I guess?” 

“Then what the hell are you still doing here?” Abby asked. Mindful of the little girl still playing in the living room she lowered her voice.“You left that prick, go get your girl.” 

“But Rindy-“ 

“I swear to god, if you start another sentence with ‘but Rindy’… I’m gonna smack you-” 

“Rude,” Carol interjected, playfully jogging Abby’s shoulder with a flick of her wrist. 

“She’ll be fine with me, Carol. We’ll read, have some hot chocolate and I’ll tuck her into bed by 8, promise.” 

Carol let the deep curve on her lips widen into a broad grin. “Fine. ”

In less than a minute she was out of the door in the humid air of New York City, trying to catch a cab to get to the place she wanted to be the most.

 

***

 

Therese loved breathing in the fresh breeze of the early morning. It was reinvigorating and it calmed her. Ever since Carol became a part of her daily life, Therese found that the exhaustion that came with a long night at work didn’t matter as much, when met with the prospect of seeing her. 

She stood in line at her favorite coffee house, waiting to order her  venti hot vanilla macchiato and one tall skinny flavored latte —  _ their _ coffees. Therese thought about the special day they had spent together — their ‘fake date’ as they had called it — and marveled at how good she felt every meeting afterward. The more time Therese spent with Carol, the more she felt as though she needed her. Carol was like a drug, the finest kind, and Therese couldn’t get enough of her.

Her thoughts then drifted to their last conversation, about Therese’s employment at the club. In retrospect, she knew she had been unnecessarily harsh with Carol, closing off and pushing her away at the very mention of her job. But it was difficult for Therese to talk about it — anything about her personal life was a sore subject for that matter — but her role at the club had always been particularly taboo. Therese never talked about it with anybody. She knew that discussing her job with Carol shouldn’t have been a problem, seeing as how that was where they met (that side of her, anyway). But it remained difficult and it drove Therese  _ insane _ ,  because the club happened  to be where most of her wildest sexual fantasies took place. So Therese decided that she would try to talk about it again with Carol, attempt to open up to see what would happen.

Finally, the barista handed Therese the coffees she’d ordered. The spelling of her name on the carton cups was butchered, as always. She placed them on the nearby counter and added three pumps of sugar to her hot drink. Taking a quick glance at her watch, Therese was happy to see that she was on time. She still had an hour before class started, which meant extra time with Carol before her lecture. 

Although it was still quite early, the sun was already beaming down through the clouds, making Therese squint when she left the coffee shop. She slid on her favorite dark glasses, tilting her head back to let the rays of sun caress her skin. It wasn’t until she turned around to walk in the direction of the subway station that she felt a firm grip around her arm from behind.

“Therese Belivet?” The low, deep masculine voice, along with the large hand on her arm, confirmed that whoever was standing behind her was a man.

“Yes?” Therese asked tentatively, turning around to face the mysterious stranger. Her instinct was already giving her red flags.

The man was exceptionally tall and well-built; judging by the wrinkles around his eyes and the salt and pepper look of his hair and stubble, he looked to be in his mid-forties. By the look of him, he left Therese the impression that he was a man of little words— one of those smart, thinker types who could scoop someone up with little to no effort if he wanted to, but would rather use his intellect instead. 

“Can I have a minute with you, Miss?” he asked. The unwavering quality to his voice sent chills down her spine.

“Who are you?” Therese straightened, trying to look unaffected by the encounter.

A black Mercedes SUV came into view, and he reached his hand out to open one of the backdoors. “If you could just follow me, we can have a talk in private, Miss Belivet.”

Therese’s eyes widened. “No, I don’t think so. Now, if you’ll excuse me…” 

She turned on her heels to walk away, but his deep voice spoke up again, “Are you familiar with the name Carol Aird?”

Therese froze, stopping abruptly in her tracks.

“What about her?” she asked harshly, facing him once again as she tried to keep her breathing leveled, her heart pumping extra beats. 

He didn’t answer, instead gesturing simply towards the car parked behind him. “Please, follow me.”

Taking a deep breath, Therese closed her eyes and considered her options. She could turn around and walk away as far as she could from the man standing in front of her — but he knew her full name as well as Carol’s. Therefore, Therese didn’t feel like she had much of a choice, other than to comply and listen to whatever he came here to say. Besides, he didn’t look like he wanted to hurt her, just — talk. So she climbed into the back seat of his black SUV. The type of vehicle alone was enough to make tremble with fear.

_ What’s with black SUVs and shady men?  _

Rubbing her hands on her jeans to get rid of the excessive sweat, Therese squirmed in her seat while she waited for him to get in the car. She was surprised, maybe even a little relived, when the door opposite her opened, rather than the driver’s seat, which meant they weren’t going anywhere.

“Who are you?” Therese asked again once he settled next to her, and she slid across the seat to distance herself as much as possible.

 “Let’s just say that I’m a spokesman, representing the interests of my client,” the man said as he took a folder out of his briefcase. His gravelly, monotonous voice vibrated within the small space of his car. It was calm and controlled, just like his overall demeanor, and it intimidated her. His imposing presence felt… heavy. “Is it correct that you are an arts student, Miss Belivet?”

“Yes, I — wait…” Her brows furrowed, confused as she stared agape at the man who apparently was in possession of most of her personal information.  

“I understand that Mrs. Aird is one of your professors,” he continued methodically, presenting her with a sheet of paper from the brown folder. Carol’s name was written down, along with her home address, the names of her closest relatives, her  _ profession _ and a list of students from the current academic year. 

“Oh, yes. She’s, um…”Therese trailed off, completely lost. Nothing so far made any sense, but it dawned on her that she needed to be particularly careful with her replies. But she couldn’t figure out how to continue, instead stared at him hopelessly, utter desperation splashed over her face.

_ Carol _ .

She could already feel the pressure of hot tears gathering in the corner of her eyes, threatening to fall. The whole situation was odd: sitting in a car with a stranger who looked like he walked straight out of a movie. But all Therese could think about was Carol, and her inability to protect her. Therese should have her back, always, but here she was fumbling for words that just couldn’t come. She just sat there like a frightened little girl, a single tear rolling down her cheek.

The lines of the man’s face softened almost imperceptibly, and there was a glint of something in his eyes — was that sympathy?

He sighed and adjusted his tie before sliding the brown folder back into his briefcase, turning now to face Therese. 

“Miss Belivet. In all honesty, I would end this before it gets ugly. You’re young. Whatever situation you have found yourself in, there’s still time to walk away. Let me make myself clear. I am doing my job, meaning that I will do  _ anything _ my client has hired me for. I’m only here as a  _ warning _ … They will not stop until they get what they want. Do you understand?”

Therese managed to absently shake her head, staring behind him at nothing in particular. She felt like she was on the verge of a panic attack, her breathing short and shallow, and the sensation of uselessness washing over her did nothing to quell her state of fear. The man didn’t give her any time to reply, instead stepping out of the car and walking around the vehicle to open her door. He reached his hand to help her out, which she adamantly refused to take, clumsily stepped out of the vehicle with both hands full of her to-go cups of coffee.

“I trust that you won’t divulge our conversation with  anyone , Miss Belivet.”

And then he was gone, suddenly, undisturbed, just as how he appeared on the sidewalk in front of Therese’s favorite coffee shop.

 

***

 

Carol didn’t show up to work that morning. Therese had walked into class, later than usual due to her encounter with the mysterious man, and had expected to be greeted by a pair of annoyed gray-blue eyes, but there sat Ms. Dabrowski at Carol’s desk instead. Surprised, Therese spent the entire duration of the lecture completely lost in thought. 

Unbearable fear was gnawing at her in torment and Carol’s absence was only making it worse. It was late when she finally got home and Therese poured herself a glass of liquid calm accompanied with the soothing gesture of a smoke. Sitting down at her kitchen counter, Therese watched the water droplets trickling down the glass of her window. The rain was pouring mercilessly down upon the lively city and she didn’t know whether it was the strong, earthy smell or the anticipation of the booming sound of thunders — but she loved it. 

Therese sipped at her drink as she recalled that brief encounter from before. It felt surreal, almost transcending reality for the lack of logical sense. She had no clue who that mysterious man was, and most importantly, who had hired him in the first place. His presence seemed to be a threat, and Therese was sure that the man had all the leverage he needed in the form of that big brown folder. He had access, details, names — and why the hell would a man approach her with all of this information, all of which would probably be considered _illegal_ , only to warn her vaguely?

As Therese pondered over if she should tell Carol about all of this, or if she should just keep quiet like he had advised — there was a sudden knock at the door, startling her out of her thoughts. It was late and she was definitely not in any mood for a visitor, so she decided that whomever was standing outside of her apartment could come back in the morning, at a decent hour. 

She poured herself another glass of cheap whiskey into her plastic cup and downed almost half of it in one single gulp; the burning sensation a welcoming one. A couple of seconds had passed before Therese heard another knock, still a tentative one, but much louder than the first.

Therese had assumed that whomever it was had given up and left, but upon hearing the urgency of whomever was outside, she worriedly got up from her seat and walked to the entryway, cup of whiskey still in hand. 

She opened just slightly,  the door  partially blocked by the chain that Therese kept securely locked— but when she cautiously peered out, familiar golden curls came into view. 

“Carol,” Therese exclaimed before shutting the door to unlock the chain and opening it again to finally reveal her whole figure.  

Carol was standing there, wearing an oversized worn-out tee on top of a simple pair of jeans and white converse. Therese had never seen her dressed like this, so casual and without her usual suit or pencil skirt that she liked to pair with her signature heels, her face now completely devoid of any trace of make-up. It was almost shocking seeing her like this, so  _ bare _ and vulnerable. And she was soaked; the drenched fabric of her t-shirt was sticking to her pale skin, the bottom of her jeans and her shoes darkened by the water of the pouring rain, all of which made Therese think that she must have walked for a while under the storm. 

“Carol, come here,” Therese said, grabbing her wrist to take her inside, all too eager to have her here, especially after everything that happened earlier that morning. But the sudden hiss of pain she heard when she touched her made Therese immediately retract her hand. “Oh god, I’m sorry!” Therese breathed, eyes wide, brows furrowed in concern.  

“It’s nothing,” Carol replied quickly, shaking her head and smiling softly at Therese. The only thing Carol was paying attention was the woman in front of her. The mild pain, her surroundings — all of it had ceased to exist. There was only _Therese_.  

“Where the hell have you been?” Therese demanded. “You weren’t in class this morning. I was worried sick.” The words came out louder and harsher than she had intended, but it was onlynow that Carol was finally standing in front of her that Therese realized the magnitude of her fear. 

“I’m… sorry, Therese. I left you a message… Did you get it?” Carol began apologetically, a little surprised at the sudden outburst.  

“Mes—” _Fuck_. Her phone. In the midst of everything that happened during the day, Therese had completely forgotten to check her cell. “No, no… I — Never mind, are you okay?” she asked hesitantly, softened now by the sight of Carol in front of her. 

A few seconds passed before Carol strode forward swiftly and held Therese’s head between her hands to pull her in for a kiss, swallowing the tension they could feel lingering in the air. Their mouths collided in passion, one of Carol’s hands sliding down to rest on Therese’s neck, her polished red nails scraping at the soft skin, eliciting a deep throaty moan from the brunette. 

They only broke their kiss when the need for oxygen became overwhelming and Carol rested her forehead against Therese’s, gently tracing the line of her jaw with her finger. 

“I’m more than okay, love.” 

Therese closed her eyes at the gentle words. Her heart leapt every time she called her that, and she felt better now that Carol was here. Her presence made her feel safe, and all of her previous thoughts were momentarily set aside to focus on the woman in front of her. 

Later. She would think about it later. Right now, Therese just needed to _be_ with her.

Therese laced her fingers through Carol’s wet hair. She could feel droplet s of water running down her arm and tickling her skin. 

“Why are you soaked?” She chuckled lightly. “Did you walk to get here?” Therese asked, trying gently to wring Carol’s hair out with her hands. 

“ Mmm … Not  really. I took a cab, but then it broke down in the middle of the street and there was just too much traffic, and I wanted to see you…” Carol stopped mid sentence to place a soft kiss on the tip of Therese’s nose. “So I walked.” She gave her a delicate smile, looking steadily into green eyes.

“Why?”  

“Because I couldn’t wait to do this,” Carol’s words were whispered as she closed the small distance between them, their lips once again touching in the sweetest of kisses. Her tongue darted out, seeking entrance, eagerly exploring the warmth of Therese’s mouth. The kiss was now deep and voracious, drinking each other in as if they could draw life from it, as if they were both each other’s sacred source of water in a dry desert. 

Therese felt light-headed. She had kissed Carol before but this time it was _different_. She felt Carol giving in, relinquishing all of her barriers, the walls that were built to contain herself now crashing down. Therese had thought she already knew what kissing Carol felt like, knew that she couldn’t get enough of it, but she had never experienced anything like _this _ before. In that moment, Therese knew she had been ruined for good. She wouldn’t want anything but Carol’s lips, anything but the feeling of her heart exploding within her when Carol kissed her like this. 

It was only when Therese felt Carol shiver suddenly in her arms did she come down from her ecstasy.

“Carol, you must be freezing,” Therese frowned. She took a step back to have a good look at her before taking her hand to guide Carol to the bathroom. “Come with me.”  

The room was quite large compared to the size of her tiny apartment. It was cozy and warm, with a clawfoot tub that Therese absolutely adored. It was actually one of the main reasons she had chosen this place over the others. 

Carol looked around, taking in her surroundings. Despite the few times she had been in Therese’s apartment, she had never seen her bathroom and just like the living area, it smelled like her. Her sweet and delicate scent permeating the air was stronger than ever, and Carol realized it was coming from the set of lit candles placed on a small table next to the tub.

“I’m just gonna bring you some fresh towels, and… I’ll make some tea while you’re here. You can start taking your clothes off — I mean, uh… I, um… never mind,” Therese babbled out of control, eyes widening at her own awkwardness before she quickly turned with the intent of leaving Carol alone in the bathroom.  

A firm but gentle grip of her hand stopped Therese in her tracks and her heart started to pound wildly against her chest. A shiver ran up her spine as Carol approached her, closing the distance and pressing her body against Therese’s back. The warmth radiating from her, despite the wet, cold clothes, was electrifying. Carol started to place open-mouthed kisses along the line of the younger girl’s neck, up until she reached her earlobe and took the soft flesh between her teeth. 

“Stay,” she whispered, and Therese wasn’t sure if it was the deep, rough quality of her voice or the meaning behind her words, but she had to cling to all of her energy to keep her legs from buckling — she didn’t even realize that her hand was tightly clutching Carol’s t-shirt from behind.  

Therese tilted her head back against Carol’s shoulder and their mouths met once again before the older woman turned Therese’s body around to face her. The tub was now filled with hot water and the steam invading the room was slowly blurring their reflections in the mirror in front of them. Time stopped, as well as Therese’s heart when Carol gripped the hem of her drenched t-shirt and, in one single motion, pulled the piece of clothing over her head. Her creamy torso was left on display, completely exposed except for her see-through maroon bra, her nipples covered only by the lacy flowers that adorned the otherwise completely sheer piece of garment. 

Therese’s gaze fell immediately to her perfectly shaped breasts. She couldn’t help it —  she was drawn to them, but a sudden rush of self-consciousness made her look away. Therese couldn’t yet shake off the feeling that the sight in front of her was still very much forbidden to her eyes. 

Carol sensed her hesitancy — because  _of course_ she did — and she held Therese’s gaze intensely as she reached around to unhook her bra, letting it slide down her arms. She then gently cupped Therese’s cheek while grabbing her hand to let it rest against her naked breast. 

“It’s okay,” Carol whispered, her chest rising and falling under the weight of the girl’s palm.  

Leaning into her touch, Therese could already feel the wetness soaking her panties, her heart feeling like it could explode at any moment. It was a powerful combination that she had never experienced before: unconditional love and unbearable arousal, all for the woman holding her hand against her own breast.

Carol pulled Therese’s body in, her palm now trapped between their chests. She licked at Therese’s lips, savoring her, before breaking the contact to slowly undo the zipper of her jeans, letting the garment slide down her legs along with her visibly soaked underwear, finally exposing herself completely. She stood there tall, without shame, exuding the powerful energy that had always attracted Therese. 

Green eyes travelled down the length of Carol’s body. She was an absolute dream, an ethereal and statuesque dream, and Therese felt like she could cry for being granted such privilege. Flashes of images swirled through her mind, from the very first moment Therese laid eyes on her, to the time she had found out about the woman behind the mask at the club. 

She thought about it all within the split of a second, about just how long she had been fantasizing about her, how long she had been  _craving _ her and longed for Carol’s naked body against her own. Therese thought about the many times her hand had danced underneath her panties until she dissolved into pure pleasure, right after class when the sight of her professor, that deep sound of her voice, and her authoritative demeanor would simply overwhelm her. 

And now here she was in front of Carol, stripped down and looking at Therese as if  _ she _ was the gift. In her grey-blue eyes Therese could see pure gratitude. Carol Aird was standing naked in her bathroom, but she was the one gazing at Therese with adoration.  

“Would you take a bath with me, Therese?”  

A small whimper escaped her mouth before Therese nodded vigorously.  _ What’s going on? Is the world finally collapsing?  _

Dizziness attacked her senses as Carol’s hands traveled down her body, halting her movements when she reached the hem of Therese’s shirt, looking one more time for her consent before finally taking it off. Her leggings and lingerie were soon added to the pile of discarded clothes at their feet.

Carol took her time worshipping Therese’s lines and curves with her eyes. Her gaze fell on her prominent collarbones, traveled down from her beautifully exposed breasts to her glistening center. She was stunning. Her breasts were small but well-defined, looking oh-so soft and Carol couldn’t wait to latch onto them. She could already imagine how good Therese’s petite figure would fit perfectly against her body, how those lean legs  would feel wrapped around her, the sensation of her nipples brushing against her skin. 

Therese’s arms crossed around her own chest, trying to hide her bare body in a self-conscious way and it made Carol’s heart constrict — this extraordinary girl had no idea how beautiful she was. 

Gently untangling her arms, Carol took Therese’s hand in hers. “Come here.”

Their fingers entwined together as Carol slowly entered the tub, taking Therese with her. They lowered themselves and finally sat down, surrounded by hot water and the porcelain surface. Carol leaned back, resting her body against the side of the bathtub and spreading her legs wider so that Therese could settle between them. 

Carol looked at Therese expectantly before breaking the silence once again, her voice raspy from arousal and the intensity of her emotions. “Lie with me.”

Therese complied and slowly relaxed into the blonde’s naked body, resting against her chest, and was now very much aware of how her lower back was pressed against Carol’s most intimate area. The older woman gently brushed Therese’s long brown hair to one side and kissed the soft skin between Therese’s shoulder and neck before circling her arms around her, holding Therese close in a tight embrace. 

Tilting her head back, Therese cupped Carol’s cheek tenderly and kissed her neck, right under her jaw line, to which Carol responded by hugging the girl even tighter. If Therese was sure about anything, it was that she could die right there and then, Carol’s arms. And even if this were to be the furthest they ever went, she would still be the happiest. 

Carol’s mind was racing. She was holding _Therese _ and the contact with her skin might have been the best sensation she had ever felt. She hadn’t planned any of this. Carol had come to her apartment because the need to see her was simply overwhelming, because she was terrified — but she was also utterly, blissfully happy with her newly found freedom. It had all unfolded so naturally. 

She knew another line had been crossed. Therese’s was crumbling brick by brick the wall Carol had erected to protect herself. But she found that she didn’t care anymore, not now that she had accepted her feelings, not now that she had chosen to live her life to the fullest. Carol figured that she might as well tear that wall down completely. 

But was she still terrified to confess what she felt for Therese. Carol feared the loss, the repercussions that their relationship could have on the young girl, and what it would be like for herself if, after finally admitting it all to Therese, something were to go wrong.

The words had been dangling by the tip of Carol’s tongue ever since she entered the apartment and she had been trying her best to refrain from saying them out loud — but in the end, all it took was Therese turning her body so that they were lying chest to chest and nuzzling her neck to make the words spill out, unable to contain them anymore.

“I love you.” Carol whispered her feelings against her temple, as if she was whispering the most precious of truths. 

Both of their hearts were now beating erratically, in sync against their chests while they lay there completely still. The lack of response from Therese was starting to feel unsettling, but Carol didn’t have the time to process any of it before the girl began to clutch her tighter and tighter, pressing herself so close, so much so that it felt like they ceased to be two separate bodies. Carol wrapped her arms around her and closed her eyes to take in the sensation, while Therese’s hand fisted her damp, blonde hair. 

“I love you too, Carol.” Her response sounded like a liberation, words spoken with such pure _relief_ that it made Carol wonder just how long Therese had been holding them back.   

They stayed like that for minutes, maybe hours, they really couldn’t tell, nestled in each other’s arms, relishing this new connection. The room was mostly dark, lit only by the sweet-scented candles next to them and the milky glow of the moon streaming through the window that traced the lines of their naked bodies. 

When the water started to feel cold, Carol stirred the young girl in her arms and moved to sit up straight in the tub. Still facing each other, she found one of Therese’s shampoos and squirted some of it in her hand before delicately massaging it into Therese’s hair, eliciting soft, sweet moans from the girl. It smelled like cherries, a scent that had come to be uniquely hers. Carol applied the shampoo on her own hair too, and once she was done she washed it all away with the running hot water.

They stood up under the stream, letting the water cascade over them until all of a sudden the temperature dropped. Carol instinctively leaned forward trapping Therese between her body and the wall behind her so that she was shielding her from the gelid shower. Her taut nipples made contact with Therese’s skin, brushing against her chest, causing a new wave of juices to drip down Therese’s legs. The tickling sensation making it hard to keep her breathing leveled.

Therese bent her right leg and rested her foot on top of the bathtub edge, opening herself more to Carol’s eyes. In a rush of adrenaline and boldness, she grabbed the woman’s hand in her own and slowly guided her to her slit, never breaking eye contact. Carol moaned at the sensation, at the feeling of her slick velvety folds — something she had been dreaming of every night, long before they even dove into their relationship.  She was on fire and every last one of her inhibitions had dissipated completely. Carol wanted her, she wanted her hands, her mouth, her tongue; she wanted all of it. 

She wanted to make Therese her own. She wanted to belong to Therese.

“Carol… Take me to bed,” Therese whispered, and Carol immediately obliged, turning off the running water and stepping out of the tub.  

Carol wrapped herself and Therese around two small fluffy towels, and found another one to dry their hair. All the while they couldn’t stop kissing, and sucking, and nibbling. Their hands wondered everywhere but always stayed away from where they needed them the most.

Their towels pooled at their feet, leaving them once again naked in front of each other. Therese’s perky breasts were like a powerful magnet that Carol wasn’t able to resist anymore. Her mouth latched on them, kissing the soft area and sucking like her life depended on it, evoking the deepest of moans that she had ever heard coming from the young woman. 

Therese’s hand was tightly gripping her blonde hair, as if she was her only anchor in a storm of powerful emotions. Carol tugged at her already hardened nipple with her teeth and pinched the other with her fingers. 

“God, Carol…”  

Therese’s groan reverberated throughout her ribcage and the way she breathed out her name was enough to make Carol’s walls clench spasmodically. She had never felt so empty in her entire life and the need to be filled became painfully unbearable.  

Carol started to walk backwards out of the bathroom, their legs almost tangled together, arms entwined and nails raking across their skin, never breaking their voracious kiss. One of their feet got caught against the rug that separated the small hallway that led to the living area, and they consequently stumbled backward. Carol hit the coffee table, losing her balance and plopping down on the couch behind her, taking Therese with her so that she was straddling her lap.

The position of Therese’s body was a parallel of their very first kiss, only this time they were completely naked. The young girl was open and exposed and Carol could admire the way her  glistening folds parted slightly, now met with the evidence of Therese’s arousal. Carol moaned lightly, the mere sight of her swollen clit and wet slit, her  _ scent _ , was such an intense aphrodisiac. 

“You’re dripping, Therese,” she said in her low, husky voice as her thumb gently stroked her bundle of nerves, eliciting a desperate whimper from the girl. 

“Carol!”  

The desperation in her voice was such a turn-on for Carol that she had to refrain from taking Therese right then and there. She wanted their first time to be gentle; Carol wished to pour her love for her into this moment, make her _feel _ just how much Therese meant to her. Because she did mean the world, and Carol had prayed there were enough words to express this — but there simply weren’t, so she needed to show her instead. 

Carol got up from the couch, holding Therese who was now wrapped around her body — so sweet and erotic at the same time  — and Therese marveled at how strong Carol could be without losing any of her grace.

They moved to Therese’s room, a place so foreign to Carol’s eyes, yet the young woman’s essence filled the area. She then gently sat down against the edge of the soft mattress and held Therese’s head against her chest for a moment, between her breasts, right over her beating heart. 

Finally, Therese laid down and soon Carol followed, positioning herself on top of her. They looked in each other’s eyes, sharing a mutual understanding, the knowledge that everything was about to change, that their connection would be stronger than ever. 

Their mouths connected briefly before Carol started descending, leaving open-mouthed kisses down the length of her body. Carol’s hands were full of Therese’s breasts while she sucked on her nipples, worshipping the younger woman’s flesh. Her hand traveled down to meet her slick wetness, dipping one of her fingers between her folds. She started to stroke up and down, painfully slow, as if Carol was exploring the area and committing the sensory feeling to her memory, the touch too light for Therese to get any friction. 

Therese was writhing, squirming under the weight of Carol’s body, trying to suppress every one of her needy whimpers. The feelings were overwhelming; the intense pleasure and the intimacy she was sharing with the woman she loved was everything she had ever dreamed of. She looked up in her blue eyes and all Therese could see was pure love. 

To think that, not long ago, Therese was only able to watch Carol from a distance, from her far-away corner seat during her lectures — and now here she was, dying to have an orgasm from her professor’s fingers buried in her pussy. 

The need for her escalated and Carol must have sensed it because he mouth began to travel down, nearing where she needed her the most. Carol hovered over her entrance, taking in the heady scent of her lover. Her mouth watered at the prospect of tasting the girl again, but before Carol made contact with her, she locked eyes with Therese, something she scarcely did because it was a way of sharing her deepest feelings. 

She then spread Therese’s legs wider, the side of her thighs resting on the mattress — so open and  _ready _ for her. She finally parted her lips and delved her tongue against Therese’s wetness, causing her hips to involuntarily thrust forward and a throaty moan to escape the girl’s throat.

It was like she was kissing her, Carol’s tongue working its magic as she took Therese’s essence in. She felt close to her like she had never been before, being able to drink her in, the girl’s arousal coating her tongue — she felt privileged. 

Carol lapped at her wetness, tongue swirling around her clit as she dug her fingers into the skin of Therese’s hips, holding her still and close to her while the younger woman kept arching her back, unable to contain herself anymore. The hand in Carol’s hair tightened its grip and she found that the more Therese pulled and pushed and gripped, the more she teetered on the edge of her own orgasm. 

They were both so close. The long wait, the unbearable promise of something _more_ that had been keeping them apart for months, the anticipation, the love, they were all coming together to bring them to their climax. 

There were no sounds coming from Therese now, her mouth was blissfully agape, brows furrowed in pleasure and Carol knew it would take nothing to shatter her completely. She slid up, now face  to face with Therese and sunk two fingers inside her clenching pussy, knowing she was more than ready to take them; her rhythm irregular, too lost in her own approaching orgasm as she now rode Therese’s thigh. 

“Look at me,” Carol’s voice was thick and hoarse as her thumb pressed down on Therese’s clit, their eyes locked before the waves of pleasure took over them, their vision fading to black and Carol’s body slumped on Therese’s. 

A beautiful silence stretched between them as they listened to the sound of each other breathing. Their limbs intertwined together, so close – filled by the feeling that they could never let each other go. Carol gently brushed a strand of brown hair away from Therese’s face, her hand trembling as if she was afraid the girl in front of her would disappear with the stroke of a hand. Their lips found each other once again before she whispered. “My angel, _flung out of space.”_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well? What do you think?:)  
> I''d love to hear your thoughts.


	9. Dolcemente

The dim, early light of the dawn streamed through the partially closed blinds casting the room in a beautiful shade of deep blues and gentle violets. Carol breathed in the dewy air of the early morning that came from the slightly open window and reveled in the heat radiating from the woman nestled in her arms. She hadn’t felt it in so long, the warm feeling of waking up with a body wrapped around her. Therese’s skin was so soft, a stark contrast to the roughness of Harge’s calloused hands and bristly chest.

Therese had her arm and leg draped over Carol’s body and her head comfortably resting on top of her, right under her chin. She stroked her long brown hair as she leaned forward and drew in a long breath, inhaling the sweet cherry scent of her shampoo, mixed with something that it was just so uniquely hers. She smelled like _home_.

Therese started to stir in her sleep and soon enough Carol was met with her wide open green eyes.

“I’m sorry, did I wake you up?” Carol whispered when Therese propped her chin on top of her chest and stared directly at her. She simply shook her head and let a comfortable silence stretch between them. Carol was gently stroking Therese’s cheek with her left hand, the touch was smooth and soft, but lacking the usual feeling of cold metal. She realized that Carol wasn’t wearing her rings. Suddenly, it dawned upon her that last night’s events had been out of the ordinary. Carol had never dropped by her apartment so late and she had definitely never stayed the night.

Therese frowned and took the older woman’s hand in hers, inspecting her fingers and making sure she hadn’t just hallucinated. “Carol… what happened?”

Carol smiled staring at the ceiling, her heart thumping hard against her chest – she couldn’t wait to tell her. She turned her head and faced Therese while she threaded a hand through her dark brown hair. “I’m divorcing Harge.”

“What? Why?” Therese asked, rising just slightly to look at Carol, her weight now propped on her bent arm on top of the mattress.

“Why? Because I love you Therese.” Carol started explaining softly. “Because I don’t want to live in confinements for the rest of my life…because I’m sick of pretending this is not who I am…that’s why.”

Carol observed as a swirl of emotions crossed Therese’s face, as her green eyes sparkled with love and pride, and the millions of things she knew the young woman wanted to ask. Therese placed a soft kiss on Carol’s hand. She knew she was selfish for feeling ecstatic – there was nothing good in a divorce – but after all that’s what she was, selfishly in love with her.

“I love you,” Therese repeated, then a pensive frown appeared on her face and she bit down her lower lip, the way she always did when her wheels were spinning. Carol knew that very well.

“What’s wrong?” She asked, her voice still raspy from her sleep.

“I want to ask you things… but I’m not sure if you want that.”

Carol brushed the pad of her thumb ever so slightly over Therese’s abused lip. “Ask me things.”

Therese turned her face away hiding the faint blush spreading to her cheeks. “Have you always…” She trailed off, not really knowing how to continue, unsure if they were already comfortable with each other enough to ask unfiltered questions.

“Liked women?” Carol filled in, chuckling lightly.

The younger woman let out a breath in relief. That’s what she loved about Carol, she could read her like an open book. “Yeah.”

Carol sighed, knowing that Therese would have eventually asked sooner or later. She had never really discussed this subject with anyone, because it meant revealing  some of her most difficult struggles. There had been hints of it throughout the years she’d know Abby. Her friend, always so curious, would try to probe into her past, try to decode her, make sense of Carol’s choices in life. She was able to draw some fragments of information out of her, but this was the very first time Carol was willing to openly talk about it.

“Yes,” She answered sincerely. “But I…I’ve been brought up in a certain way… traditionally and conservative – my parents… they introduced me to Harge. They introduced me to all the men in my life for that matter. They always made sure I stayed on the _right path_. At least that’s what they would say.”

 “So, they knew – “ Therese hesitated once again.

 “They did.” Carol smiled faintly. “I started dating him, he seemed nice enough, cultivated and well-educated. He asked me to marry him and I accepted… then Rindy came, and… I – I found myself wondering how time had passed so quickly,” she said absently, staring behind Therese’s shoulder.  “Call me a coward for not having the strength to leave sooner.”

Therese looked at her steadily, taking in Carol’s unexpected vulnerability. She felt a pang in her chest as she saw the fleeting shadows of sadness tainting her blue eyes, as she imagined how Carol’s life must have been, realizing there was still so much she didn’t know about her.

“I don’t think you’re a coward Carol. I think… sometimes things just don’t work in your favor, and that’s okay. You found your way here and that’s what matters.”

“You’re right. I’m just happy to be with you.”

Therese leaned forward and kissed Carol on her lips, gently but passionate, just like their love making the other night. She lied once again on top of Carol, her head resting on her chest and legs tangled together. They fell in silence, taking in the moment and enjoying the body heat they were sharing.

Therese spoke after a while. “Carol?”

“Mmm,” she hummed in response.

“It’s been a while since you came to the club…” Therese noted as she absently started to brush Carol’s breast with her fingers, tracing small circles around her nipples.

Carol took in a sharp breath at the unexpected attention Therese was giving her, a tingling sensation pooling in her lower abdomen. “I guess I didn’t really feel the need to anymore.”

Therese’s movements came to a halt as she raised her head to look at the older woman.“What do you mean?”

“I – the club…It’s always been my _escape,_ a place where I could just – _be_ … you know, even if only for a couple of hours. I guess I just don’t need that anymore,” Carol explained as she let her finger caress the spot between Therese’s brows. “There’s nothing left I want to escape from.”

The younger woman smiled broadly at her. “Would you stop by though? Tonight. I miss having you there.” She asked as she slid into a sitting position.

“Oh, I miss seeing you dressed in that outfit… _bunny_ ,” Carol grinned and tapped Therese’s hip motioning her to straddle her lap. She caught her breathing quicken and they way Therese was unconsciously gripping at her made a low, throaty chuckle escape Carol’s mouth.

“You really like that, uh?” Her hands were gently resting on Therese’s hips, thumbs meeting her groin. They started slowly traveling up along her naked chest, until she felt the weight of her breasts under her palms. “When I call you bunny…” She emphasized her last words with a gentle but firm squeeze. Head falling back in pleasure, Therese let out a deep, desperate moan.

Carol sat up facing Therese, their bodies meeting each other. Therese was settled between Carol’s parted legs and her own were now wrapped behind the blonde’s back. Carol scraped her teeth along Therese’s exposed neck, then kissed the faint marks away, soothing her skin with her lips and tongue.

“The things I’d do to you,” Carol whispered huskily in her ear. She _loved_ teasing her.

Therese whimpered shamelessly. Her hips starting to rotate against Carol’s center to get some friction. She marveled at how fast she could turn so desperate. “You can… do things… to me, I-“

“Not now, love…” She hushed her faltering speech with a kiss. “Soon,” she added before she leaned forward and sucked at her pulse point, eliciting another needy sound from Therese.

“I gotta go.”

“Wha-? Now?”

“In approximately…” She reached her arm and picked up her phone that was placed on the bedside table. Pressing on the home button, the small device came to life revealing the time. “Twenty minutes. I need to drop Rindy at school and I want to be home before she wakes up.”

Carol extricated herself out of the tangle of limbs before she slipped out of bed with the grace of a ballet dancer, still stunningly naked, and walked to the bathroom to retrieve the clothes that were still scattered all over the floor.

 “Okay, yeah of course. I guess I’ll see you before class as usual then,” Therese uttered, still short-breathed and shaky with lust.

Having returned in Therese’s bedroom she started putting her clothes on, but not before she caught a glimpse of the young girl not so subtly staring at her bare body. “I’m afraid I can’t make it today, darling. I have an early meeting on campus this morning.” She briefly looked at her over her shoulder making sure the brunette noticed the intentional forgoing of her underwear as she slipped into her jeans and t-shirt.

 “Oh..” Therese breathed, and despite the effort to sound unaffected, she wasn’t sure if the tremulous quality to her voice and the lack of air we came with her disappointment or the sight in front of her.

“But I’ll see you in class. Now, you go back to sleep angel, it’s still early.” Carol said as she leaned in hooking her fingers under Therese’s chin and placed a soft kiss on her forehead.

“Nah… there’s no way I can,” she replied with her eyes closed, taking in the sensation of Carol’s soft lips on her.

“Carol?” Therese asked abruptly.

“Yes?”

“Will you at least have a coffee with me, before you go?”

Carol smiled broadly, the warm glow of her happiness making Therese’s heart flutter in her chest. “I would love to.”

 

***

 

“So, how did the girl react?” He addressed the man sitting across from him on the other side of a big mahogany desk.

“She seemed shaken up enough,” The other man replied leaning back in his chair.

“What was she thinking? Chasing after some _girl_ … “ He spit the last word with venom, as if it had left a bad taste in his mouth. “Pathetic.”

“You mean – ”

“Carol, yes.” He raised his glass of bourbon and took a sip of the strong whiskey. “She’s always been like _this_ … I thought she stopped, after Rindy, but I guess old habits die hard, don’t they?”

The man in front of him didn’t reply this time, instead he took a sip of his own drink and let the silence fill the room.

The client got up from his seat and grabbed his coat before heading to the door. “Well, thank you for your time Tony. Please, keep me posted. I want to know everything. Who she talks to, where she goes. I want to be aware of every movement, whenever she takes a walk, leaves the house… I don’t care if it’s just for grocery shopping, I want to know. ”         

“Yes, sir.”

 

***

 

The soft music filled the air of the club as Therese was busy wiping away the sticky remnants of spilled alcohol across the surface of the counter. She loved listening to the beat, her movements would fall into the same rhythm of the songs they played, an habit that would help take her mind off the tasks at hands.

It was proving to be a long night, less chaotic than usual except for a small incident that took place earlier at the bar. One of the patrons being overly drunk had tried to grab the girl who works alongside Therese behind the counter, consequently knocking over some of the bottles and spilling the content all over the place. He’d been politely – too politely for Therese’s likings – escorted out of the club and, she figured, deprived of his annual membership.

Apart from that, the night was about as exciting as watching paint dry. She had asked Carol to stop by earlier that morning, but seeing she’d never responded and that it was already nearing 1 AM, she believed she just wasn’t coming.

“Dirty Martini with a twist of lemon, please,” Therese’s lips stretched into a broad smile as she heard the words uttered in that familiar low, smoky voice from behind. God, that woman, she was always able to surprise her.

“Hi,” Therese said as she turned around to face her, taking in the sight of Carol in her usual mask.

Carol winked at her with an equal grin plastered on her face.“Hi.”

They stared at each other, the vibrant energy between them was almost tangible. Therese was utterly transfixed studying the way she was dressed today. It amazed her the strong, instantaneous reaction her body would always have at seeing Carol here, dressed so sinfully. She was wearing a black, tight dress that fell just above her knee and enveloped her body like a second skin. The deep cut in the sweetheart neckline accentuated her soft, creamy breasts perfectly; they looked rounder and fuller in that tight confinement, and Therese wondered how would it feel like to put her face between them.

“Well… Miss? How long are you going to make a woman wait for her drink?” Carol prompted when she realized Therese was completely lost in the sight of her, admiring her dress and voluptuous cleavage. Not that she minded, she had dressed with the young girl in mind after all.

“Oh, sorry,” Therese snapped out of her awkward reverie, becoming only now aware of her gaping mouth.

Alluringly, Carol tapped her fingers against the counter feigning impatience. Her back straight and chest out, beautifully confident as always, very much aware of the effect she had on Therese, or any other human being in this room for that matter. She leaned forward looking the young woman up and down, and as she did so her breasts were pressed even closer together, making Therese’s mouth water with ever-growing lust. “You wouldn’t want me to complain with your manager, would you?” Carol said, her voice lower having dropped an octave.

Therese gulped visibly, but managed to let out a few coherent words, desperately clinging to self-control. “As if… you’d never do it,” she dared to say as she picked the yellow citrus fruit and started peeling, letting the decorative twist of lemon fall gently into the cocktail glass.

Amused by Therese’s attempt at teasing, she lowered her chin trying to hide the mischievous smile appearing on her lips. “I happen to be a costumer in a _very_ high-class club, I expect the service to be… impeccable.”

“Am I not impeccable?” Therese asked with faux innocence.

“Oh, you’re perfect bunny. Just… look at you,” Carol let her gaze wonder down the length of Therese’s body, her eyes burning with hunger and desire. She took in the sight of her body wrapped in black leather and noticed the new addition to her work attire, a pair of mid-thigh velvet boots. She imagined her fingers tantalizingly unlacing the strings of her corset, unwrapping her slowly but eagerly, just like a present. “God, how I missed you.” She groaned and shifted position in her seat, becoming unbearably aware of the wetness gathering in her panties. 

“Excuse me, Miss. Can I have a sloe gin and lemon tonic, please?” The voice of a man cut in on their dangerous banter.

Therese directed her attention at the patron who was patiently sitting on the stool next to Carol. “On the way,” she uttered almost stiffly, trying not to sound too annoyed by his sudden and unwelcome interruption. “Sorry…I’ll be back in a minute,” she addressed Carol in a soft, gentle voice. She wondered if the man had noticed the change in her demeanor. 

She quickly busied herself with the order, collected the ingredients she needed for the drink and started to skillfully mix them all to create the perfect gin tonic.

“Thank you,” he said when she served the man his drink. “You’re really beautiful, you know...” Therese simply nodded in acknowledgment, the tone in his voice had drastically changed, low and teasing, a poor attempt at being seductive. It had a strange quality to it that made her feel deeply unease. Carol’s eyes flicked from him to Therese and back again, her lips were pressed in a tight line and a hot, burning sensation was spreading in her chest settling in the pit of her stomach.

“We should go outside…or I can buy you a drink. Don’t you _lovely_ girls get to enjoy yourselves too?” He said as he placed his hand over Therese’s. She withdrew quickly and replied politely. “I don’t think that would be possible.”

Carol was raging. It wasn’t even jealousy – he was nothing more than a sneaky, middle-aged man with greasy hair and an awful taste in printed ties – but the way his eyes traveled up and down Therese’s body like a wolf would eye its prey, it disgusted Carol.

“Oh, you must be new in this…” Carol turned her body to face him and gestured at her surroundings. “Environment…you see, although you can strike up a conversation with a member of the staff, at their discretion may I add, it is not allowed to engage in any other activity, and certainly touching… is _strictly_ forbidden.” Her eyes bore into him as she enunciated the last two words.

She was burning, and utterly frustrated by the fact that this was the furthest she could go defending Therese without drawing attention. She knew she was a big girl who had probably already had the misfortune to encounter dozens of men like him, but she was also aware that being an employee of this club the only thing Therese could do was plaster a fake smile on her face and pretend that this never happened – as long as he didn’t get too handsy, he was still considered a paying costumer.

Therese on the other hand was enraptured by Carol’s unexpected protectiveness. Her cheeks were burning with love and she felt a familiar warmth settling between her legs at the feral look in Carol’s eyes. She didn’t even notice the man getting up from his seat and making his exit.

Therese returned her attention back to the woman in front of her. “So…”

“So,” Carol repeated, hiding her grin behind the glass of her Martini.

Therese’s mind was racing, flooded with images of their love making the other night, their morning after together, Carol’s words, and before she knew it she was talking again, “Um… you were saying…” her hands slid down as she rubbed her sweaty palms on the exposed skin of her thighs.

“I wasn’t saying anything…” Carol said confused but entertained by Therese’s adorable nervousness.

“Earlier, this morning… you said – “

“The things I’d do to you.” Carol finished her sentence, now utterly pleased with the turn their conversation was taking. She brushed a strand of hair away from her face, letting her head fall back slightly, and smiled in an oh-so mischievous way as she locked eyes with Therese.

Therese’s answer was short, her heart pounding erratically against her chest.“Yes.” She drew in a long, almost shuddering breath, then she continued. “Will you… uhm, I was wondering, would you…I don’t know –”

“You want to know what I’d do?” Carol asked, leaning closer to the brunette and dropping her voice to a deep, husky tone. “You want me to paint you a scene, right now and right _here?_ You want to know if I’d tie you up? spank you, perhaps?” She shrugged nonchalantly . “It’s my style for sure, definitely something I would _love_ to do, if you’d let me.”

“I would,” Therese answer was breathy and whimpery.

Resting her elbow on top of the counter, Carol’s hand slowly traveled up from her chest to her neck in an impossibly seductive way. “I would bring you high Therese, without even touching you. You’d feel your body vibrate from my breath on your skin, knowing my eyes are fixed on you, _watching_ you.”

The sight of her, the sound of her voice, were utterly intoxicating. Therese felt light headed and aching with arousal. “I’d see how far you can go without cumming… how long you can last, restrained and ready for me. You would feel like floating, you’d know how good it is to give yourself willingly, completely, and I would _take_ it. I would do anything to make you feel good. There’s more than just sex my dear, and I could give you so much pleasure.”

“Fuck,” a moan escaped Therese’s mouth as she gripped the edge of the counter, her knuckles almost turning white.

“How long have you been thinking about this?”

“Jesus, since before I even knew your name,” Therese breathed, vibrating with the shame of such revelation, but relishing the effect it was having on her.

“You dirty mind, you mean you’ve been fantasizing about your professor?”

 _God, that sounded so sinful._ “Yes.”

Carol ‘s hand slid down briefly, and just for a split of a second she let it rest against her own breast. “Did you touch yourself thinking about me?”

“No, I-I…” Therese’s neck flushed red, the heat spreading through her entire body.

“Of course you did,” Carol stated matter-of-factly before she took a sip of the strong alcoholic drink. “I did too,” she added, intently locking eyes with Therese.

“Carol!”

“Careful,” She admonished. “How long before your shift ends?”

Therese whined in frustration. “An hour.”

“Good,” Carol said as she gulped the last of her Martini.

 

***

 

It was fast, and oh-so rough, but she loved it. They had just turned the corner when Carol had pushed her body against the brick wall of the club’s building.  She had made sure there was no one around before she let her hand slip underneath the drenched fabric of Therese’s panties, giving the young woman the pleasure she was desperately looking for.

She found her hot and ready as she dipped her fingers between her swollen folds, and beautifully sensitive as she brushed against her clit and caused Therese to abruptly arch her back. As her groans and moans became increasingly loud, Carol covered Therese’s mouth with her hand. “Be quiet,” she whispered in her ear, the deep vibrations of her command sending shivers down Therese’s spine. She was breathless, as if the air had been completely knocked out of her, but her lungs were full – so full of oxygen that it made her chest burn. Although Therese was sure she was hopelessly losing control over her own body, she found she didn’t care; right here, right now, lost in pleasure and in Carol’s arms she’d never felt safer.

Carol heard a muffled _oh god_ behind her hand as she plunged a finger inside of her. She was _beautiful_. The most beautiful sight Carol had ever laid eyes on – so innocent yet so erotic – as Therese squirmed underneath her hands, head tilted back in pleasure catching the glow of the red fluorescent lights.

She picked up speed, quickly bringing the girl to the edge. With each erratic thrust she felt the walls around her clenching spasmodically and she knew she was finally reaching her climax. She added another finger and curled, at the same time she pressed against her clit sending  Therese over the edge. Her body went rigid for a moment, then began to shudder as she bit down Carol’s hand covering her mouth, trying to suppress her cry of pleasure. It was long and intense, the ecstasy overtaking her body making her lose strength and collapse in Carol’s arms.

Carol withdrew her hand and swiftly, almost methodically, she sucked her essence off her fingers, her attention being completely focused on keeping Therese from falling.

Carol brushed her hair away from her face and placed a gentle kiss on her temple. “Come on baby, I’ll take you home,” and when she was sure the young woman could stand on her two feet, she took her hand and started walking to her car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look who's back...bunny!
> 
> I'm craving all of your feedbacks! Your comments are keeping me inspired as always, thank you:)
> 
> Gigantic thank you to catebelivet for helping me with the last two chapters!! <3


	10. Click

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I keep telling myself: This time I'm going to stop at 2k words.  
> *3k words later* _Fuck it._
> 
> There's a lot going on in this chapter. It starts right after the previous one.  
> I hope you enjoy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the amount of comments in the last chapter, all that love and thoughts...you're spoiling me.

“Carol,” Therese tugged at the older woman’s hand when they reached the car parked not too far away from the entrance of the club. Her mind was now instantly sharper. The haziness caused by her recent mind-blowing orgasm had been cleared by the freshness of the night air and their short walk to the car, the fatigue from her tiring shift had been momentarily swept away by the dopamine rush in her brain; all she was left with was the burning sensation of their fingers now laced together.

She didn’t want the night to be over.

Carol turned around to face Therese, leaning back against her car. She took a moment to appreciate the young woman in front of her. She looked more beautiful than ever, if that was even possible. Under the milky glow of the starry sky and with that drunken look on her face, tousled hair and swollen lips – she looked utterly disheveled by pleasure.

“Yes?” Carol asked running her finger through Therese’s dark hair.

Therese leaned into her touch and smiled softly. “Can we stay a few more minutes? To smoke a cigarette, would you mind?” She would do anything just to be in her presence for a little while longer.

“Of course,” Carol started rummaging in her purse for her package but a gentle hand on her arm made her stop and look up at the young woman.

“Let me,” Therese whispered as she took two cigarettes out of her own package, handing one to Carol and flicking her thumb down to spark a flame and light them up. She leaned against the car next to Carol and watched as the older woman pursed her scarlet lips and blew the smoke out of her lungs –  eyes closed, her head slightly tilted back. In that tight dress and blood red stilettos she looked downright divine. Therese realized that despite the intimacy they were now sharing, sometimes Carol’s presence was still able to intimidate her.

 “Have I ever mentioned I _love_ your car?” Therese said breaking their comfortable silence as she turned slightly around to run her hand down the hood of the vehicle.

“You got an eye for wheels?”

“Well, I wouldn’t consider myself an expert, but I know a good car when I see it.”

Carol took a last drag of smoke before she extinguished the cigarette with the tip of her heel.“It’s kind of an itch I had to scratch…I bought it as a gift for my birthday,” she bit her lower lip grinning slightly as she took the keys out of her bag and walked around the car sliding into the driver seat.

Therese eyes widened exaggeratedly as she followed suit and took her place next to Carol. “You bought yourself a _Mercedes_?”

The older woman shrugged casually but the half smile that briefly appeared on her face made Therese’s brows furrow in confusion.

There were three versions of Carol that Therese had come to know: the icy, unapproachable and closed- off one; the loving , caring and _sexy_ version; the impossibly sad one, and although this was the version of her that she rarely showed, it was also the most intense. She wondered what prompt her to buy herself a gift for her own birthday and then look so unhappy about it. Therese ached to know every aspect of her, she wanted to know what could possibly cause this extraordinary woman such pain. She wanted to crawl her way to the opposite side of those walls she had thought had already been demolished, but the more she got to know Carol, the less she understood her.

Carol started the engine and a roaring sound filled the small confinements of the car. They were passing some familiar places, like the Anglican church that Therese would always take a moment to observe on her way to the metro station, appreciating its characteristic architecture; or the old bookshop around the corner, where sometimes she would come back in the morning to buy one of the books she’d seen displayed behind the windows – all those places she would usually walk by on her way home after her night shifts at the club.

“You okay?” The smooth, rich sound of her voice reached her ears and turned into a warming sensation spreading through her body. Even when lost in her thoughts, Carol’s voice was able to stir her subconscious.

“Mm?” She barely acknowledged the older woman, too deep in her own mind to give a proper response.

“I can hear you thinking,” as they stopped at a red light, Therese could feel Carol’s gaze fixed on her, waiting for an answer. She could feel she desperately wanted to talk and have a glimpse of her thoughts. As if Carol knew that the younger woman had sensed the vulnerability in her voice, the melancholy in her small confession about her self-purchased birthday present, a confession that was meant to be meaningless but held so much more instead. She cursed herself for not being able to keep the _mask_ on.

How ironic, she had spent most of her life behind a well-constructed façade and now it was the girl with the bunny mask ripping that away.  

“Sorry, I’m just…tired,” Therese leaned her head against the window, the green light fell through the thick glass cascading over her face and creating a nice combination of colors with the brilliant neon lights of the shops and pubs down the street.

Carol placed her hand on Therese’s thigh, squeezing lightly in reassurance. “We’re almost there.” The weight of her palm on her felt electrifying. She could feel the heat seeping through the thin material of her leggings, melting her skin in an all too pleasant way. Therese’s eyes fell on her hand;  she was mesmerized by Carol’s thumb delicately stroking her, the touch so soft and loving that it made her breathing hitch and her heart swell within her chest. Carol’s touch.

Therese’s brows furrowed again, her gaze slowly traveled up the line of her arm and reached her face. The woman’s eyes were firmly fixed on the road but those lines around her eyes, deeper than usual, told Therese a whole different story. She placed her hand over Carol’s and reciprocated her gesture, feeling an unexpected pang in her chest.

 _Carol’s_ touch.

How many times had Carol touched her? Her fingers had caressed her face and brushed her most intimate parts – strokes both gentle and erotic; she had told a tale of her love for Therese through her hands, the same that she would later use to bring her to pleasure, but she realized only now that she had never touched Carol in return – not _really_ touched her.

She had let the older woman take care of her, and selfishly so she had only ever accepted. And maybe it was her fault for being too stupidly lost in what Carol could give her to notice, but Carol never let her touch her, and as much as Therese craved her hands on her skin, she also craved the woman’s body under her own hands.

Carol pulled up on the side of the street when they reached Therese’s apartment. She got out of the car and opened the door for Therese waiting for her to climb out.

 “I’ll wait for you to go inside,” Carol said as she followed Therese up the stairs that lead to her front door.

Therese smiled softly, then she turned around and placed a kiss on her lips. Her hand entwined with blonde hair started traveling down, along her neck – soft and tantalizing – just like Carol always did with her. It reached her collarbones and she traced the sharp lines down her chest until she finally got where she wanted the most. She rested her palm there, squeezed softly, and reveled in the feeling of her breast under her hand, only for a few short seconds, before Carol gently moved her touch away.

“Carol-“

 She was silenced by the woman’s mouth. Carol leaned a little forward, her nose buried in Therese’s hair as she whispered in her ear. “Come over for dinner, tomorrow night.”

“You mean…your place?

“Yes. Would you spend some time with me, Therese?”

“I- of course,” she chuckled lightly, almost incredulous at the woman’s sudden change in demeanor. “You make it sound like we never see each other.”

“I want tomorrow to be _special_ ,” she said, gently brushing Therese’s cheek with her fingers. “I’ll pick you up at 6 PM.”

Therese nodded enthusiastically – already overjoyed at the prospect of dinner with Carol – before she walked into her apartment and let her mind wonder.  

In the solitude of her bedroom Therese’s thoughts navigated back to Carol again. She felt terrified at the prospect of finally being in her _home_. The images of her in the comfort of her house, dressed casually and at ease with the familiarity of her own environment; this side of Carol was something she really looked forward to meet, another small piece she could add to the mosaic of information. Sleep didn’t come until the dawn, she finally fell asleep when her room was already cast in golden light.

The evening came pretty fast despite the lack of distractions. Therese had spent the entire day in bed racking her brains trying to puzzle together the pieces of information she had about Carol. It felt like she already knew her soul by heart, and perhaps that’s exactly why she _knew_ that there were things about Carol’s life that were simply still a mystery to her, but she vowed she would spend as long as it would take to peel off the layers of her armor. As the calmness of her solitary day took over her – finally allowing Therese the time to think – she remembered that day, before Carol had showed up on her doorstep dripping wet and had claimed her body, and mind, and soul; the same day a stranger had ambushed Therese in front of her favorite coffee shop.

Carol had the ability to make her forget even that the world existed – when they were together, it was only _them_. So she hadn’t had the time to _really_ process what happened, but now here she was, alone with her thoughts, the paralyzing fear crawling inside her brain. Someone out there wanted to keep them apart, so much so that they had hired a man to threaten her.

 

***

 

Carol had picked her up at 6 PM like clockwork, she had waited for Therese downstairs and had greeted her with one of her warmest smiles, the kind of smile that made Therese’s heart flutter in her chest. The ride to her apartment in the Upper East Side had been quite entertaining. Therese had observed through the small side window as the sight in front of her gradually evolved, as the city gained a whole different aspect – quality, she thought – in the way it appeared cleaner, more and more sophisticated as they left yet another block behind. The beautiful buildings partially hidden behind the green leaves of the many trees, the expensive cars parked on the side of the road – not so much different from Carol’s black Mercedes – were all a stark contrast to the neighborhood Therese was so used to.

When they entered her apartment the astonishment was even bigger. Therese was surrounded by what could only be described as impeccable taste. The living room was beautifully illuminated by seemingly infinite floor-to-ceiling windows that opened to a big terrace outside. The entire place was imbued with Carol’s personality – classy but vibrant nevertheless; from the Chelsea grey chamois sofa in the middle of the room, paired with deep _red_ pillows that matched the tufted armchair in color, to the vintage charcoal Turkish rug. The ivory walls were adorned by several black and white photographs and colorful paintings, some of which Therese recognized as from the same artist that Carol proudly displayed in her office. Every detail in her apartment looked meticulously picked and Therese was pretty sure that the couch alone had cost more than what she earned in a month.

Looking down at how she decided to dress herself to come here, she had never felt more out of place. She knew that Carol was way above this shallowness, that she didn’t care how many zeros were in Therese’s bank account but still, she had never truly realized how _different_ they were before now.

Carol helped her out of her denim jacket and as Therese continued to scan the room she noticed a brunette holding a little girl in her arms coming towards her. Therese recognized her as Abby, Carol’s friend who was staying with Rindy while Carol picked her up from her apartment.

“You must be Therese, I’m Abby,” the brunette said reaching her arm out to greet her as she put the little girl down. “Nice to finally meet you. Carol talks very highly of you.”

A faint blush spread to Therese’s cheeks. “She does?”

“Of course I do,” she heard Carol reply from a distance. Her voice sounded so filled with pride that Therese couldn’t help the broad smile appearing on her face. “You two go sit on the couch, I’ll bring us some wine.”

“Are you staying with us for dinner?”

“No, no… don’t worry, you’ll have her all by yourself tonight,” Abby placed a hand on Therese’s back guiding her towards their seats.

Therese’s eyes widened in shock. “I-I didn’t mean it like that,” she was mortified. This was the first time Carol was letting her in her personal life, introducing Therese to her friend, and here she was sounding _rude_.

Abby winked at her in the same way she had seen Carol doing so many times, with knowledge in her eyes. “Oh I know honey.”

They let a short silence fill the air as Carol was busy pouring wine and talking to Rindy. The small, gentle voice she used with her daughter was the sweetest sound Therese had ever heard. She was feeling nervous, palms sweating and erratic heart beats, as she picked at the skin around her nails and slowly took in her surroundings, trying to figure out her role in all of this now that she was here among Carol’s _daughter_ and _best friend_.

“Therese…” All of a sudden Abby’s voice interrupted her thoughts. “You’ll take good care of her, will you?”

The question was completely unexpected and it took Therese a couple of seconds before she could reply. “Well, I don’t really think she needs _me_ to take care of her –“

Abby cut her short holding one hand up. “You must be aware of her situation.”

“I know she’s getting a divorce…”  She trailed off. Abby looked at her expectantly as if she was waiting for her to continue.

“And...” Therese shrugged shaking her head, not really knowing what else to say. “That’s it.”

She felt a deep feeling of inadequacy at the disappointment that briefly crossed Abby’s face, as if she was supposed to pass a test that she had just miserably failed, but the way the older woman’s attention was now completely directed to Carol made Therese realize that maybe she wasn’t the one that had elicited this kind of response from Abby.

“I see…” The older brunette trailed off when Carol finally made her way to the living room, a silver tray with three crystal glasses of red wine in her hands.

“What are you two talking about?”

“You,” Abby replied lighting up a cigarette.

Carol smirked as she sat down next to Therese and across from Abby. “Only good things I hope.”

“Absolutely.”            

Placing her hand on Therese’s knee, Carol turned to face her. “You know, Rindy wanted to cook her favorite dish for you,” she smiled almost sheepishly and Therese swore her heart skipped a beat. There was always something new about this woman – a softer laugh, a brighter twinkle in her eyes, or the same words spoken in a different tone – that was capable of making Therese fall in love with her all over again.

“She knows about me?”

“I told her you were a friend of mine,” Carol said placing the glass of wine on the coffee table. “It’s…not really a good time, it’s complicated… she’s still trying to understand why Harge won’t be living with us anymore… But I will – tell her I mean, I promise.”

Therese grabbed Carol’s hands in hers and squeezed – gently but firmly. She wanted her to know how much she appreciated her concern; besides she didn’t even know yet how she felt about Rindy knowing about the nature of their relationship. “Carol, it’s fine…it really is.”

When the silence stretching between them started to be too uncomfortable for Abby, now starting to feel like a third wheel, she took it as her cue to leave. “Well, it’s time for me to go,” she said as she rose from her seat and grabbed the trench coat that was draped over the back of the sofa.                 

“Oh Abby, hang on a second, I promised you that slice of pie.”

“Ah, yes! Carol makes the best coconut cream pie in the _world_ ,” Abby informed Therese, stressing her last word, and dramatically biting down her lower lip. Therese smiled at her, the small dimples appearing on her cheeks. Abby was really nice; Therese had sensed her loyalty to Carol the minute she entered the apartment, but she also found their personality to be quite in contrast – Abby was so much more carefree and straightforward, her sociable nature really bouncing off the walls.

“You know she loves you? Very much Therese,” she straightened, her tone now so much more serious, but soft nevertheless.

Once again, Therese was completely taken aback by Abby’s question. “I-I… yes of course. I love her too Abby,” she said looking steadily in her eyes. She felt this foolish need to make Abby _believe_ her.

“This is my number, and my address...” Abby said as she took a small rectangular card from her wallet. It read _Abigail Gerhard – Criminal defense attorney._ “If you ever feel the need to…talk, just call me, we can grab a coffee or something,” she added softly touching her arm before Carol came back holding a plastic container.

“Thank you,” Therese whispered, brows furrowed in confusion.

“Here…” Carol handed Abby the baked dish and leaned in to hug her tightly. “Thank you for staying with Rindy.”

“Anytime dear.”

 

***

 

Dinner had been perfect, although Therese had been particularly nervous at sitting across from Carol’s daughter, wanting to make a good impression on the six-year-old. Rindy had asked many questions, she wanted to know what Therese did in her free time, if she liked animals as much as she did, and if she was going to be mommy’s new best friend like Abby; the little girl was inquisitive and curious with those smart cold blue eyes, just like her mother.

She was now playing in her room with her train set. Carol had agreed on an extra thirty minutes before bed time now that Rindy finally was on summer vacation and didn’t need to wake up too early in the morning. The two women were enjoying each other’s company with the soft music from the radio filling the air.

They were sitting on the floor sipping red wine, bare feet and their shoulders touching. They didn’t talk much – they didn’t have to – the comfort they were able to draw from each other’s presence alone was simply enough. There had been quiet kisses and secretive brushes of fingers against their cheeks, and neck, and arms – careful not to get caught by the little girl not so far away from them. Carol felt overjoyed; with Therese beside her and her daughter playing in her room after a wonderful dinner together, the smell of homemade meal still permeating  the air and the coziness radiating from the soft lights in the living room, she was having a taste of the life she had always _dreamed_ of.

“I know it wasn’t a real _date_ …” Carol whispered cupping Therese’s cheek. “But it’s close. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did… I wanted it to be special – ”

“Oh Carol…” Their mouths touched. She sucked Carol’s lip passionately, their tongues swirling and dancing against each other, both willing to pour themselves into their kiss.

“It was perfect,” Their foreheads touching. She wanted to reassure Carol that each one of her gestures were precious to her.

The sound of jingling keys and the door closing suddenly made them both jerk away from each other.

Therese’s head snapped to the side in the direction of the unexpected noise. Frozen in place at the thought of an intruder, she could hear the rhythmic swooshing sound of her heartbeat in her ears. Carol squeezed Therese’s shoulder in reassurance, gesturing her to stay put and _silent_ , before she got up from the floor and swiftly slipped her shoes back on.

The sight of Harge, although completely unexpected, oddly didn’t come with much surprise; however, the sight of him walking to the kitchen to pour himself a glass of whiskey – with all the naturalness in the world – _that,_ made Carol’s blood boil. Most of all his unannounced visit elicited a deep state of uneasiness, fear crawling up her spine at the thought of him finding Therese in her apartment. She was momentarily thankful that the young woman’s figure was being completely shielded behind the big sofa and the concrete column that separated the areas in her apartment.

She followed Harge in the kitchen, desperately trying to keep him as far as possible from the living room. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to see my daughter,” he said sternly after he downed his glass in one single gulp, slid the tumbler across the counter and turned around to face Carol.

She sighed rubbing at her temples. She could already feel a throbbing headache starting to spread behind her eyelids. “It’s late, why don’t you come back in the morning?”

“We’re leaving for Florida tonight. My parents flew out this morning... they’re waiting for us at the hotel.“

“What?” She exclaimed breathily. “We were supposed to go together, Harge…it’s her _birthday_ for god’s sake – ”

He cut her short. A contorted, fake smile appearing on his face. “Of course, I’ve booked a flight for you too.”

“You…you _know_ I can’t come until my lectures are over,” Carol said taking a step back, her voice low and rough.

“Well, you’ll have to tell Rindy that.”

Oh she knew what he was doing. Changing their plans so that she wouldn’t been able to go with them, booking her a flight so that all the responsibility would fall solely on her. She couldn’t go and she would have to tell Rindy that her mother wasn’t going to be there for her birthday.

 “Don’t –“ the only thing she managed to voice before her breath had completely abandoned her lungs, the knot in her throat too tight to let her speak.

A challenging look appeared on his face, as if a twisted game was all that this was. He walked to the little girl’s room and knocked on her door, never adverting his eyes from Carol. “Rindy,” the door slowly cracked open, “It’s me.”

“Daddy?”

“Pack your stuff, we’re going to Disneyland,” he said as he squatted down, eye-level with the little girl.

“For my birthday? We’re going early?”

“Yes, we’re leaving now, so go pack everything you need.”

“This is the best day of my life,” the little girl shouted enthusiastically and it made Carol’s heart constrict even more, as she helplessly watched him taking her daughter away. In the darkest part of her brain she even gave him credits for being so subtly good at this; for being able to rip her away from her still managing to look like the good guy in his daughter’s eyes.

Rindy came out of her room after Carol had helped her put the things she would need for the trip in her small princess suitcase, holding her favorite stuffed animal under her armpit. Carol carried a bigger duffle bag with more of the little girl’s clothes, and put it down at Harge’s feet once she walked back in the living room. 

“Mama… where’s your bag?”

Carol helped Rindy with her jacket; she carefully zipped it up and brushed her golden hair away from her face, fixing the elastic that was holding it tight in a low pony tail. “I-I can’t come with you honey,” she wanted her daughter to know she was deeply sorry, but she also didn’t want her to worry – in spite of everything else she only wished for Rindy to enjoy this vacation.

“Why not? It’s for my birthday mommy, don’t you remember?”

“Of course I remember sweetheart…” She picked Rindy up and held her as close as possible looking steadily in those pleading blue eyes. “But I can’t leave work.”

“Tell them it’s for my birthday, they’ll understand.”

“Oh, I wish it was that simple,” Carol’s voice quavered, coming out strangled in her effort to keep her emotions at bay – she wouldn’t shed a single tear in front of him – the anger burning just under her skin. “You’re going to have lots of fun and then you’re gonna tell me all about it when you come back.”

The cracking sound of it made a shiver crawl down Therese’s spine, the pain that she could hear in her words was almost palpable.  She had never heard the other woman like this nor she had ever thought she would. Carol was the strongest and most tenacious person she knew, the defeat and powerlessness she was here to witness were simply not traits that belonged to her.

“But…” Rindy faltered. “I don’t understand, you said – ”

“I know,” Carol placed a soft kiss on her forehead as she walked towards the front door, silencing the words she knew her daughter wanted to voice, _you said we were going together._ She met his gaze when he approached them to take Rindy in his arms. Her eyes fixed on him were steady, burning with fury and hatred for making her break a promise she had made to her daughter; her jaw clenched in a desperate attempt at keeping her misery under the surface.

Her eyes softened again when she took Rindy’s hand in hers once again, kissing it softy before she let her go.

Once the door was closed behind them, she walked back to the living area. Sitting at the marble dining table she lit a cigarette with shaky hands and took a deep drag of the burning smoke, breathing back in all her emotions, willing the bitterness of her feelings to mix with the ashy taste of the cigarette.

A warm, gentle hand squeezed her shoulder from behind, the young woman appearing in her peripheral vision. “Carol,” Therese whispered so softly it was almost imperceptible. The feeling of inadequacy taking over her as, once again, she felt utterly helpless when it came to Carol.

The words that came out of her mouth next cut through her like a knife to her core. “I think you should go.”

She stood there in silence for what felt like eternity waiting for Carol to say something else –anything – but no other words came, and as her breathing hitched and her vision blurred she grabbed her things and finally left.

 

***

 

The soft sound of jazz in the background kept him company while he sipped at his neat bourbon and scrolled through the pictures he would later transfer to his client’s pen drive. The room was dark; the only source of light coming from the computer display and the ash of his cigarette that would spark with each drag of smoke.

He stared at the pictures he took. Two lovers in some of their most personal moments. He’d been good, he thought, at capturing their innocent unawareness – their actions unfolding with all the easiness in the world. He had definitely enough material to please his paying clients.

He looked at the photos he had took of them on campus; Carol Aird and Therese Belivet sitting across from one another drinking their coffees, secretly brushing fingers under the table, sharing knowing looks. He knew the contact had lasted a split second but he’d been quick enough to still that image forever.

He skipped forward and now scanned the pictures he was able to take outside of the girl’s apartment. The glances and the kisses they shared when they had greeted each other.

The next photos had been taken at a place he had found following the two women, specifically he took those pictures at the entrance of what he assumed was a club, in the parking lot, in the secluded _alleyway_ between the buildings. He had snapped one single photo – the image of the woman’s hand beneath the girl’s underwear – the most compromising for the two of them. He had captured the pleasure, but even he could see there was so much more than that. Such an intimate photo should never see the light of day.

The phone on his desk came to life and started vibrating with an incoming call.

“Hello?”

A few seconds of silence passed while he listened to the speaker.

“Yes sir, I’m going through them right about now.”

Another pause before he replied once again, ending the call.

“Of course, I understand. Tomorrow will be fine Mr. _Ross_.”

Tony studied the picture in front of him once again. In a moment of madness he selected the photo, and cursing under his breath, he dragged it to the small paper bin in the corner of his desktop.

 _Deleted_.

He was probably going to regret his lack of professionalism later on, but for now that was the right thing to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ps. I've read several times that Carol's given name was Ross, so I stuck with that.
> 
> P.P.S I _love_ you guys trying to figure out the small hints I'm leaving - the "Sherlock Holmes" vibe you've created in the comments!  
>  Also, some of you leaving small smutty prompts for our Carol and Therese... *wink, wink* 
> 
> I'm really curious of what you think of this chapter.  
> The mercedes-amg s65 cabriolet is what I had in mind for Carol’s car;)


	11. For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is - just like Therese - a quivering mess.  
> I hope you enjoy it;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A thousand thank yous to all of you who are still with me in this story, have left kudos and wonderful comments!
> 
> I also want to thank my flu for giving me more time to write and post this chapter earlier lol

Carol hadn’t slept much, her mind had been racing with thoughts of Harge and Rindy all night, and the ghost touch of Therese’s fingers on her shoulder had hunted her dreams. A sense of guilt had been gnawing at her since the moment she was left alone in her apartment, thinking of how she’d treated the young woman. She’d been craving the closeness that she herself had tossed away. In the night, alone in bed, the arms she’d wanted wrapped around her, were Therese’s.

Before class, while she was having breakfast at her place she thought of the many ways she could make amend, ask for the young girl’s understanding and, perhaps, forgiveness. She would do anything to keep her close, she needed her presence more than she’d ever thought possible - she simply had to work through her fears.

This new sense of resolution was what pushed Carol out of her apartment and had stopped her from ditching her lecture this morning. She drove to campus anxious to see her face, to hold her hand, kiss her hair and tell her ‘ _I’m sorry’_. On the way over, she stopped at one of the nearest Starbucks and ordered her usual coffee, feeling like the one she had earlier at home wasn’t going to be nearly enough to kick the exhaustion from her restless night.

When she stepped out of the café, breathing in the early summer air, something from the little shop next door caught her attention. Juggling her phone and the cup of coffee in one hand, she picked it up, held it close and smiled all the way to the check-out. She knew it was cheesy and hackneyed, and definitely _not_ her style, but it made her think of _her_.

The lecture had been hard – harder than she had expected. Therese had already been in class before she arrived; although, she had taken her seat in one of the very last rows, Carol had spotted her immediately – long brown hair half up in a small bun – gorgeous as always, but in the two long hours she spent talking about human body’s representation in the visual Arts, she had never met her gaze. Therese had been particularly careful to pay attention only to the notebook in front of her avoiding any eye contact with Carol, thus for the first time since the young woman had started her class all those months ago, she couldn’t help but feeling a little amiss when she summoned Therese in her office at the end of the lecture.

Therese didn’t say a word as she awkwardly stood in the middle of the room. Carol leaned back against her desk observing her. She wasn’t good with apologies, yet she felt her brain exploding with a myriad of words.

“Please…” She gestured towards the couch in the corner of the room.

Therese took a seat there, and Carol knew she was nervous by the way she kept biting her lips and the way she clenched her hands in tight fists under her legs. It took every ounce of self-control she had not to throw herself at her feet and hold her tightly in her arms.

She grabbed a chair and placed it in front of Therese, taking with her the small gift she had purchased earlier – the one that had made Carol think of her. Therese’s gaze was still firmly fixed on her entwined hand when she tentatively placed the single rose on her lap. She briefly brushed the brunette’s knee with her fingers, before their eyes finally – _finally_ – met.

“I’m so sorry Therese,” Carol whispered.

Therese’s brows furrowed and her eyes rapidly blinked as she studied the beautiful flower in her hands. “Why would you do that?”

“I couldn’t let you…” She sighed. _I couldn’t let you see._ “I needed time… to think. I’ve been awful with you Therese, but can you find it in your heart to forgive me?”

“Of course.”

 

***

 

“Would you…have dinner with me? We can go somewhere a bit far from here. We could talk,” Carol had asked her after a while to which Therese had replied with a small smile and a nod. She wanted to spend time with Carol, and she yearned to know more about her, willing to take any piece of information the older woman would give her, so she had eagerly accepted; nevertheless, the tension between them had been heavy throughout the entire ride in Carol’s car.

They had found a nice place outside New York City where they could spend the evening in tranquility. In Carol’s mind, they were safe from prying eyes and nosy co-workers that they would have been more likely to encounter if they had stayed in town; for Therese however, the unusual location represented a haven, away from whoever it was that kept them under scrutiny and had approached her days ago with that threat.

They had driven north for almost an hour, observed in silence as the big tall buildings of the city had gradually faded away; as the slabs of concrete, and buildings made of cement and steel had been replaced by beautiful paths of flowering trees and rolling green hills. Therese had spent the entire time watching out of the window, occasionally averting her eyes from the road ahead to study the rose that she had carefully placed on her lap, gently stroking the smooth petals and smiling as she thought that its color was just so much Carol. 

The tension had been anything but comfortable. The long silences were only ever broken by futile commentaries and polite questions like, _it’s a really nice day_ , or _do you mind if I roll down the window?_ Still, the casual interruptions had been few and far apart, neither of them really having the guts to break the ice.

Therese knew Carol had been trying to restrain herself from reaching out, she had noticed the way her hand would leave the wheel for a fraction of a second, only to grip it even tighter after she’d stopped the urge to touch her. She knew she was giving her the space she needed, and _that_ – the thoughtfulness, the small gestures – made Therese love her even more.

They were now sitting at one of the booths at the place that Carol had chosen for their dinner; it was a nice French tavern – deliciously cozy but sophisticated nevertheless. The tiles of the floor had a characteristic black and white pattern, and each table was illuminated in a nice, warm glow coming from several light bulbs that hung down from the ceiling.

Carol had picked a gourmet hamburger, which consisted of quinoa and zucchini burger, Cheddar cheese, tomato and carrot julienne, seasoned with black pepper and mayonnaise – the combination sounding particularly extravagant to Therese.  

“And for you miss?” The waiter asked the brunette.

“Uh…” Therese closed the menu with a loud thud and handed it to the man. “I’ll have the same.”

A small smile stretched Carol’s lips as she listened to Therese ordering her same choice of food. She looked around the room, then her eyes settled back on the young woman in front of her, a tingling sensation invaded her body as she realized this was the very first time they were having dinner together in a public place. Soon enough, a sense of deep regret took over her at the thought that they were finally here on something that would normally be considered a _date_ , albeit under unpleasant circumstances.

“Therese,” she said, trying to get the girl’s attention. Therese looked up for a moment then averted her eyes once again, studying the glass of sparkly water in front of her that suddenly looked exceptionally interesting.

Carol continued nonetheless, well aware that she deserved the silent treatment Therese was giving her. “What you saw…yesterday – ”

“You don’t have to explain,” Therese cut her short, this time holding Carol’s intense gaze.

“I do,” she replied resolutely. She nervously tapped the pad of her fingers against the table. It was in moments like this that she desperately craved the soothing gesture of a smoke. “I – my marriage has always been difficult… “ Rubbing her forehead, she let out a deep sigh of frustration. “I’m trying Therese, I want to be able to tell you things, but I’m not…used to, I’m not used to having someone I can rely on, do you understand?” God, she sounded lame even to her own ears. Therese deserved so much more than a bunch of faltered words and shallow explanations.

The younger woman shrugged. “I’m not sure…”

“You’re angry,” she stated, her voice low and tight. The words escaped her mouth before she had a chance to hold them back.

“I’m not angry Carol.” Therese snapped, harsher than she had intended causing a small, _almost_ imperceptible flinch of Carol’s brows. “I’m hurt. Because all I can hear _really_ … is that you don’t trust me enough, when all I want to do is be there for you.” The hurt and the anger that were inflaming her only seconds ago immediately subsided when she saw the shadows of pain crossing the older woman’s face.

Eyes closed, Carol shook her head as she mouthed a silent _no_.“Please know that it’s the furthest thing from the truth.” She said gravelly, taking a deep breath before she could continue. “I’ve been waiting for you Therese, my entire life… beside Rindy, you’re the first person I’m willing to fight for, and I _know_ that what I can offer… Therese,” her palm slid across the table, firmly gripping the younger woman’s hand in hers, holding her gaze. “…it will never be enough, and I’m infinitely sorry for that, but I’m asking you to be patient with me.”

The words lingered in the air. Carol’s explanation wasn’t exactly was she had been expecting, in fact it barely allowed a small peek at the mystery that was Carol’s mind. Still, her words and the sincerity in her voice meant just too much to be ignored.“Yes, I’ll – yes…” Therese looked at their joined hands, as she extricated her own only to lace their fingers together. With Carol, even the smallest of things felt _precious_ , like the burning sensation that spread to her body whenever their skin made contact.  

The waiter arrived with their two hamburgers, placing each in front of them before he left with a jovial ‘ _bon appétit’._ Therese took a big bite of the delicious meal, and with her mouth still full she hesitantly asked, “So, what happened yesterday?”

“Harge…well, you’ve seen him. I’m sure you’ve already figure it out yourself,” Carol replied giving a dismissive wave of her hand before she took a sip of her water.

Therese let out an exasperated sigh. Her voice was calm, yet unrelenting. “No, Carol. I haven’t.”

Carol ran her hand aggressively through her hair as she drew in a long breath. “He’s…not really inclined to let me go, and he has this _habit_ of using Rindy against me, trying to… push her away from me because he knows that the bond I have with her will always, inevitably, pull me right back.” Her voice came out strangled with emotions – anger, Therese thought, but mostly pain.

“Did this happen before?”

The look on Carol’s face was one Therese couldn’t really place, it was guarded and so full of guilt; she knew the small confession she was able to draw from her had already cost Carol a great deal. Therese wanted to talk, she was well aware she had the upper hand here, and that if she insisted only a bit more Carol would give her what she wanted; nonetheless, she decided to give the woman what she had asked for: _patience_.

She leaned a bit forward, softly brushing the tip of Carol’s fingers with her own. “What do you say? Should we indulge in a dessert?”

Carol smiled and squeezed Therese’s hand softly, staring back at her with a look of pure gratitude.

They sat in a comfortable silence while they waited for their order. They both felt a deep sense of relief; although, there was still so much they needed to talk about, they knew they’d reached a new level of implicit understanding, and Carol had never been more grateful for the time Therese was willing to give her.  

The waiter arrived once again, this time carrying two coconut and chocolate cakes, whip cream on top.

“So…I’m graduating in a few weeks,” Therese started, scooping a mouthful of the delicious desert.

“So I’ve heard, Miss Belivet.”

“Well…I’m having this dinner party with friends – actually it’s only Danny and me…” She trailed off shaking her head. “Anyway, we want to celebrate and uhm… you two are the most important people in my life, and I can’t imagine celebrating without you, so…” Therese cleared her throat, suddenly feeling particularly nervous. “I was wondering – “

“Oh, just spit it out!” Carol said playfully, nudging Therese’s leg with her foot under the table.

“Would you like to come? To my dinner party…” She waited her response, anxiously biting her lip. After a few seconds of suspenseful silence, a broad smile appeared lighting up Carol’s face and melting Therese’s heart. “I would love to.”

“I will miss your lectures _so_ much, Professor Aird.”

“Well, I say we make these last two weeks count, then… mm?” _God_ , she knew that sly look on her face.

“How?”

Carol winked at her. “I can definitely think of something.”

 

***

 

They were back in the city, in Carol’s apartment. The place was dark, illuminated only by the artificial street lights coming from outside. It had started raining on their way back, and Therese had asked Carol to keep the lights off so that she could admire the beautiful colors created by the storm. They had just got home, Carol had offered her something to drink and they were now standing by the window, closer than they had been in a whole day.

Eyes fixed on Therese, Carol took a sip of her wine as she let her thumb delicately brush over the younger woman’s mouth, tracing first her upper lip and then delicately paying attention to the lower lip. Therese’s tongue darted out to moisten the spot that was left tingling by her touch, giving Carol the irresistible urge to kiss her. After everything that had happened, she was still unsure if she could give into it completely. Although they had talked and Therese had forgiven her, she still didn’t want to assume she could just go back to how things were.

Sensing Carol’s hesitancy, she took the glass from the older woman’s hand and placed it on the nearest coffee table. She leaned in with a confidence she had never shown before, and pressed her lips against Carol’s. This time she was leading their kiss; deepening whenever she felt like, teeth biting and pulling, hands on either sides of her face to keep her close. The soft sounds she was able to elicit were all she could think of; Carol had moaned, and whimpered, and cried out her name when she’d reached her ecstasy, but Therese had never before heard this feeble sounds of raw desperation, of pure overwhelming _need_ , and fuck –  she would try to draw that from her every single day for the rest of her life.  

Therese felt the warmth of Carol’s hands wandering underneath her dress, sending a wave of shivers down her spine. Her hands started traveling up along the side of her torso, making the fabric roll up with the movement, and when it reached the underwire of Therese’s bra, Carol finally pulled it over her head, exposing the girl’s beautiful body.

She leaned in and pressed her mouth on Therese’s shoulder, inhaling her scent up to the crook of her neck. She bit down and sucked at the delicate skin, sure she would leave a mark, while she gently but firmly pushed Therese against the glass of the window. Lightly so, she pulled at her brown hair tilting her head to the side as she continued to mark the creamy skin of her long neck. Therese felt dizzy, her body vibrating under the woman’s lips and hands, as she let her once again take control over her body.

Trying to see past the fuzziness caused by the intensity of her arousal, she fumbled with the buttons of Carol’s shirt, opening them one by one with shaky hands. She didn’t get to slide the garment over her shoulders though, as Carol took a step backwards to admire the young woman in front of her.

Just when Therese thought Carol could never look more beautiful, here she was proving her wrong. Standing there, disheveled golden curls that the night turned almost alloy as they reflected the silvery light of the moon; swollen red lips and ragged breathing – she was a vision. Her perfect curves were accentuated by the tight black pencil skirt. The opened button-up exposed her full breasts, covered only by the lacy fabric of her balconette bra. A lightning came flooding the room in blues and purples, painting Carol’s alabaster skin like a canvas; a Goddess, Therese thought, and in that moment she knew – she just _knew_ – she would sink to her knees and give herself completely to her.

Carol closed the small distance between them, and gently tucked a strand of hair behind Therese’s ear. She kissed her, took her lip between her teeth and sucked it in her mouth while her hands moved around Therese unclasping her bra with acquired ease, and slowly slid the straps down her arms letting the piece of garment fall at their feet. Carol continued her assault on the young girl’s neck; she scraped her teeth over her jaw line and bit down the soft flesh of her chin before she started her torturous descent.

“You are…” She breathed, her voice husky but unsurprisingly unwavering. She continued to kiss down the line of Therese’s throat, and licked the hollow spot between her collarbones, savoring the sweet taste of her skin. Her mouth traveled lower leaving a wet trail down the young girl’s chest, over the mound of her breast, and when Carol finally reached her hardened nipple, she gently tugged at it with her teeth and swirled her tongue around it, worshipping the sensitive nub and sending a shockwave of pleasure up Therese’s back and down to her core – the vibrating sensation settling south.

One hand cupped her breast as Carol slowly kneeled in front of her. Therese laced her fingers through her blonde hair, feeling her heart picking up speed as she locked eyes with those icy orbs. She completely forgot how to breath, the image of _Carol_ on her knees looking up at her with such devotion, and love and hunger – it was almost too much to take in.

Carol leaned forward, her forehead pressed against Therese’s stomach, lips moving softly over the spot just above the waist band of her underwear as she whispered lightly “My angel.”The rough sound of her voice, and the meaning behind those words made goose bumps explode all over Therese’s skin. Carol’s tongue slid underneath the garment of her panties, as red manicured nails started scraping at the young girl’s hips, slowly pulling them down the length of her legs, leaving four distinct rosy marks on each of her limbs until she reached her ankles and finally freed the girl from the last of her clothing.

Carol parted her legs wider, never breaking eye contact. She slid her hands up till she rested them on Therese’s naked bottom, meanwhile breathing the heady scent in. She could already taste her in her mouth. Her thumb started tracing the inside of her groin, slowly and teasing, and so very close to where she needed her the most, up to her pubic bone where she started brushing in tantalizing circles. Therese felt like she could cry from the anticipation; she could feel the pressure of a touch that still wasn’t _there_. She groaned in frustration tilting her head back against the window. “Carol, I-I need…”

She was now running her thumb, ever so _slightly_ , along the line of her slit, grinning at her wetness there. She started leaving open-mouthed kisses up the length of her legs, gathering with her tongue the slick evidence of the girl’s arousal that she found slowly trickling down her thighs. “What do you need, Therese?”

The young girl’s gaze fell down on Carol; her mouth so _close_ , and those breasts – god those breasts –  they looked like they could break free from the tight confinement of her bra at any moment. Therese mewled shamelessly.

“You,” she breathed, her mouth agape.

Carol slowly slid her tongue against her swollen folds, the contact so light that Therese might as well have hallucinated. “What _do_ you want?” She repeated the words, this time they were imbued with command.

“Your tongue…on me,” Therese uttered in the smallest of voices, tightening the grip in Carol’s hair, and bracing herself for the inevitable.

“I would do anything for you Therese. You just need to ask,” her voice was thick with _sex_ , but even in the middle of something so erotic the implicit meaning was always the same _–  I love you._

With that, she finally made contact with her pussy. Parting Therese’s lips, Carol dipped between her folds and slowly licked her way from her entrance up to her clit. When she reached the sensitive nub, she took it in her mouth sucking at it as if her life depended on it. Therese met Carol’s gaze and she was startled by the intensity she found there, eyes so wild and piercing –  all she could see was raw pleasure. The sight of her scarlet lips covering her pussy was almost enough to send her over the edge.

Carol kept lapping at her, drinking her in and moaning against her clit, as the sweet taste of Therese’s essence coated her tongue. The vibrations caused by Carol’s muffled sounds felt like a delightful torture, making Therese go weak at her knees. Carol sucked harder and harder, and as she sensed the young woman was about to collapse, she got up on her feet and suddenly, she spun Therese around making her face the open window.

Her need for control kicking back in, she grabbed the girl’s wrists and placed her hands flat on the glass, on both sides of her head. She gave Therese’s ankle a nudge with her foot indicating to spread her legs wider. Therese knew nobody could see her, the height of Carol’s apartment and the big terrace in front of her was providing them with enough privacy. Still, there was something about her naked body on display that turned her on more than anything.

Brushing her long brown hair over one shoulder, Carol leaned in and placed a soft kiss on the side of her neck, before she pressed her body against Therese’s back. The feeling of Carol’s warm breasts against her bare skin made a small moan escape Therese’s mouth.

A bolt of white lightning illuminated the room once again, creating a perfect contrast between light and shadows that sculpted the naked body in front of Carol’s eyes, accentuating the tight muscles of Therese’s back, right in the center where her scapulas met, or the small dimples at bottom of her long, elegant spine. She was _perfect_.

Soon enough Therese felt the woman’s fingers sliding back between her folds, up and down at a different pace now. The squelching sound of her wetness and their ragged breaths were almost obscene.

Carol worked her up rhythmically, fingers moving in circles around her clit, picking up speed and increasing the pressure. When she knew Therese was teetering on the edge of her climax, she finally dipped her finger inside, reveling in the sensation of her warm, smooth walls. She didn’t wait long before she plunged another one into her pussy.

Therese was panting, the hot puff of her breath fogging up the glass in front of her, her sweaty hands leaving a mark in the shape of her digits, as they kept sliding up and down with the force of each thrust.

Her deep, loud moans filled the room. Therese started to feel her body losing all its strength, legs shaking with the intensity of the approaching orgasm. Carol slid her free arm under Therese’s armpit, ready to support her weight, while her own palm rested on top of Therese’s hand. Her entire body was reduced to a quivering mess, a loud and shameful string of ‘ _fuck me’_ escaped her open mouth as Carol kept thrusting into her harder and faster. One of Therese’s hands moved down to meet Carol’s, sliding it underneath hers to press down on her clit. The exquisite pressure was enough to make her jerk spasmodically, and as her legs _finally_ gave out Carol slowly lowered their bodies onto the floor, never ceasing to fuck her.

Both on their knees now, Therese was straddling Carol’s lap with her back against her chest, head completely tilted backward and supported by Carol’s shoulder. She felt a hot, burning sensation rapidly spreading to her cheeks as she realized she was probably soaking the fabric of Carol’s skirt. The room started spinning around her and Therese felt like being flung in a whole different dimension as the sound of her own groans and Carol’s breaths mixed with the loud crack of a thunder, as her nostrils were filled by the familiar scent of her arousal and Carol’s flowery perfume, as the touch of those fingers inflamed her skin.

Therese let out a strangled whimper, pressing her clit with a flick of her fingers. “Car- I’m going to…come,” she breathed with desperation, and in any other circumstance she would have felt embarrassed for the utter loss of control, but this was Carol, holding her and possessing her and caring for her – she already knew she could give herself completely.

“I’m here. Let go for me baby,” Carol whispered against her neck. Therese’s thighs started violently shaking, her toes curled and her back arched in an impossible curve as everything else faded to black, as she finally succumbed to her orgasm.

Carol held her while she waited for her breathing to level out. She kissed her lips tenderly while her fingers continued to move around her clit with a soft, delicate touch. Eyes still closed in contentment, Therese turned around so that she was now facing the older woman. Her head rested in the curve of her neck while Carol cradled her spent body in her arms. She buried her nose in her brown hair, deeply breathing her in, while she relished the feeling of pure bliss that took over her. Just being with her, touching her, feeling her skin against her own was able to mend every wound in Carol’s heart. Lightly, she brushed Therese’s lower lip with her thumb, smiling at the young girl’s disheveled appearance – she looked thoroughly fucked.

Chest rising and falling, Therese was still panting when she finally looked up at Carol; taking her wrist in her hand she guided the older woman’s fingers still coated in her essence to her mouth, sucking her off just like Carol did all those days ago in her office. 

Carol moaned at the scene, planting a soft kiss on Therese’s forehead. “I love you,” She whispered before the brunette started unclasping her bra.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy 1st of October <3  
> I would love to hear what you think of this chapter.
> 
> Ps. Come find me on tumblr: indiesoul96


	12. Thantophobia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a very delicate chapter, full of hints and subtleties. It's a whole new dynamic as I feel like I've reached an important turning point in this story (does not mean it's ending). We're finally fully delving into their personalities, their past, and we are definitely going to explore more and more the mystery part - which I have a feeling you were quite enjoying (?) 
> 
> Ps. I've just noticed this story has reached 500 kudos. I truly wasn't expecting this when I first started writing it. 500 thank yous! So much love <3
> 
> *NOTE*  
> This chapter does **NOT** allude to any triggering topic. Please, keep this in mind while reading.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thantophobia:  
> (n.) the phobia of losing someone you love.

The cold hardwood floor against her bare ass gave Therese some sort of relief from the heat her body was experiencing after her mind-blowing climax. She was waiting for Carol to return from her bedroom, leaning back and propped on her extended arms, like when you’re trying to soak up the sun at the beach, her legs were bent at her knees and her gaze traveled around the living room, taking in all the small details she hadn’t had a chance to notice the first time she’d been in Carol’s apartment. It was only moments ago when Therese had gone as far as sliding her shirt off of her, only to be stopped when her hands had reached the clasps of her bra. Carol had kissed Therese on her forehead, got up from the floor and headed to her room, shouting over her shoulder that she was going to find her something to wear when she was already halfway across the living area.

Therese had started to worry that Carol might just not want to be touched by _her,_ but the tormenting dread and the inevitable pain she would feel at the thought she was being rejected would momentarily be swept aside by anything Carol would do, or say; like the intensity with which she made love to Therese, and how every single kiss from Carol felt like a testament to her feelings for the young woman; the way she whispered in her ear both the most tender and obscene things she had ever heard; they way Carol looked at her with insatiable hunger, letting Therese know through her bright blue eyes how much she desired to fuck her, and how could someone so sexually charged never wanted to be touched?

Therese closed her eyes and breathed in the scent of her apartment. She could smell traces of her strong, flowery perfume that mixed with the spicy aroma of burnt tobacco, something that Therese was able to recognize as the typical scent of cigars from the many times she’d spent in her grandfather’s studio when she was a little girl; he would never smoke one in front of her, but the ashy smell that permeated the air and would be soaked up by the pieces of furniture, was exactly like this one. She knew Carol only enjoyed cigarettes, so she wondered how many times her husband had smoked his cigar in their living room, ruining the couches and the cushions and that beautiful armchair that Therese was certain had been carefully picked by Carol, with the strong smell of his tobacco. She could picture him, sprawled on the sofa with his feet propped on the coffee table, whiskey in one hand and his cigar in the other – she didn’t know why but Therese pegged him as a distilled alcohol drinker. She didn’t like him. From the very first time Carol had hint at her problematic marriage, she got a weird, unsettling feeling whenever she thought about him; the scene she was unfortunate enough to witness the other night had only reinforced her disdain.

The sudden warm glow of a lamp on her left snapped Therese out of her thoughts. Carol walked over and handed Therese a red and green plaid robe. She was still gloriously half-naked; she thought Carol had changed too in something more comfortable, instead she was still wearing her pencil skirt and the black bra Therese had tried to unsuccessfully take off of her earlier.

She looked unsurprisingly _sexy_.

“Here. I was looking for something less worn-out but this is all I could find.”

Therese looked up at Carol and took the piece of clothing from her. She held it close just for a few seconds inhaling the scent; it didn’t smell like fresh detergent, it was almost warm as if it had absorbed Carol’s body heat, and she could clearly pick up her distinct savour, something Therese was only ever able to appreciate when her nose was pressed against her _skin_. She felt a tingling sensation at the thought that Carol must had had this on her not long ago, perhaps even this very morning.

“It’s perfect,” she said as she slipped her arms up through the long sleeves, relishing the softness of the fabric.

Carol reached her hand out to Therese, helping the girl up on her feet, and led them both to the kitchen. She wrapped one arm around the young woman’s waist, keeping her close to her side, and Therese felt the irresistible need to snuggle her head into her shoulder; Carol was still taller than her but the lack of her usual high heels made it easier for Therese’s head to fit perfectly under Carol’s chin - like two pieces of a puzzle.

When they entered the kitchen, Therese settled onto one of the stools at the big white marble island, while Carol poured two glasses of that red wine they hadn’t had a chance to finish before their evening had taken a different turn. She wondered why Carol had decided it would be better to come here and, as Therese presumed, talk and have another drink, when was just perfectly fine staying naked in her arms. Then again, it was only 10 and the night was young, she figured they still had all the time to resume their previous activities.

Her eyes roamed around the kitchen and she wasn’t surprised at all to see how every single detail of this room was so much Carol. This woman had such an eye for details and exquisite taste that if she weren’t her Art professor at University, Therese would have easily thought she had a career as an Interior designer. The main color that immediately caught the eye was the elegant ghost white of most of the furniture and the small mosaic tiles of the floor, enhanced by the charcoal grey of the walls and the deep red of the dishes that were visible from one open cabinet in which they were perfectly organized.

As Therese kept studying her new surroundings, her eyes settled on the only thing that looked out of order in the otherwise tidy and immaculate kitchen, something she hadn’t spotted when she first walked in because almost completely hidden behind the big trash can in the corner. But the feeble glints of light reflected by several pieces of shattered glass had caught her attention. She didn’t know if Carol was aware of those tiny fragments scattered in a corner of her kitchen floor, and if so, why she’d chosen to leave them there, but Therese had the inexplicable feeling that they were better left unacknowledged.

Carol slid the wine-filled glass across the table and placed it in front of Therese. She leaned forward, her forearms propped on the edge of the surface as she took a sip of her alcoholic beverage.

“You look delicious in my robe,” Carol said as her gaze traveled up and down Therese’s figure, settling for a split second longer on the bare skin of her chest. The robe was loosely tied around Therese’s waist leaving her partially exposed, from the inner sides of her breasts to the point just above her navel where the belt was secured in a knot. Therese noticed how Carol’s tongue had briefly darted out to moisten her lips, just like she did whenever she was thinking of something lascivious, and Therese couldn’t help but shaking her head at this frustrating embodiment of contradiction that was Carol.

“So, what are your plans for after graduation?”

Therese’s eyes lighted up, a broad smile appearing on her face. “Well, there’s the dinner I told you about earlier.”

“No, I mean after that. You know like… taking a trip or partying hard?” Carol said stressing the last two words with a dramatic voice.

After that? She hadn’t really thought about it. In some way Therese was sure she would spend her time with her. She had come so dangerously close to considering Carol as part of her daily life that whenever she thought about the foreseeable future she just couldn’t imagine Carol _not_ being part of it. And now here she was asking if she would be _partying hard._ What was that even supposed to mean? And what did Carol expect she’d be doing? All Therese really wanted was to celebrate with Dannie and her, and then spend as much time as she could with Carol.

Suddenly, it dawned upon her that she had absolutely no idea how things should go in a relationship in that she’d never been in one before. There had only been this guy, Richard, who she’d been with for a couple of months after high school, but she’d known him since first grade and used to live across the street from her parent’s house – they’d technically never even dated. Would this be considered going too fast? Just wanting to wake up every morning of this summer next to Carol.

“Yeah, no…I haven’t really thought about it.”

Therese’s attention was suddenly drawn to Carol’s fingers. She was using each one of her right hand’s polished nails to push back the cuticle of her thumb; she did it in order, starting from her index finger and finishing with her pinkie, only to resume it all again from the beginning. It was almost compulsive, and unnerving from an outside point of view, and it gave Therese the almost irresistible urge to grab her hand and _stop_ this. She realized it was something Carol often did in particular situations, like when she usually tapped the pad of her digits against an hard surface –  something that seemed to be a nervous habit. All of a sudden, her movements came to an halt, as if Carol herself was bothered by her own body responses. She stretched her long fingers and popped her knuckles, the cracking sound of her bones making Therese pull a face, before she opened a drawer of one of the kitchen cabinets taking out a package of cigarettes. Therese wondered if she had one deliberately stored away in every drawer of her house.

“Well, I think you should go,” Carol said, before she took the first drag of smoke and exhaled through the cigarette causing a flare-up on its tip.

“Why?”

“I just don’t want you to miss out on things, that’s all.”

Therese let a moment of silence stretch between them before she replied. Even if there were any customary unspoken ‘rules’ that dictated how to behave in a barely-one-month-old relationship, Therese found that she simply didn’t care enough to follow them.“Is it crazy that I just rather stay here with you?”

A look that Therese couldn’t quite place crossed Carol’s face, briefly shaping her feature into a somber expression. Her eyes stayed unfazed for a couple of seconds, as if she was weighing each word before she spoke them. She looked like she had expected Therese’s confession but was hoping to be proven wrong.

“Maybe…but I like having you here,” she finally said, winking at her before she downed the last sip of her wine.

 

***

 

Therese’s lips touched the soft skin around Carol’s nipple, a featherlike brush of her rosy lips against her breast—  almost reverent. She looked up at Carol holding her gaze. In the depth of her hazel eyes, Carol could already read the question that was dangling from Therese’s tongue, waiting to be set free.

 “Can I touch you?” A breath that she didn’t even realize she was holding escaped Carol’s mouth.

 “Please.”

Therese begged. She was begging her to touch her.

A small nod was all Carol could manage.

She closed her eyes as soon as Therese’s mouth started a tantalizing journey across the expanse of her chest, leaving soft and chaste kisses between the valley of her breasts, down to her stomach; teeth lightly scraping her skin until Carol felt the tip of Therese’s tongue poking out of her mouth and dipping into her navel. Her hands — her warm hands — were resting on the sides of her torso. Delicate fingers were caressing her skin there, and drawing invisible lines, as if Therese was the artist, eager to create, and Carol her personal sketchbook. She was loving every inch of her body, and the thought alone was enough to make her heart skip a few beats.

She clenched one fist, let out a shaky breath, and placed her hand on top of Therese’s head, running her fingers through her long brown hair.

She would do this for her.

She felt Therese’s palms sliding lower and hooking under her knees, bending her legs so that her feet rested flat on the mattress. The brunette looked up at her, the sweetest of smiles stretched her full, sensuous lips and made those irresistible dimples appear on the sides of her cheeks.

Carol’s eyes were closed. She couldn’t look at her. She couldn’t have this beautiful moment irredeemably tied to Therese.

Her long, inexperienced fingers started touching, stroking — exploring. Carol focused solely on the tactile sensation she was experiencing, blocking out the rest. She felt pleasure, an ever-growing throbbing between her legs, warmth pooling in her lower abdomen and settling south. She could feel herself getting more and more soaked with each flick of Therese’s fingers.

Her mouth was warm, her tongue a never-ending stream of pure pleasure flowing from her mouth and into her pussy. She felt like she was floating, only to be brought back to reality by a familiar, unrelenting weight constricting her chest. Carol’s nail dug into her cuticle, extricating herself from the bliss she was experiencing.

She let her eyes look vacantly out of the window, focusing on the small bright dots of the artificial lights staring back at her from a distance, registering her powerful orgasm when she was already convulsing in _pleasure_.

 

***

 

“Happy birthday Caroline!”

Carol looked at the many people that had gathered around the big table to celebrate. Her family and friends were all there, witnessing as she went through another important milestone in her life – the beginning of her teenage years.

That morning she had woken up to a pile of presents neatly arranged at the end of her bed. Her mother had kissed her on the forehead, squeezing her tightly in a warm embrace. Her eyes had been closed but she could hear her father on the doorway of her bedroom talking in his usual monotonous voice.“You’re thirteen now Caroline, you’ll be expected to act like an adult and stop playing around like a kid.”

“Yes, papa.”

Now here she was, looking at Sarah and Terence, her two best friends– her childhood friends – sharing a mutual understanding, all three of them well aware there simply was no ‘adult’ that could stop them from doing God- knows-what Terence would come up with this time, and having the best summer of their lives. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo... **what the hell is going on?** Any idea? Let me know!!!
> 
>  
> 
> Carmen S, THANK YOU.


	13. Cracking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sweet treat at the beginning before some Angst.
> 
> NSFW?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had the hardest time writing this chapter, or anything at all for that matter, as I'm currently struggling with insecurities about my work here. It's been kind of difficult to let the words out, but here they are now, I really hope you enjoy this part!
> 
> As always, thank you so much for your amazing support, still can't believe I got this far :D

Therese’s eyes cracked open, as the sun beaming through the partially open blinds woke her up from her sleep. She squinted, the harsh light disturbing her vision and making her realize she must have overslept, the sun too high in the sky for being the usual six in the morning. She rolled over in bed and stretched her arm out to reach the alarm clock on the nightstand, trying to read the numbers despite the blur in her eyes. It was 10.30, the latest she’d ever slept since she was in high school, and if the heavy pressure she felt in her head was any indication, her body was certainly not used to so many hours of sleep. Carol must have turned off her alarm when she got up earlier this morning and let her sleep in; the thought of Carol caring in such tender way, made Therese ache for her in a way she’d never thought possible.

She had been staying at Carol’s over the weekend, and Therese was not afraid to admit these last three days had been the best of her life. They had spent the entire time at home, and for the first time since they started this, they’d been able to thoroughly enjoy each other’s company free of any distractions – just the two of _them_.

They’d spent the nights after dinner snuggling up on the couch watching TV and eating popcorns, her legs draped over Carol’s, and her head buried in the crook of her neck; she wondered if Carol had noticed Therese never really paid attention to the movies, as she lost herself completely in the heady scent of her skin, and the sweet perfume of her shampoo. Carol had baked Therese’s favorite cake while she sat across from her in the kitchen, watching Carol as she swayed her hips to the beat of the music. Never in a million years had Therese imagined she could be lucky enough to witness Carol Aird dancing and being so domestic, covered in nothing but a long worn-out tee.

They had eaten together, and drank whiskey at night before they would stumble to bed and make love to each other – Carol, as always, the perfect giver. Therese had realized by now how she struggled to let go and give herself completely. It was something she didn’t understand and felt the urge to explore, she wanted to crawl inside her, deep in her soul, and quell the bitter turmoil that she knew kept Carol in the tightest of grips. But she didn’t ask, didn’t push, instead Therese had chosen to love her with all she had, and let her open up on her own terms – after all, patience was what she’d promised her.

She looked at the time again. Over the last few days Therese had memorized Carol’s routine, and on a regular day off, she would be in her studio usually prepping her next lectures for the following week. She rolled over once again, burying her nose in Carol’s pillow and hugging it tight to her chest, letting her feelings and a sense of joy wash over her, so strong she could almost feel tears forming in the corner of her eyes.

She finally got out of bed, not wanting to waste anymore time – she needed to see her face. When she stepped into to the kitchen to make herself a cup of coffee, she noticed a clean mug on the counter, the same she had been using these last few mornings, and a small piece of paper. She held it up, and smiled broadly at the words she read.

_Good morning sunshine,_

_Coffee’s ready. I’ll be working in my studio, come find me_.

She smiled brightly at the small note left for her by Carol, biting down her bottom lip in a way to contain all the love she felt pouring out of her. She filled her cup with the fresh coffee and walked to Carol’s office. The door was slightly ajar, the only thing visible from where she was standing was the large ornamental plant near the window, a Norfolk Island Pine that grew majestically to almost touch the ceiling. She knocked once on the door frame before stepping inside, not really waiting for Carol’s response.

“Bonjour mon chaton.”

Therese felt a warmth spreading throughout her chest and into her cheeks, and a small shiver down her spine at Carol’s words.

“Hi,” she said almost sheepishly, her voice still hoarse from her sleep.

It seemed like Carol was utterly immersed in her paperwork, highlighting  some important lines and scribbling down her notebook, occasionally throwing a quick glance at her computer, so when she spoke again she never averted her eyes from her paper.

“Did you sleep well?”

“Yeah,” Therese sat on the couch in front of her, tucking one leg under the other and taking a cautious sip of the hot beverage. “Why didn’t you wake me up?”

“Darling, you’re always working late and you wake up at 6 on your days off too. You really needed the sleep.”

Therese simply hummed her response, too entranced in the details she was now starting to notice. The sun filtering through was casting part of the room in a warm glow, the long thick curtains preventing the golden light to fill the entire place. Carol’s face was illuminated by the lamp on her desk, creating a series of shadows that highlighted her already perfectly sculpted cheekbones. She told Therese that this was how she liked working; Carol found she could focus more on the tasks at hand when the small artificial light was pointing directly at her papers. Therese took a moment to gaze at Carol wearing her black framed glasses, something she had never seen outside of her class. She loved how she looked in them, but never before she had the opportunity to _really_ appreciate her like this, and with those glasses on and that maroon tailored suit she looked absolutely divine.

Therese felt acutely aware of Carol sitting behind her dark brown royal desk, her face morphed into a deep frown in concentration, the same Therese had the chance to observe during her lectures. She was captivated by the slow rhythmic swaying of her foot, clad in her polished cream stilettos. She took another sip of her coffee, hiding the increasing flush she could feel spreading down her neck behind the big ceramic mug. The grogginess and mild headache she felt when she woke up this morning, were quickly dissipating as her body was being invaded by a different type of ache.

Her mind racing, she clenched her thighs in a desperate attempt to relieve the ever-growing pressure she felt at the thought of Carol’s words, when not long ago she told her she wanted to take her on her very desk.

She had thought about it many times, but never dared to actually make the first move. Now, she felt instantly possessed by the same energy that always swept her inhibitions away, threw them out of the window when it came to Carol, the same one that had made her ask questions, had made her irresponsibly send Carol’s gloves to her apartment all those weeks ago; the same one that had guided her hand underneath her pants and brought her over the edge while sitting on a chair in Carol’s office.

And if Therese was mildly aroused before, she was now certain her shorts were soaked.

“Will you be working late…professor Aird?”

Carol’s movements came abruptly to a halt; her pen hovered over the paper completely still, and for the first time since Therese had entered her studio, she finally felt her grey-blue eyes fixed on her. Carol leaned back against the chair, one leg crossing over the other, as she studied intently the young woman in front of her. The look she was rewarding her with, while she sucked at the inner side of her cheek was piercing, magnetic and unreadable, making Therese squirm under her intense scrutiny.

“I’m afraid it will take me longer if you keep distracting me,” she paused, slightly tilting her head to one side, “Miss Belivet.”

Therese cleared her throat as she started to rotate her hips against the surface of the couch, seeking the friction she so desperately needed. It seemed like she loved to initiate things, she was bold enough to provoke Carol, but incapable of dealing with the consequences she created herself.

“Come here,” Carol said patting her leg. And Therese complied – because of course she did – rising from her seat and walking to Carol, stopping in front of her when the loud thumping of her heart prevented her to move any further.

Carol grabbed her hand in hers, slowly pulling Therese towards her until she was sitting on her, straddling her legs. Keeping her eyes fixed on Therese, Carol’s fingers slowly popped the first button of her white shirt, then the second, exposing her voluptuous cleavage and part of her satin bra to the young woman in front of her.

“How many times have you thought about this?”

Therese let out a small strangled whimper, involuntarily rubbing herself against the older woman’s legs. Carol let her hands run along Therese’s side, stopping when she reached the swell of her breasts, covered only by the thin fabric of her tank top – _her_ tank top – the one she gave Therese  the other night. Her palms traveled higher, lifting Therese’s breasts up and closer together, before she slowly, _torturously_ , brushed her hardened nipples with her thumbs.

“How many times have you thought about your professor fucking you?”  

A breathy moan escaped Therese’s mouth before she finally replied. “So many.”

“ _So_ many,” Carol repeated, her voice low and rough with her own arousal. She leaned forward closing the small distance between them, and stopped just an inch from Therese’s lips. She lingered there, completely still and agonizingly close, as if daring the girl to move.

“Get up.”

Therese didn’t waste time, quickly standing up on shaky legs and patiently waiting for Carol. The older woman looked up at her with darkened eyes, sitting almost leisurely on her leather chair, arms draped over the armrests. Therese felt a light touch at the inner side of her legs. Carol’s ankle tantalizing tracing her calf, up to her knee and her thigh, before she settled in between putting pressure where she knew Therese wanted her the most.

The dizziness she felt overtaking her body was almost too much, and with a small step backwards Therese found herself propped against the desk behind her. She felt Carol’s leg leaving its place between her wobbly limbs, suddenly missing the contact she craved.

“Turn around, hands on my desk.”

And she did, as if she’d been waiting for this all her life. She placed her sweaty palms against the red surface, careful not to scatter her things, and waited for what felt like eternity.

“Such a good student you are, Ms Belivet. Always so eager to learn.”

Therese drew in a long deep breath, closing her eyes at Carol’s words. Too lost in the scene they were creating, the warmth of Carol’s hands on her hips came as a surprise. Her heart picked up speed immediately as she felt her fingers hooking under the elastic of her pajama shorts. Carol tugged at the fabric, pulling it down only halfway and leaving the upper part of Therese’s ass exposed, her nails lightly scratching at the soft skin, and reveling in the fact that the young woman did not bother to wear panties.

She felt Carol’s hand once again sliding up along the sides of her torso, only this time she was dragging the fabric of Therese’s shirt with her. She kneaded the soft flesh of her breasts, eliciting a deep throaty moan from the brunette, while she got up from her seat positioning herself behind Therese’s back. Carol slid the tank top over her head, taking a moment to appreciate her bare back, before she resumed her touch on Therese’s breasts.

She pinched her nipples between her fingers, lightly tugging at them while she bit down Therese’s shoulder.

“Carol,” Therese groaned, a wanton and desperate sound reverberating around the room.

She felt Carol’s hand leaving her right breast, and before she had a chance to register anything else she felt a sharp, unexpected sting on her ass, where the skin was left exposed. It wasn’t hard, but certainly enough to make her yelp in surprise.

“Nuh-uh… how do you call me?”

“Professor Aird,” Therese blurted in a wavering voice, already out of breath.

One hand cradled her jaw from behind, while the other slowly slid down Therese’s body until it  dipped beneath the fabric of her shorts. “That’s right.”

When Carol buried her finger between her folds, Therese knew it wasn’t going to take long for her to _finally_ shatter; she was dripping already and even the lightest of brushes over her sensitive clit was enough to make her hips jerk uncontrollably.

Before she knew it, Carol retrieved her hand, and swiftly spun her around. She hooked Therese’s leg behind her back and carefully lowered the young woman on top of her desk, ignoring the things that started falling over the table and onto the floor with a loud clatter. Her fingers were back under the fabric, only this time she didn’t wait to tease her, and quickly entering her pussy she started to fuck her.

Shuddering, Therese covered her mouth, muffling the sound of her moans in the crook of her arm. As Carol added a third finger, she arched her back, just like she did when she was dancing on the edge of her orgasm. With a few brushes of Carol’s thumb over her clit, her eyes rolled back and she violently came.

Time slowed for Therese as she tried to steady her breath and the erratic beating of her heart. She heard Carol slump back on her seat, and her low voice calling her back to reality.

“Therese.”

She got up from the desk and suddenly she found herself on her lap, tightly wrapped in Carol’s arms, her hands caressing the skin of her back and her nose buried deep in Therese’s hair.

 

***

 

When Therese entered her class that afternoon she was high on endorphins. All the happiness and the pleasure she had experienced over the weekend making her forget anything else. She could have easily forgotten that the world existed, she had the most beautiful taste at what a life with Carol would be like, and now she knew she could never give that up; she could live in the warmth of their _bubble_ for the rest of her life. However, she knew she had been neglecting her friendship with Dannie since she started seeing Carol; she felt horrible for it, he’d always been there for her even in the darkest moments of her life, he’d always been the best friend she could ever ask for. She made a mental note to call him after the lecture was over and invite him for a cup of coffee.

That day she arrived earlier in class, Therese noticed, as she stepped inside and found that only two other students had taken their places. She found Carol leaning against her desk intently reading one of her papers, and a flush of redness spread to her cheeks as she realized she could never look at that desk ever again. As she was walking past her, Carol called her name, loud enough for her to hear it but not enough to catch the other two student’s attention.

“Take your usual seat,” Carol whispered before resuming her reading.

So she did. Therese sat on her usual chair, third row on the right, and when she was finally settled she noticed a post-it note folded in two and attached to the edge of the small table.

_What’s with this woman and her notes today?_

She took it in hand, unfolding it and reading what was written down with red ink on blue paper.

A time and an address.

 

***

 

“Carol?”

Therese called, careful to keep her voice down. She rubbed her hands together trying to get rid of the sticky sweat, and started suspiciously inspecting her surroundings. Carol had asked her to meet here, and rationally Therese knew this was a good place, secluded and distant enough from campus that the chances of running into another professor or student were almost null; still, that didn’t stop a strong wave of fear to rapidly overtake her, as if the reality of a menace had finally burst her perfect bubble. Out in the open, in such public place, she felt vulnerable and exposed as she’d never felt before.

The fabric of her shirt under her armpit must have been soaked by now, she had been sweating cold since she got out of class. She knew her body was responding this way out of fear, her unconscious thoughts utterly taking over her physiological functions – like all the energy she felt suddenly rushing to her limbs. It was the most animalistic trait of human kind; Therese knew that danger lurked around the corner, and her body was preparing to flee. The thought that someone could easily be spying on them set her on edge. The parking garage was almost deserted and particularly dark, the only source of light being the white fluorescent tubes that flickered insistently above Therese’s head.

She drew in a deep breath and took her phone out of the bag to check if there were any messages from Carol. The screen came immediately to life as she tilted the device towards her face, and found that she hadn’t received any texts. She furrowed her brows in confusion tucking the phone in her back pocket, and started searching for the post-it note that Carol had left for her in class, wanting to make sure she got the time and place right.

Just when she was about to retrieve her phone and try to get hold of Carol, she heard the unmistakable clicking sound of heels on the hard concrete pavement. Too scared to turn around, her heart started picking up speed, erratically thumping against her ribcage, as she remembered the last time she had been ambushed from behind by a tall, intimidating stranger. 

“Hey, so sorr-“

Therese turned around abruptly only to be met by the sight of her favorite golden locks.

“Jesus Christ, Carol! You – don’t ever do something like that again,” Therese gulped in a deep breath, her chest expanding widely with the new intake of oxygen, and letting it out with a long shuddering sigh.  

Carol mouthed a silent _I’m sorry_ , trying to suppress the laugh at Therese’s reaction. She had no intention of scaring her but she had to admit that seeing her so caught by surprise made her look even more adorable.

With her lips pressed in a tight line, still trying to hold back her smile, Carol gestured with her head towards the general direction of the parking garage and hooked her arm under Therese’s.

“Come with me. And please, relax. There’s no one here who could see us, okay? All the other professors park their cars on campus.”

“Yeah…” Therese breathed, her voice slightly raspy from the tightness she felt squeezing her throat. And was it even possible to be hit _this_ hard after so many days? As if it was all under the surface, waiting to finally spill out – the fear and the guilt. Was it possible to live in a state of such deep oblivion until the graveness of it all was simply too much to ignore?

It was guilt she felt, for lying to Carol, for keeping from her what she certainly had a right to know. Carol, who had done nothing but love her and give and give and give; Carol whose greatest fear was letting people in, who worked every day to overcome that inner obstacle. She had kept a secret from her, because she’d been selfish, too afraid to acknowledge what was threatening her perfect idyllic bubble.

And now, all of a sudden Carol’s touch had started to burn her skin through the fabric of her shirt, and her proximity had started to feel simply _too much_. She had never imagined she could think this, but she so desperately wanted Carol to let go of her. She took a deep breath trying to steady her nerves, to keep it all together.

They walked several steps passing a couple of big concrete pillars that divided the storey in different areas, each one with its own number painted on the surface, until Carol stopped on her tracks, took a pair of keys out of her purse and unlocked the car they were now standing in front of.

“Where’s your car?” Therese asked looking at an old black jeep, confusion written all over her face.

“This is my new car,” Carol simply stated as she climbed inside her new vehicle.

Therese quickly followed her in, settling next to her. The seats were made of a comfortable leather, but she instantly realized they were nothing compared to Carol’s old car – superior in its quality as well as in its aesthetic. “Where’s your Mercedes?”

“Why, don’t tell me it’s so important to you what car I drive,” Carol asked playfully as she leaned forward to nuzzle Therese’s neck, right under her ear lobe.

“No, of course not, just…I liked your Mercedes.”

Carol cradled Therese’s cheek as she gently bit down her jaw line. “Mmh, well…you need to get used to this one.”

“Carol…” Therese breathed, covering Carol’s hand with her own. “Why are we here?”

She brushed her thumb over Therese’s lip before she replied, her voice now soft like a soothing melody. “We’re driving home.”

 _Home_.

Therese’s heart started hammering inside her chest, her breathing became more rapid, and she could now feel hot tears burning her eyes and threatening to fall. Taking in a shuddering breath she tried to contain the sense of ever-growing nausea. She felt _sick_ , head spinning and hands shaking under the unbearable pressure of her withheld truth, like the weight of a million people standing on a crystal surface, and jumping on it insistently until the cracks would break in tiny little fragments.

Shattered by her own actions.

“I can’t do this…”

She whispered, extricating herself from Carol’s arms. And if the guilt alone wasn’t enough to break her completely, Carol’s wide blue eyes looking at her with tentative hurt was what finally made her crumble, so tears rolled freely down her cheeks.

“Therese…”

“I need to tell you something.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TO BE CONTINUED...
> 
> Hearing your thoughts would help me immensely!!! <3


	14. Ghosts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is completely from Carol's POV, and it's probably the most intense I've ever written so far. She deals with a lot of different emotions and it might not make sense at first, but this is how I feel she would react. Carol is a strong character hiding her own fragility, and she's flawed, but I love her for this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Infinitely grateful for all of your support!!! <3

“I can’t do this anymore…”

The perpetual smile she had on her face since she saw her slowly disappeared, and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t stop her heart from beating erratically against her chest and loud in her ears. It didn’t make sense, the words didn’t make sense, so she kept reciting them in her head over and over again, like a mantra, making those words bounce off the walls of her brain hoping they’d change in the process. They sounded so foreign, coming from Therese’s mouth they sounded a cacophonous verbalization, yet she was burnt by their familiarity.

And even though, deep down she was prepared for them, had acknowledged the possibility of those words being uttered since they started this, she certainly didn’t expect them to come so early. She felt as if her heart was being squeezed in a tight fist that only released its grip to keep her blood pumping into her system. She felt as if a millions of claws were dipping into her flesh, scratching her skin wide open.

A second had passed, maybe two. Still, it felt like eternity. Her body felt numb; they could have pinched her, they could have slapped her, and she still wouldn’t have felt a thing. But Therese’s fingers closing around her wrist, moving Carol’s hand away – the one that was still placed in the curve of her neck – _that_ felt like a hundred knives.

It didn’t matter how many times she’d experienced this, nor that she had prepared for it day after day. She had been playing all the possible scenarios in which she could have heard these words; she had prepared her lines, estimated her reaction and worked her way through it –  all in her  head . She had been rehearsing the moment of her undoing. It didn’t matter though, nothing had truly prepared her for this, not her long-time experience in shutting out her emotions, and certainly not her choice of self-deprivation.

A solitary tear rolled down Therese’s cheek. It grew silently in her eyes to a thick drop of crystalline water, until it couldn’t be contained anymore and finally broke free. She wanted to reach out, wipe it away and brush her thumb over that soft spot, and prevent others from falling, because despite it all, despite the claws still spearing her own heart, Therese crying like that was still something too heartbreaking to watch. But she didn’t. Too afraid to be scalded again, she didn’t reach out. Because she knew that feeling, the one that came with rejection – first emotional then physical. And she knew it hurt, it had hurt in the past, so she didn’t even try to fathom how much worse it’d be if the woman rejecting her was Therese.

 

***

**_1997_ **

The afternoon sun filtering through the windows, and cascading down her body was pleasantly warming her skin of her exposed back. It felt comforting, the way it enveloped her almost like a blanket, and relaxing in the way that this sensation soothed her. Her fingers caressed the skin of the body underneath her, soft and smooth like a rose petal. She liked having her hands on Lily, tracing the lines and feeling the curves of the woman she loved, hugging her like the way she was doing now – Carol’s head on top of her belly and her arms encircling her tightly.

She loved how the smell of the fresh sheets, and the sweet scent of her mixed together and filled her nose, how it coated her skin and marked her body; she loved how the smell of sex still lingered in the air, and how the dull, delicious ache between her legs was a pleasant reminder of their love making.

She listened to the rhythmic rise and fall of the body under her head. To Carol, it felt like a lullaby, it anchored her to the moment and gave her a strong sense of calmness, some of the things that her life had been lacking for quite some time. But then it changed, the steady breathing stopped and gave way to deeper, irregular intakes of air.

Carol looked up, her chin resting just under Lily’s breast bone. The face of the other woman was contorted in what looked like pain, tears trickling down her face and leaving a wet trail to her ears.

“What’s wrong?”

Carol felt the body she had her arms wrapped around suddenly sliding its way out of her embrace. The woman sat on the edge of the mattress, Lily’s naked back facing her. Carol reached out, her hand gently brushing the skin of her hip, before she closed her fingers around her arm.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“What for?”

She watched as Lily abruptly got up from the bed leaving Carol’s hand empty mid-air. She picked the clothes that were left scattered all over the floor, and dressed in a haste. The words that were spoken next hit her like a tidal wave that enveloped her, and pulled her down into the abyss; it knocked the breath out of her lungs and let her drown.

“I can’t do this anymore.”

 

***

 

“Therese.”

She couldn’t hear her own voice, she didn’t hear the sound of Therese’s name coming out of her mouth, yet she was sure it cracked on the last syllable, if the tightness she felt constricting her throat was any indication. She was prepared – of course she was prepared – but the thought of having Therese utter another word made her weak. She considered getting out of the car, walk towards an unknown destination, far from here and the face of yet another lover crashing her heart under their palms. She couldn’t bear that image burnt in her memory for the rest of her life.

“I need to tell you something.”

Carol drew in a shuddering breath, and fixed her eyes firmly on Therese, studying her expression, the face of a woman who trembled in fear, as if _she_ was bracing herself for Carol’s reaction. Against every fiber of her being, she took Therese’s hand in hers, and squeezed gently in reassurance.

Therese’s brows furrowed, creating that line she so desperately loved, the one she could spend hours tracing with her fingers; the one she had secretly drawn the other night when they were in bed, with Therese peacefully asleep next to her. She had that adorable pout on her face, so lost in the mysterious world of her dreams, that Carol couldn’t help but try to immortalize it on paper.

And now here she was, wondering if that was going to be the last time she would lay eyes on her.

“Someone…” Therese trailed off, taking a long, deep breath before she could continue. “Carol, I don’t know how to tell you this.”

The young woman looked at her with pleading eyes, looking for encouragement. She looked for a reason to go on, looked for something in Carol that told her this was okay, that everything was going to be _fine_. Nevertheless, no words came out of Carol’s mouth, too intent on finding strength for herself.

Therese sighed and turned her body away from Carol, while her eyes were fixed on her fidgeting hands.

“A man approached me… I think  almost a week ago. He showed me a file… names, addresses, they were all linked to you. He had a list of your students, and obviously my name was on it, because he knew…” Her voice cracked. She covered her face with her hands, furiously brushing away the stream of fresh tears cascading down her cheeks. “Carol, he knows you’re my professor.”

Carol let out a wavering breath in relief, loud enough that it made Therese suddenly look up. She covered her mouth as tears she didn’t know she still had in her welled up out of eyes. But the lightness she was feeling at the realization that Therese wasn’t here to end their relationship, was immediately swept away, as the heavy weight of something else wrapped itself around her.

“A week…”

Therese raised her head and met Carol’s piercing gaze. She looked as the hurt that invaded her blue eyes before, slowly turned into a cold stare, incredulity crossing her face.

As the need for air and space became too unbearable, Carol got out of the car, closing the door in a desperate attempt to distance herself even more from the young woman. She breathed in the nauseating smell of gasoline that had probably spilled from the tanks of some cars onto the concrete pavement. With each intake of air, her mind became more clear, as if the physical distance between them had allowed her to sort through the myriad of emotions that were chaotically swirling through her mind like a tornado.

The dull thud of a closing door resounded throughout the wide space of the parking garage. She turned around to face her, and looked at her as if she didn’t quite believe what Therese had done – kept living her life as if nothing had happened.

“I’m so sorry.”

“What for?” Carol’s face was almost expressionless, her voice unwavering, as she tilted her head fixing her eyes on Therese. “Sorry that you were lying to me when I told you that I love you? That you _knew_ …you knew about this when you let me touch you for the first time? Sorry that you felt the need to keep this from me for an entire week, Therese?” Carol shrugged and shook her head. “What are you sorry for?”

“Everything. I’m just… I’m sorry.”

“What is it that you felt? You couldn’t trust me enough, or you thought this just wasn’t worth mentioning?”

Therese crossed the space that separated them in a couple of long, decisive strides. Her demeanor had drastically changed. Carol could see how she had steeled herself preparing for a fight – a fight she had no intention to start; she could see barriers being erected in defense, and her beautiful, delicate features being shaped in what looked like resentment.

“No. I don’t know what I was thinking Carol,” Therese’s voice came out louder than her usual tone, and harsh with frustration. “I fucked up maybe because I was too scared of losing you. I fucked up, okay? I did, and I’m sorry, but maybe now you can understand what it feels like.”

Carol was taken aback by the sudden twist in Therese’s argument. “What’s that suppose to mean?”

“It means that _you_ have made not talking into an art.”

She stared at her for what felt like hours, before she closed her eyes and focused on keeping her breathing leveled. That hurt like a punch to her guts, and although she fought to keep the hurt under the surface, the cracking sound of her voice when she spoke her next words was what miserably failed her. “That’s not fair.”

Therese scoffed at her, crossing her arms in front of her chest. “Why? You seem to like it so much.”

“You know, this is not about you Therese, and you would have known if you had decided to talk to me. You’re being mean and _puerile_ because you can’t handle the consequences of your own actions, so you need to balance your mistakes with mine, but the difference Therese, is that I’ve acknowledged my faults and asked for your understanding, I’ve asked for your forgiveness, and I am trying. I’m trying to be better for you, meanwhile you were fine lying straight to my face for over a _fucking_ week!”

“I can’t believe this…” Therese said taking a step backwards. “Did you even hear what I said? I’m here telling you that someone has followed me... he-he found me and threatened me to expose our relationship, and all you can think about is that I didn’t tell you before,” Therese shook her head looking at Carol in disbelief before she continued. “Why aren’t you upset? Why aren’t you even _surprised_?”

“Because this is not the first time,” Carol shouted. Her low, gravelly voice reverberated through the empty space of the parking garage, and it scared her how fast this was escalating, how fast she could see herself losing it. “You’re not the first, this is not the first time, okay?”

 

***

 

Therese had walked out on her the moment she admitted the truth. The most feared truth she possessed, the one that dictated every action she made, every decision she took. The one that had caged her years ago, and changed the most profound parts in her forever. The truth that this was what she was destined. She wanted to scream, she wanted to _feel_. But the monotonous repetition of the same old scene, the deep-rooted knowledge of what was going to happen, had rendered her motionless.

So, when Therese had asked her if she knew about this, she simply did not respond – she couldn’t. She had stared at her, as she watched everything else unfold before her eyes. She already knew how this was going to end. Therese was still with her, and despite the sense of betrayal that came with the lies, deep down Carol was aware of the fact that Therese had chosen to _stay_. This week, the most beautiful and special week she’d ever had in her life, Therese had stayed, and Carol couldn’t love her more. Still, she was also sure that the pressure, the constant, incessant threats that her father was going to subject Therese to, would inevitably take its toll on the young woman, and scare her away –  this time for good. And if she had been strong and brave enough, Carol would have let her go already, but the ugly truth was that she simply wasn’t. Her mind and all of her energy would keep on grasping at the fading reality of their relationship for as long as she was allowed to.

As she entered her apartment, she was immediately struck by how empty that place was. It looked hideous, dark in that warm, yet gelid, summer evening. Her face was twisted in a grimace, she felt disgusted – even the distinctive, familiar smell of her own home disgusted her. A black and grey piece of fabric draped over the back of the sofa caught her attention. Her t-shirt, the one Therese had been using these last three days, the one that had absorbed her scent, and that Carol was sure still retained the warmth of her body.

She took the piece of clothing in hand, and fought the irresistible urge to bring it close to her nose and inhale her perfume; instead she walked into her room, and opened one of the drawers of her dresser that she’d emptied last night, when Therese wasn’t looking. It was were it belonged, not in her closet anymore, but in the drawer she had specially cleaned out for Therese because she couldn’t see the girl not being part of her everyday life anymore. And now she regretted not finding the time to show it to her before.

Her vision blurred as hot tears gathered in her eyes. She tried to swallow the tightness in her throat, she tried to prevent her bottom lip from trembling, but she couldn’t. The air she was drawing in wasn’t nearly enough to quell the ache in her chest, and Carol looked down at her shaky hands, almost as if she didn’t believe that _this_ could be her; almost as if the concept of breaking down was utterly foreign to her. A strangled sob escaped her lips, a raw and animalistic sound that filled the space of her room, and sent shivers down her spine, then her legs finally gave out under the pain and the exhaustion.

When the wrecking sobs subsided, she found the last ounce of strength, and walked to her bed where she cried herself to sleep.

 

***

 

“Lily wait!”

Carol crossed the sidewalk in a couple of strides trying to catch her before she reached the cab. The big, bulky backpack hit her lower back with each quick step; it was heavy and the leather strap kept uncomfortably digging into her shoulder, but she didn’t care.

“Carol, what are you doing here?”

“You stormed out of my apartment three days ago and never returned my calls. Can you at least tell me what’s going on?”

Lily stuck out her arm as she saw an unmistakable yellow car approaching. Her heart was pounding erratically against her ribcage, and tears started forming in her eyes as she realized she wasn’t even going to be spared a glance.

“I love you.”

“Tell your father that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, we are going to find out more in the next chapters!
> 
> So, what have you guys gotten from this?  
> Ps. Unfortunately, from now on I'm not going to have the same amount of free time for writing, the chapters will continue to be update, but I was wondering if you'd rather have shorter weekly chapters, or my usual lenght but updated less frequently?


	15. Catch Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I finally managed to write this chapter and I'm infinitely sorry for this long wait, but I've been utterly overwhelmed over the last month, and I've struggled with a severe case of writer's block!
> 
> I really hope you enjoy this <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize in advance for any typo/mistake but I really needed to post this otherwise I feel like it could have been another month before I could upload it!

It was the first time in four days that she’d woken up alone. Over the last year she had grown used to falling asleep in an empty bed, to roll over the other side of the mattress and find the sheets there cold and untouched. It used to feel comforting, knowing she didn’t have to share her bed with her husband, it used to give her a sense of calmness and priceless safety. However, when this morning she reached her arm out to her right, unconsciously expecting to be met with the warmth of Therese’s body, her heart constricted bringing fresh tears to her already burning eyes.

Images of last night flooded her mind; the words that Therese had uttered to her rang in her ears. She was right. Therese was right, the young woman had finally dared to call her out on the part of herself she was the most ashamed of. Her past and the cowardice that everything related to it had brought. The lost lovers, the sleepless nights, and the painful memories had shaped her into what she could only define as a ghost. Fear and anxiety had gnawed at her until she could do nothing but hide, finding shelter in the darkness, and comfort in a relationship that she knew could never really hurt her.

As long as she didn’t care, as long as she didn’t get attached, there was nothing that could ever bring her pain again. Harge had represented that for some time, along with the string of meaningless flings she’d had with dozens of nameless girls. She had swore she wouldn’t find herself torn by yet another heartbreak, and now here she was – vulnerable and exposed like never before – but the love she had nurtured for Therese was simply too much to be contained, it warmed her and tingled her skin waiting to be set free, ready to finally be released.

It scared her, and she couldn’t help the images of Therese walking away, but she had found resolution in yesterday’s tears. She would fight for the young woman and give her a reason to _stay_.

The sun was still waiting to rise up in the sky, but the room was already illuminated by the pale blues of dawn. Carol got up from bed, and putting on her robe she walked down the hallway to the kitchen, badly needing her morning fix of coffee. While she waited for it to brew, she went to the bathroom and quickly freshened up. Her reflection in the mirror was hideous; with red puffy eyes, dark blue circles, and mascara stained cheeks she looked so much older than her actual age. A sense of deep self-consciousness invaded her at the thought of Therese seeing her like this – a woman who bared so many scars.

Carol splashed some gelid water on her face, getting rid of any traces from the other night. She took a deep breath fixing her gaze in the mirror before she got ready for the day.

 

***

 

The crunching of tires on the gravel road filled the small space of her car as she entered the private driveway. A palatial, brick-built mansion sat at the end of the street behind a tall and decorated iron gate, secluded among the many trees surrounding the house. The first things Carol noticed approaching the building were half a dozen cars parked in a semi-circular line, invading the property and forcing her to park her own far from the entrance. Her heart was beating erratically against her chest, and never averting her gaze from the opulent residence she rummaged in her purse for her package of cigarettes. She never smoked inside her car, she had always detested the stale odor that still lingered after the flames were extinguished. However, today she could make an exception.

After finishing her cigarette, she climbed out of the car looking up at the towering building, trying to remember when was the last time she had been here.

The front mahogany door was unsurprisingly unlocked. Stepping inside the house Carol was immediately hit by the familiar smell of polished wood floors and antique books. She looked around, taking in her surroundings, and found the big living room on the left filled with a crowd of well-dressed strangers, mainly middle-aged men in what looked like fairly expensive suits. Some of them were sitting around the table, pens and papers sprawled all over the surface, others were furiously tapping at their laptops. A tall elegant woman, dressed in maroon tailored trousers and a white button-up, was pacing down the long corridor leading to the living area, followed by a young man with a clipboard in hand who Carol presumed must have been her intern.

The house looked chaotic yet perfectly tidied up. A large-sized poster in the far corner of the room, just behind the staircase, caught Carol’s attention. Red and blue colors, and a name in white were printed on the paper, with a blow-up face staring right back at her.

She hated it, she hated everything about this, and how small and impotent it all made her feel. Not even a full minute in this house and she could already sense the demons creeping up her spine, the fears and insecurities that made her feel sixteen all over again, as if bent and subjected to an invisible force.

Carol could feel a tension in her jaw and in her muscles, making her neck and back painfully stiff. She surely hadn’t expected to be doing this all over again, hadn’t expected to found herself in this situation, yet here she was, turning a corner and walking through the door of a badly lit busy studio.

She stood there for what felt like forever before she was met with his somber expression from behind his French ebonised desk. The look on his face told her he wasn’t surprised to see her here. Two motionless bodies facing each other among the loud crowd of strangers.

His gravelly voice cut through the indistinct chatter of undisturbed people, silencing the room with a few words.

“Everybody, go take a break.”

Nobody acknowledged her presence before they dutifully left the studio leaving Carol alone with the man whose eyes were kept firmly fixed on her. Despite the stiffness in her neck and the irregular beating of her heart, she still managed to square her jaw and keep her head held high, for the last thing she wanted was letting her father know how much he could still affect her.

He took a few steps until he was standing in front of a floor to ceiling window, his hands laced together behind his back, while he looked out at the expanse of the front yard.

“I see you’ve changed car since the last time you bothered to visit.”

Beneath his pretence of a small talk was cold indifference, and although she was well acquainted with how this worked, she simply didn’t want to play along

“Why don’t you take a seat? It’s not good manner to be standing like that on the doorway.”

“This won’t take long.”

He turned his head to fix his gaze on her, a challenging look appearing on his heavily lined face. “Why are you here then?”

_Mercy._

“I want you to stop. Whatever it is you’re doing this time, stop it.”

 “You’re here for that girl, I thought that was sorted out… Therese, is that right?”

“Leave her alone.”

 “You know I can’t do that Caroline,” he said with a long exhale as he sat on the chair behind his desk. “I tried to teach you. I tried to make you understand that _this_ family comes first…but you’ve always diverged, always been the deviant one. Selfish. Putting your impulses before the sake of this family.”

Carol scoffed at his remark crossing her arms in front of her chest. “I’m not part of it. Not anymore.”

“Oh but you are. You’re living in a house _I_ have bought for you, working a job you landed thanks to the education _I_ have paid for. How does that not make you part of the family?”

Carol opened her mouth to reply, to tell him that she would gladly give it all up, that all those materialistic things she had clung to for so long in a desperate attempt to fill that empty void did not matter anymore, but she was immediately cut short by her father’s quick rebuke.

“Anything you do will inevitably taint our reputation.”

“I’m not a child,” Carol growled, uncrossing her arms and taking a decisive step forward, trying to assert some level of control in this situation. “I don’t see how my private life could still affect your reputation.”

“Don’t play dumb with me Caroline! Do you really think I don’t know what you’ve been up to? That you’ve been seeing one of your students… a girl half your age,” he trailed off, his face twisted in a grimace of disgust. “Or what kind of _places_ you’ve been visiting? This is you being your usual self trying to spite me by doing everything that goes against the sacred values of this family, and I won’t risk my career for your own personal whims.”

It has always been like this. Harge, her father, they would always diminish her deepest feelings as nothing more than a casual fling – a caprice.

She hadn’t planned on showing her vulnerability today, yet the words she spoke next had left her mouth as if they _needed_ to be set free.

“I love her.”

“It’s an abomination!”

She merely blinked at his words. The many times he’d thrown them at her had rendered her almost immune – or at least she knew how to mask the inevitable pain.

“Can you imagine what would happen if the people of this country knew that _my_ daughter, a married woman, is having an affair with her female student, who’s barely old enough to even put alcohol in her system and works a job that is as degrading as it can get.”

“Don’t. Talk about her,” she stressed each word through gritted teeth.

“Just…let it be Caroline…let her go. The sooner the better. You already know how this is going to end eventually. She’ll get sick of it and leave. They always do.”

“Therese…she won’t.”

“They always do,” he repeated.

She turned around wanting to get away from him as fast as she could. She didn’t know what she had expected to accomplish when she came here today, perhaps she hoped that after all those years he would _finally_ let her be, yet his resolution seemed as unrelenting as ever; the several campaign posters hanging on the walls around her telling her he won’t be backing down.

“Caroline,” he called stopping her in her tracks. “You know all I ever wanted was what’s best for us.”

She sighed. Mere minutes in her father’s presence were always enough to exhaust her. “I can’t remember a time when you didn’t hate me.”

“But you’re still my daughter… if I were you I would be more concerned about _others_ and how your behavior would affect their interests.”

 

***

 

She had been miserable all day. Since she woke up this morning she had felt nothing but a constant nausea and a tight grip in her stomach. She had tried to think about anything that wasn’t Carol, busying herself with some overdue house chores, or attempting at studying for her final exams before graduation. She had even tried to draw, grabbed a 2B pencil and her sketchbook and tried to pour it all out on paper; unsuccessfully so because every time she tried to envision the final result her mind would be violently attacked by images of the blonde woman.

Carol peacefully sleeping beside her in bed, plumped lips slightly parted and her hand gently covering her face; Carol laughing at one of  Therese’s terrible jokes, which she knew were far from being good yet the woman could always manage to find the hidden funny side in Therese;

Carol telling her I love you;

Carol looking at her with that sense of disappointment and utter betrayal; Carol yelling at her or asking her to leave.

That drawing had never made it on paper, instead pieces of her sketchbook were now lying crumpled up and abandoned on the cold hardwood floor of her apartment.

Just when she was about to go take a shower she heard a soft knock on the door. She was sure of who it was, she could feel it deep in her bones, so when she swung the door open she wasn’t a bit surprised to see her standing there.

“Ask me,” Carol whispered with pleading eyes.

“What?”

“Everything. I want to tell you everything Therese, I’m done with this. I want you to know…” Her voice cracked on that last word and Therese wondered if she had been crying. “I want you to know me.”

 

***

They were now sitting across from each other at the kitchen’s small island. Therese had made them hot coffee which they drank in uncomfortable silence – neither of them knowing where to begin. Therese studied her, and the more she studied her the more she was certain that Carol, had in fact, been crying. It was the small tremble of her hands and her bloodshot eyes giving her away.

“You said I’m not the first. What does that mean?” Therese finally asked breaking the heavy silence.

Carol took in a deep shuddering breath, only to let it all out in a long exhale – an evident attempt at calming her nerves. Her brows were furrowed and her bottom lip was insistently trapped between her teeth, making Therese wonder if she was even aware of the pain she certainly must had been causing.

“Car-“

“Do you have anything stronger?”

“Uhm…” Therese instantly turned around and started rummaging in one of the kitchen’s cupboards. Moving out of the way some glasses she found the bottle that she kept stored in the far back of the cabinet. “Vodka?”

“That’d be good,” Carol replied with a quick nod.

Therese poured half inch of the distilled beverage in one long glass, but the expecting look on Carol’s face told her it clearly wasn’t enough, so she poured some more and slid the drink across the table.

“You’re gonna make me drink alone?”

Therese crossed her arms in front of her chest. She was definitely in no mood for some booze, in fact, she had already a pounding headache from her sleepless night which she didn’t intend to aggravate.

“I’m good,” Therese knew she sounded cold and clipped, and although she didn’t want anything more than having Carol opening up to her, she also couldn’t stop some resentment from seeping through.

Carol nodded and glanced down at her glass. She stayed silent for a few seconds, and Therese patiently waited for her to finally find the courage to speak.

“I was seventeen the first time I’ve been with a girl. We met in boarding school during the summer before she started college. She was my first crush, my first time, and eventually my first love,” Carol trailed off shaking her head. “At least that’s what I thought it was at that age… my father found out about us a few months later…”

“How?”

“Caught us making out in my room,” Carol said with a small humorless smile.

Therese hissed, imagining what it must had been like for teenage Carol. “What happened next?”

“Got confined to my house for the following six months. No parties, no practice, no phone. Just school…and church.”

“What about her?”

“By the time I was no longer grounded and free to leave the house she had already found someone else… a guy,” Carol shrugged as if she was telling the most natural thing in the world. Then downed the last of her drink and resumed her story.

“Once I started college I thought it would have been easier… with living alone and away from my father, so I started dating again. I met this girl… Lily. I was in love with her.”

Therese felt an unexpected pang in her chest. Carol’s words invaded her with a strange sense of jealousy she did not want to feel. It was absurd, she was talking about a relationship she had decades ago, yet the thought of another woman having the key to Carol’s heart made her tremendously sad, because the deep sense of inadequacy and incapability of making Carol open up was still lurking around the corner.

But whenever she was losing herself yet again in self-doubt, Carol was always there to catch her. It was her ability to _perceive_ Therese’s most profound thoughts and insecurities that made her feel so indissolubly connected to her. And as if sensing this turmoil too, Carol slid her arm across the surface taking Therese’s hand in hers and squeezing reassuringly.

“It’s different. _You_ are different.”

“I didn’t mean – “

“Therese…” Carol gently stroked her skin with her thumb. “What I have with you, it’s something I’ve never had with anyone else…not even close.”

She wondered when she would stop to second guess Carol’s feelings and finally start believing her unconditionally. Today though, she could only see pure sincerity behind those blue eyes.

“Tell me more…”

“We’d been together for five months, Lily and I… then she just… disappeared.”

“Without a word?” Therese asked incredulously.

“She told me to ask my father.”

“Carol…” Therese wasn’t sure what Carol was trying to tell her, the magnitude beneath her words, but she found she didn’t like the implication.

“At first I didn’t understand…I confronted him, but he never confirmed… nor denied, so I thought she had to have made it all up. But then every time it was all the same, they would just leave… no matter how far I went Therese, no matter how I old I was, this…it would never stop and there was just nothing I could do.”

Carol retrieved a pack of cigarettes from her purse. She lighted one up and started absentmindedly pacing  the floor.

“So I stopped.”

Therese wasn’t sure what exactly Carol was referring to. Waiting for the older woman to continue she walked around the counter and sat on the stool that had been occupied by Carol only moments ago, already hating the physical distance she had put between them.

“A few years later I met Harge at a Christmas party. He was nice enough… he liked me and I liked him. It felt easy… and by that time I had completely lost interest in any romantic relationship with another woman.”

Therese’s expression changed from a look of confusion into one of realization. Her mouth fell open just slightly so, and any attempt at forming some words of comfort, or whatever it was that she could provide in a situation like this, turned into a miserable failure.

Carol had stopped pacing and was now facing the younger woman as if gauging her reaction, with the cigarette in one hand and her drink cradled against her chest.

“I’ve always been so cheerful and joyous,” she then continued. “I used to revel in the possibility of something new, I used to feel like I could thrive just from experiencing the world that surrounded me… all my future stretched out ahead of me…you would have liked me back then.”

At that, Therese’s head shot up.

“I like you now,” she said. Her expression morphed into one of shock; utter disbelief dripping from her words.

“It’s like all of a sudden I didn’t feel comfortable in the light anymore, the exposure frightened me, I became afraid, like I could only exist in darkness and anonymity.”

“The club…”

Carol nodded, averting her eyes away from the young girl, and trying to hide the shadows of shame. Therese could see it in her eyes, she could read her as if she had been stripped naked right in front of her, what Carol didn’t seem to have the courage to reveal.

“But you said…you told me-“

“I know.”

“Then why did you lie to me?” Therese asked in an harsh tone. She wasn’t angry. She was deeply hurt by the fact that Carol had felt the need to keep secrets from her before she even got a chance to know her name. Even when hidden away behind the anonymity of a mask.

“And what? Let you know what a cheating bastard I was? What kind of person I had become? Therese… your opinion already meant more than anyone else’s in this world. You were there, kind as always, listening to me… _really_ listening to me, even when you didn’t know me and your idea of me still wasn’t tainted by my past… by the things I’ve done. It was good, and I felt real, and I felt like myself for the first time in years. I didn’t want to ruin it.”

Therese was furious – furious because she had not even been given a chance to prove her wrong. To prove Carol she could be above it all, that she could see past all those tragic events that Carol seemed to think were there to define her, to make her uglier, or less worthy. She was furious yet she couldn’t help but loving her more, if that was even humanly possible.

“I wouldn’t have thought less of you, Carol. Those things don’t matter to me.”

It was the truth. They didn’t matter to her – nothing mattered except for Carol – and it terrified Therese.

She felt a solitary tear falling from the corner of her eye, and before she knew it Carol was standing in front of her brushing it away. She placed both her hands on Therese’s face gently tilting her head back as she placed a soft kiss on the young woman’s cheek, just where that tear had left its long wet trail.

“I know that now.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The conversation between Carol and Therese is far from over. Next chapter will start right from where we left!  
> I'm dying to know your thoughts on this, I know it might bring some questions! Let me know what you think, I've missed talking to you guys <3


	16. Catch Me Pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Long chapter to make up for the awful delay of these last two ones.  
> There's definetely some angst in this one, but don't worry everything's gonna be fine. Remember, no matter how hard it may seem for our Carol and Therese, they will always find their way back to each other!  
> In this chapter we get to experience multiple points of view, because I thought it would help give a more complete and dynamic understanding of what is going on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure I'll be able to post before christmas, so if we don't see each other before that, happy holidays and merry christmas. For those who are still single like me, may these final days of 2018 bring you your Carol/Therese, and for those who are already madly in love, I hope you spend the most beautiful holidays together <3

**Three months ago:**

In the several years she’d been attending this place, never once before had she felt so much at ease as she had been feeling lately, casually chatting with the girl of the club. _Bunny_. She had started to experience the unfamiliar warmth of affection whenever she thought about her. It had been months now since they started talking on a regular basis, and if she used to step foot in this place only a few times a month with one mere purpose in mind, now she felt irresistibly drawn to it, for reasons she couldn’t even begin to make sense of. And the more time she spent with the girl, the more an ever-growing dualism between light and darkness seemed to tighten its grip around her.

As seconds, hours, days passed in her presence, Carol found it exponentially hard to hold the girl’s gaze. Those bright emerald eyes bore a hole in her chest with the force of a storm. She felt scrutinized and stripped of her disguise, as if she could see right into her, read her mind and the most profound of secrets; this strange girl hidden behind a mask who seemed to know her way past Carol’s own. It terrified her, and for the very first time she felt ashamed, because even though they were only strangers in the night, Carol realized unexpectedly that she could never let this girl close enough to see her shadows. All she really wanted was to look good in her eyes; to be all of the light and none of the darkness. Which is probably why, when asked if she indulged in any of those _activities_ that this club made available, Carol had made it sound as if it was something that belonged to a distant past, or why she made sure that those damn moments of transgression only happened on the girl’s days off.

Long before they started talking, before Carol even knew the color of her eyes, and the sound of her voice – a sound that was able to evoke the _image_ of the beautiful shade of a lilac, or the sweet _smell_ of honey – before all of this, she already felt a sense of shame and modesty whenever she caught the girl furtively glancing at her, something she had never experienced in her life, and certainly not behind the brick-walls of this club. But that look of inadequacy – of not belonging – that made the girl seem so out of place, that made her look _different_ from the rest, caused in Carol the strongest of turmoil – as if this random girl’s opinion meant more than anyone else’s.

She had stopped for some time. The fucking, and the excruciating quest for dominance she had abandoned herself to long ago. It had always been a matter of _control_ after all, the need to feel like she was in control of her own life, but the closer she got to the young stranger the faster she felt it slip away. The first time she hopped again on that familiar sexual carousel was surprisingly easy, but she certainly didn’t expect the feeling of remorse that had attacked her the moment she found herself in front of _her_ the very next day. 

So here she was now, a little less than a month later, overcome by the inexplicable need to hide her true self from a stranger – a stranger that paradoxically felt all too familiar – because the girl (who Carol already knew was a curious creature) had more questions. And so, when that curiosity led the girl to probe a bit further into her personal space and to ask again about her ‘adventures’ at the club, Carol had masterfully produced her lie; yes, she had engaged in certain activities, but she had put an end to them years before – before she got married, and long before the girl had ever worked at the club. Carol had no idea how she managed to look her in the eyes throughout the reckless conception of this steaming pile of bullshit, but she did and she regretted doing so the moment those words left her mouth. And yet, even though the lie tasted foul on her tongue, even the idea of this young woman knowing who she truly was caused her stomach to turn and the back of her throat to close over.

 

***

 

The arms holding her close felt simply too tight, or too warm, she wasn’t sure. Her mind was flooded with the most unwelcome images of Carol and some faceless girls. She did not care; the way Carol conducted her life before they got together was none of her business, Therese was aware of that. It wasn’t the fact that Carol had sex at the club, she already knew that, and it never bothered her – why would it? But the knowledge that all of this happened in a much more recent period than she thought deeply unsettled her. And she couldn’t help it. She couldn’t stop the images of Carol’s hands touching another woman like _that_ , images of other hands touching Carol’s body. _Did she let herself be touched the way she never did with me?_

Suddenly she felt a sharp pang in her chest at the realization that she was only the latest in a long line of sexual partners, the latest to enter her life after the other women who Carol had loved before her.

“I…Why are you telling me this now?” Therese asked, hardening her demeanor despite the feeling of herself crumbling inside. She got out of Carol’s embrace, wanting to regain some distance and as she walked back around the kitchen counter she noticed the saddened expression that Therese’s simple rejection of Carol’s proximity had caused.

“My father…” she started cautiously. “I don’t know what he’s gonna offer you to keep you away from me, but I want to make sure that if you choose to stay…that you _really_ know me. I don’t want you to be with some constructed façade that I myself created. I want you to choose me despite all of this.”

Therese’s mind was a whirlwind. She knew Carol was talking because she could hear, she could see her lips moving and her chest expanding with each intake of air, but she wasn’t _listening_. All her attention was solely focused on those damn images her brain was wickedly creating.

“So, these women you’ve…slept with, they meant nothing,. It was just sex… right?”

“Yes,” Carol tried to keep her voice leveled.

“But you stopped when we got together…”

“Therese!” Carol exclaimed shocked. Eyes wide and mouth gaping, she looked like she’d just been punched in the guts. “How can you be unsure about that?” Her hand was clutching at her stomach while she looked at the younger woman with the saddest expression she’d ever seen.

But Therese was having none of it. Her prodding questions kept coming out fast and unrelenting.

“Then when did you stop and why did you start again?”

“Years ago when I fell in love with someone.”

Therese took a step back. Utter shock written all over her place. “With one of those girls?” She asked gasping as if she got the wind knocked out of her lungs.

“No! Of course not… that’s not – no, Therese… It was Abby, my friend.”

“Abigail Gerhard.”

It wasn’t a question. Therese remembered Abby very well. She had been nice with her when she met her, she thought she was a good friend of Carol. Little did she know they had shared so much more than a simple friendship. She kept telling herself she didn’t care, it didn’t matter – and it really didn’t. But it was so excruciatingly hard to think about everything that Carol was, every aspect she deliberately chose to hide from her.

Only now she realized with burning anguish that Carol had a whole life before her. That raw, irrational side of her made Therese feel jealous, and longing for something that she simply couldn’t have been there to experience, nostalgia for a life she had never lived. A deep sense of melancholy washed over her knowing it was all out of her control, that, after all, it was no one’s fault. But then the sorrow soon turned into cold bitterness, because she _had to_ have someone to blame, she had to make sense of something so cosmically unjust.

The words tumbled out of her mouth before she could stop them. She felt them slip out of her parted lips with the ferocity of a storm, while the rational part in her wanted to grab them, shove them in her mouth, and swallow them back. She knew it was unfair of her to ask, knew that in spite of the lies Carol didn’t deserve such humiliation, yet she couldn’t help them.

“How many have you fucked?”

“W-what?”

“How many?” She asked again raising her voice, in a way that it was so unlike her. “You said you wanted me to know all of you, right? Maybe we should have this conversation, I’ll go first… just one, and that’s you. But I’m sure you already knew that.”

Therese motioned Carol to speak, to satiate her hunger for more. More images, more pain, more damage. Carol looked at her pleadingly, her eyes alive like never before, filled with such intense emotions that Therese could almost _feel_ them pouring out of Carol’s eyes and into her body.

“I don’t know,” was all she said.

Therese stared back at her coldly. She didn’t know what she was supposed to do with this information now that Carol had admitted it. She wanted to say she felt anger or disappointment, but in reality she only felt like a fool.

“I don’t know what to say Carol,” she said with little to no emotion in her, exhaustion finally taking her over. They let a long silence fill the small space of Therese’s living room before she spoke again.

“You should go.”

Carol stayed rooted to her spot, immobile like an old white marble statute in a museum, and by the way she was standing there, under the warm glow of the sunshine seeping through the window, her beautiful ivory skin looked made of the finest marble; almost translucent while reflecting the golden light, Therese could admire the blue and purple map of her veins, and the most beautiful constellation of freckles adorning her prominent cheekbones.

She made it so hard to be looked at, even harder to ask her to leave.

Carol didn’t flinch. Not one of her muscles had been moved, so much so that if it wasn’t for the moisture gathering in her deep blue eyes Therese would have had thought she hadn’t hear her.

“I love you.”

Carol whispered in a voice that was strangled by emotions. She uttered the words as if she hoped they were strong enough to mend all the pain, and deep down Therese already knew they had. However, all she could muster in response was silently staring back at her.

“Well, that’s that,” was all Carol said before Therese watched her take her things and walk away.

 

***

 

It was a gloomy Sunday afternoon. Abby eyed the cloudy sky through the large window in the living room of Carol’s residence from where she was standing in the kitchen. It had started to pour the moment she stepped out of her car, small little droplets of water had increasingly tapped her head and shoulders on her walk over to the apartment building; now she could see the rain furiously cascading down the glass of the window. She thought the gloom of the day was perfectly reflected in the moods of New York’s citizens, and most importantly, in the mood of the slouched figure sitting at the table across the room.

Carol had hinted at what happened between Therese and her over the past few days when earlier this morning she had called Abby seeking some comfort from her friend. It wasn’t like Carol to ask for help in moments like this, and although she had tried to mask the weakness in her voice, tried to sound as casual and unaffected as she could master, Abby had soon realized a cry for help was concealed behind this seemingly ordinary phone call. She had let the long dead silences speak for themselves.

Hearing the whistling sound of the boiling kettle pot, Abby was immediately snapped out of her inner thoughts. She placed two ceramic cups onto their respective plates, and retrieved two bags of vanilla tea before she poured the steaming hot water to let them infuse. She walked to her waiting friend in the living room, and finally sat next to her, enjoying the hot drink warming her hands. It was a cold summer in the city this year.

A relatively long silence stretched between them as Abby waited patiently for Carol to spill the first words, but as time passed with Carol looking at her in despair, she realized her friend was silently asking her to take the lead.

Abby cleared her throat as she leaned back on her chair, bringing the warm cup of coffee against her chest. “When is Rindy coming back?”

Carol exhaled, visibly relieved at the mention of her daughter instead of the subject Abby knew she was dreading the most. “Tomorrow afternoon. I’m gonna pick her up from the airport. Harge said he couldn’t drive her back here.”

Shaking her head Abby cursed herself for venturing into such precarious territory. Rindy was a sore subject for Abby ever since she became the reason Carol was at risk of losing her child. It was a matter that gripped her stomach tightly and set her insides on fire. Whenever Carol so much as mentioned her name, Abby couldn’t control the incessant need to reprimand her. She was beyond thankful that Carol had finally chosen to put a long overdue end to her sick marriage, but Abby was hardly satisfied nonetheless. It had always been the ferocious attorney within her dictating her every action - and just like in court, it was all or nothing.

“I still think you should fight for sole custody.”

She was expecting Carol to shoot her a warning glance, her usual way to tell her she didn’t want to talk about it, _not now Abigail,_ because with her friend it was never the right moment to address the elephant in the room. Instead, she received no response at all. The blonde woman in front of her kept staring out of the nearest window with a vacant look on her face, utterly lost in the intricate world of her thoughts.

 “Carol!” Abby called out, snapping her fingers to get her attention.

“Uh?”

“Have you been getting any sleep?” She asked, only now noticing the dark blue circles under her tired eyes.

“Yes of course.”

“I mean more than just a few hours straight.”

Carol shrugged absently, apparently not really concerned by her own well-being. Abby hated seeing her like this, she wanted to grab and shake her shoulders, and knock some sense into her stubborn head. She hated that thick, cold armor she always felt the need to put on to conceal her vulnerability, that look of fake indifference that wrongly shaped her into a heartless soul. When she uttered her next words Abby hoped she’d been able to keep her exasperation at bay.

“How long since you’ve last seen Therese?”

Her question seemed to have the desired effect as it made Carol finally look up.

“A week. She’s been skipping class too,” Carol said. Her voice was tight and raspy with emotion, consequently making herself flinch at the sound of it. Carol then grabbed the pack of cigarettes, and lit one up – a gesture that Abby was sure was meant to steady her shaking hands.

“Have you tried to contact her?”

“No,” she said as she nervously scratched her palm. “I don’t… I don’t want to pressure her. I told her I would give her as much time as she needed. I told her I’d wait.”

“Okay that’s good. I’m sure she just needs some time.”

“Oh Abby…” Carol trailed off slowly shaking her head. She bit down her bottom lip in a way to control its quiver. Her brows were knitted in a pained expression, and for the first time in years Abby could see the glint of tears trickling down her cheeks.

“I think I’ve lost her,” she said finally, in a voice that resembled a whimper, before hastily brushing away the damp evidence of her sadness. She straightened her back again, an attempt at composing herself, while she took a long – too long – drag of smoke. “Not that I can blame her.”

Her voice came out deep and rough, yet it sounded miles away.

Abby drew in a deep breath. She knew Carol too well, knew that once she’d entered that spiral of remorse and self-blame she was lost, and no amount of words could ever change her mind.

“Maybe it’s for the best?” Abby asked tentatively. “You’ll be going through a tough divorce very soon. And there’s your father Carol… you know what happens and it’s gonna be the same goddamn thing all over again, only now you have Rindy to take care of. She needs you Carol.”

The blonde nodded, more in a way to convince herself than anything else. But Abby could recognize the trace of resignation in her grey eyes.

“It’s gonna be okay.”

 

***

Abby knocked three times on the door, waiting for it to open and reveal the person she came all the way here to see. She heard the muffled sound of footsteps from the other side, followed by a shadow appearing behind the cracks of the door. She waited patiently, figuring she must had been checking who the unexpected visitor was through the small peephole. Another second passed before the door finally swung opened.

“Good, you’re dressed,” Abby exclaimed as she eyed the girl up and down.

Therese was standing in front of her wearing a long, oversized black sweater that fell all the way past her bottom, and washed-out jeans, with an old pair of Dr. Martens. “What are you doing here?” She asked harshly.

“I’m taking you out. Coffee, a drink… your choice and my treat,” Abby said matter-of-factly as if she were talking business. Therese silently gazed at her for more than what would be considered an appropriate amount of time, before she turned around leaving the door open, and coming back a moment later with a bag and her set of keys in hand. Abby was surprised that it didn’t take much, although, sounding convincing was part of her daily job after all.

The car ride had been uncomfortably silent. Carol had told her that she had confessed their past relationship to Therese, thus Abby was hardly surprised that the joyful and kind young woman she had met a couple of weeks ago could barely stand to be in her presence.

“So, got any idea where you wanna go?” Abby asked trying to break the silence.

“Coffee’s good,” Therese replied, never averting her eyes from the side window.

“Too bad. I know a place where they make Martinis to die for.”

Therese suddenly snapped, finally turning her head in Abby’s direction. “What do you want?”

“No need to be brusque. I’m not abducting you sweetie, I can drive you back home right now if that’s what you want. I just wanted to talk, and I thought it was better to do so on neutral ground,” Abby said as she parked and got out of the car. The short walk from the parking lot to the café she had chosen was, once again, uncomfortably silent, with Therese making sure to keep at least ten feet of distance between them.

The place was small and crowded, but the marble table they had chosen by the window was secluded enough to grant them some privacy. Unlike the coldness of the outside, this place was warm and cozy, with its maroon wallpaper and big, mahogany counter that gave a touch of antique elegance.

They were sitting across from each other after having asked for their orders. Abby’s attention was drawn outside as she looked at the passing pedestrians through the café window. It was such a weird thing, sitting here trying to fix the lives of two people whilst the lives of others kept constantly moving forward utterly unaffected.

“So… I know you’ve been skipping class this week.”

“Has she told you that?”

Abby rolled her eyes at that. “Of course, it’s not like I’m in your classroom.”

Therese’s gaze was piercing. The green of her iris was so much more vivid than Abby remembered. She could see an intensity there that was almost breathtaking. This young woman was strong and fierce, and oh-so passionate. No wonder Carol was so wildly enamoured of her.

“Are you over her Therese? Because if you are, please have at least the heart to tell her that. God knows she’s already had her share of women going MIA.”

Therese’s head snapped up all of a sudden. “I’m not…over her,” she said indignantly, as if this was the most ridiculous question Abby could ever have asked her.

The older brunette nodded silently, taking in the acquired information. “Do you love her?”

“Of course I do,” she answered in a much more delicate tone now.  

She knew that look. She knew Therese really meant those words. She recognized the ardent passion and infinite love in her eyes. It’s what she once felt for Carol too; that unwavering, intense desire to be with her, with the constant question whether it was worth it or not. It was hard to love her. She made you want to do anything for her, sometimes this feeling for her could hardly be contained. She would make you think crazy things –  wish for a tunnel to cave in on you both, bodies dragged out together, ceasing to exist so that you could be with her forever. She saw that very same fire in Therese’s eyes.

Abby called it insanity, some others called it love.

“Therese…” Abby said wanting the young woman to look at her. “I know what it means to be in love with Carol. It’s painful. But, it’s only now that I can truly see it’s nothing compared to how painful and hard it is for her to love someone back…yet, I’ve never seen her so in love as she is with you.”

It was true. Carol’s love for Therese went beyond anything she’d ever experienced. Abby smiled at herself thinking back to that time in which she yearned for that kind of love, yearned for Carol to want her the same way she did. Now it all felt like a distant memory.

“She was in love with you,” Therese said matter-of-factly.

“Believe me…it’s different. She would do pretty much anything for you.”

She observed the way her words were slowly sinking in. Therese had a pensive expression shaping her beautiful face, and Abby soon realized that the strong animosity she was feeling towards her, was now replaced by sheer understanding and an ever-growing curiosity.

“What happened between you two?”

“She broke up with me.”

Therese frowned at her looking slightly confused “Why?”

“What do you know about Harge?” Abby inquired before she took a cautious sip of her hot beverage.

“Not much…he’s a prick, that I’m sure. I’ve seen him take Rindy away from Carol… he took her for a trip or something right before her birthday.”

Abby’s face contorted in a wince thinking about one of Harge’s latest stunts. “Well, when he found out about Carol and I, he threatened her with taking Rindy away from her… he would have made damn sure he got full custody,” Abby’s voice suddenly deepened as she felt the anger slowly creeping up on her. “There’s something about him that I can’t quite… grasp, but I don’t like him. He gives me the same feeling I get when I’m in court and it’s not pleasant. I just want him as far away from Carol and Rindy as he can get,” she said with much more venom than she’d intended to.“But Carol… she was in a vulnerable place at the time,” Abby trailed off as she recalled the last period of their relationship. “And you know what’s the worst thing about her?”

Therese shook her head but did not voice her response. Instead, she quietly waited for the older woman to continue.

“She sees good in everyone.”

“Isn’t that a virtuous thing?”

She gave her a humorless smile, then she answered with the cynicism of those whom have seen too much evil in the human kind.

“Not if it makes you blind. But you know what changed in her?”

“No,” Therese replied utterly intrigued, as if she was being sucked into the mystery that was Carol Aird and she longed to solve it.

“You. I know Carol better than I know myself and I’m quite sure she wouldn’t have been asking for a divorce now if it wasn’t for you.”

Abby smiled softly at the girl in front of her. It was such a hard thing to stay unbiased when the woman she’d been in love with, and still loved as her dearest friend, was drowning in her own sorrow. Even more difficult was trying to ignore Carol’s past struggles, and everything she had gone through that shaped her into who she was now.

“I’m not trying to change your mind in case you’ve already made it up. I’m not trying to convince you to be with Carol, Therese. That’s your choice and yours only, and I can assure you it’s not gonna be easy, with her father, and the divorce, and Rindy… and her worst fear is that you’d miss out on your young years because of her, so God knows she’s probably never gonna ask you to stay, and trust me… I bear witness to many low points in Carol’s life, but never before I’ve seen her as lost and miserable as she is now thinking that she’s ultimately pushed you away. I want her to be happy Therese, and you make her blissful and overjoyed. It’s not easy, but is it worth it? I think so.. yeah. Because what Carol’s capable of giving makes up for every one of those parts she keeps to herself.”

“Thank you Abby,” Therese said with pure sincerity in her voice. Her eyes were fixed on her fidgeting hands as she silently gathered her thoughts. “It wasn’t really my intention to leave her hanging like. I don’t want to lose her. It’s just… most of the times I feel like I’ll never be able to give her what she needs. And then the things she’s told me… I felt _betrayed_ and I didn’t even know why. I just needed some time to think.”

“Sweetie, that’s perfectly reasonable. She lied to you. Damn, I would have gone nuts. And between you and me, I wouldn’t let her off the hook so easily. You’re entitled to your emotions, whether that is anger, or betrayal, or disappointment.”

Therese nodded in acknowledgement. Relief washing over her as if all this time she’d been worried she had overreacted. But hearing Abby confirm that her feelings weren’t in fact misplaced, she felt she could finally breath again.

“Why do you think she’s so…” Therese trailed off struggling to find the right words. “unable to open up?”

“Oh no Therese she’s not unable… she just needs more time and patience.”

 _Patience_. Therese remembered the day Carol had asked for it.

“It’s the most primal trait of any human being. If something had hurt you repeatedly for a long time Therese, would you dive into it head first, or would you try to stay away?”

 

***

 

The flickering flames of the fireplace flashed reds and oranges, the reflections dancing on the glass coffee table. Carol could smell the pine as it slowly burned, permeating the air with its earthy scent.

Her phone buzzed alerting her of a new message. She turned her head and saw the electronic device laying on the couch behind her, creating a dim blueish glow in the mostly dark room. She didn’t get up to check it, instead she decided to ignore it and focus her attention back on the black Victorian mask in her hands.

Her thumb delicately traced the silver embroidery. It mocked her. That object was part of a life she didn’t want to live anymore. No matter what would happen between Therese and her, from that moment onward she wanted to move on.

With a surge of resolution, she grabbed the mask and finally fed it to the flames. She could have thrown it away, but Carol wanted to watch it burn, wanted her eyes to feast on its last moments as it slowly deteriorated into nothing more than ashes.

That part of her was officially dead.

Her phone was still on the couch; by now the latest message had been long forgotten – she had just finished talking to Rindy and she had seen Abby earlier that day, there was no reason for her to expect something important. But another light buzz reminded Carol of the unread text.

The sun had gone to rest hours ago, and the night was now invading her too big apartment, the only sounds filling the room were the crackle of the burning fire, and the light constant humming noises produced by the home appliances.

She had been having troubles sleeping lately, as Abby had unsurprisingly noticed earlier, so she had found herself, more times than she would have liked to admit, coming to the living room in the middle of the night to sit on her couch, or on one the armchairs, with a cup of chamomile tea waiting for the exhaustion to finally engulf her. She was sure today was no exception.

She walked in the kitchen to fetch herself some water before finally attempting to sleep. She placed the glass and her phone on her nightstand, then changed into her nightgown before she climbed under the cold sheets.

As she reached her hand to switch off the lamp her eyes fell on her discarded phone. The moment she picked it up the screen came to life showing the letters which formed that familiar name. Suddenly sitting upright she gazed at message that had her heart racing, and her eyes filling with fresh tears.  

> **Therese:**
> 
> I love you too.
> 
>  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo... I had an idea. This story is pretty much all planned already, but before another major plot twist/turning point which is going to take place in a few chapters, I wanted to write something for you in each chap. thus, if you have anything, even the smallest thing, you'd like to read, let me know and I'll do my best to include them! We could consider them mini prompts inside the story. 
> 
> Let me know what you think of this last chapter, your comments keep me inspired! <3
> 
> Ps. oceansgate, thank you for your precious help.


	17. Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I 'm so not sure about this chapter, I've struggled a lot and for a long time writing it, and this is the result. I hope you enjoy it <3

The soft ding of the doorbell was hardly loud enough to be heard over the children’s screeching, who kept incessantly playing blissfully unbothered by their surroundings. Carol had picked up Rindy from the airport early this afternoon, and had a small surprise party waiting for her at home, which she was only able to pull off thanks to Abby’s precious help. Since she wasn’t there to celebrate her birthday while her daughter was still in Florida, she thought she could have some of her friends over for a small party, and Abby had kindly offered to take care of the catering and blow up balloons while she was busy picking up Rindy.

Carol got up from her chair, briefly excusing herself with Abby who was showing a questioning look on her face, and went to answer the door. As this opened she felt her heart erratically picking up pace at the sight before her.

“Therese,” Carol whispered as she firmly clutched at the door – for support, or in some kind of attempt to shield herself, she wasn’t sure. She wasn’t expecting to see her, not today and certainly not here. Carol had replied to Therese’s text last night, heart filled with joy, and hope that perhaps not everything was lost, yet Therese had never gotten back to her after that. Carol had promised herself she would have called her once Rindy’s birthday party was over, despite that part of her that told her not to push it; but now here she was, dumbfounded at the sight of the woman whose face she had dreamed of for the past week standing in front of her and looking like a mirage in the desert.

Seconds passed as the two women stared at each other in silence. Carol’s eyes so different today, softer and full of emotions, they weren’t guarded like they normally were, Therese thought, they were bright and clear of their usual gloom. Therese smiled, and took a mental picture of the beautiful sight that was Carol wearing something as ordinary as a pair of leggings.

“Therese!” A small, high pitched voice exclaimed from behind Carol’s legs. Rindy was holding a red balloon in one hand while the other held one of her shoes – Therese assumed it was Rindy’s after she noticed the little girl was still wearing the matching one – a beautiful pair of blue costume designed converse with Lilo & Stitch hand painted on either side.

“Come on in, we having a par-tea,” the blonde little girl said, gesturing with her hand as she jumped up and down back in the living room, where the party was taking place.

Therese looked at Carol, who was still standing there smiling at her. The door opened wider and Therese stepped inside. She felt Carol’s hand on one of her shoulders as she took her bag to hang it in the closet at the entrance, where Therese could see several jackets of different sizes tidily hanging on some hooks.

“I knew she was coming home today, and that it was her birthday, so… “ Therese trailed off almost timidly, not really sure if she was supposed to stop by unannounced, as she held up a small, neatly wrapped-up, package.

“I’m so glad you’re here,” Carol said in a low yet small voice, as if the words were meant for Therese’s ears only. The younger woman could sense Carol’s eyes fixed on her, she could feel all the emotions that were pouring out of her in that moment, and she wanted nothing but to absorb them in. She usually hated being on the receiving end of someone’s attentive scrutiny, but she found that this time she didn’t mind the pair of blue eyes so comfortably set on her.

Carol placed her hand on Therese’s back and gently guided her towards the living room. At that, Therese’s breath hitched and got stuck in her throat – the simple touch feeling like fire sending shivers down her whole body. She hadn’t realized how much she had missed it, how much she craved even that mere contact. She wanted to touch her too, wanted to feel the warmth of her skin once again under her own. Therese knew they hadn’t kissed like they normally would. She could have given Carol a hug when she stepped inside, and as much as all the forces of this universe seemed to be pushing her in Carol’s arms, she knew she couldn’t give in – not yet at least – she needed to regain some degree of control in their relationship, and set things straight before she found herself once again sucked into Carol’s world. 

Abby was still sitting at the table. The chair was placed near a slightly opened window where her hand holding a cigarette could peek out to let the smoke dissolve in the fresh air from outside. The moment she saw Therese, she waved at her all too enthusiastically, and gave the younger woman a thumbs up. Carol narrowed her eyes at her friend, wondering where all that odd excitement was coming from.

Suddenly Therese felt something pulling at the hem of her sweater. Looking down she found Rindy trying to get her attention.

“Therese,” the little girl said. “These are my friends, Oliver, Tommy, Sasha, and Jonathan.”

Turning around she was met with curious faces, everyone standing behind Rindy as they waited for the little host to introduce them. “They’re my best friends, like you mommy and aunt Abby.”

Therese waved at them, and as she opened her mouth to say ‘hi’ and tell them her name, the smart little girl beat her to it.

“This is Therese. She’s my mom’s friend. Right mommy?” Her piercing blue eyes, same color as her mother’s, were intently studying the older woman. Her inquisitive attitude took Carol by surprise, and made Therese blush a deep shade of pink.

“Yes,” was Carol’s simple response.

Rindy held her gaze for a while longer, as if questioning what her mother had said. Then, apparently satisfied with her answer, she smiled a sweet toothy smile and turned around, ready to resume whatever game the small group was playing before.

“Wait!” Therese called out, suddenly remembering the package she was yet to give her. “This is for you,” she said, holding up the birthday present.

Inhaling deeply in surprise, Rindy accepted the package, and immediately started unwrapping it. A few moments later she was holding  a colorful and minutely detailed railcar. “Thank you!” She exclaimed hugging Therese.

The brunette patted the little girl’s head. “To add to your train set.”

“You remembered?” Rindy asked, referring to the single time Therese had been at Carol’s and Rindy had showed her a wide collection of trains – from the oldest models to the most recent ones.  

Therese nodded, then watched as the birthday girl happily ran back to her friends, with her new precious possession in hand.

“You shouldn’t have.”

Therese heard Carol saying from behind her. She turned around to face her and was met with a look of pure gratitude in the woman’s eyes. Therese shrugged. It was just a toy, and Rindy was a sweet girl, Therese liked seeing her happy. She hadn’t even thought about it, but when she walked passed a shopping window and noticed  this piece of a train set, she just went in and bought it. It was before she talked to Abby, even before she decided to reach out to Carol with that message. She supposed the was never a doubt about her coming back to Carol.

They joined Abby at the table. The surface was covered in all kinds of treats, from what looked like apple and cinnamon muffins, to slices of bread covered with a thick layer of chocolate cream – no wonder the kids were so energetic.

Carol offered her a piece of the birthday cake, Oreos and chocolate she said, which Therese accepted gladly. She noticed how Carol had taken the seat next to her, yet at the same time she had slid the chair back a little, putting some distance between the two of them. It was like Carol was walking on eggs. She hated this, hated how they were now, so cautious around each other, and yet Therese couldn’t help but being momentarily relieved by the distance now separating them.

“I didn’t know you were having a party,” Therese looked around taking in her surroundings. “It’s really nice.”

“Yeah, I wanted Rindy to have some time with her friends to celebrate, but nothing too big, as I’m pretty sure she’s exhausted from the trip. She’ll be passed out in a couple of hours.”

A loud scoff came from Abby’s direction, “Nothing too big!?”

Therese’s eyes travelled back and forth from Carol’s funny expression and Abby’s playfully mocking one.

“Tell her what you got her,” Abby said, eyebrows raised high as she waited for Carol to give out the details.  

“I – I might have gone a bit overboard with the gifts…” Carol scratched the back of her head, showing her so obvious reluctance in giving more information. She looked so unexpectedly sheepish, making Therese beam at her with utter amusement.  

“A pony! She got her a fucking pony!” Abby finally revealed with an exaggerated look on her face.

Therese turned to face Carol, eyes wide and lips tightly pressed in a tin line trying to suppress a laugh.

“What?” Carol asked, eyeing back and forth the other women. “She said she wanted one.”

“Yeah, but… a _pony_ , Carol. That’s so cliché,” Therese said teasingly.

“That’s what I told her,” said Abby. “Also, it was completely unnecessary. What are you going to do when the girl gets too big to ride that poor thing?”

“It’s not that I’ll have to get rid of him. He’ll be living in a stable with his…horse friends, and Rindy will get to visit him whenever she wants,” Carol took a sip of her tea, hiding her face behind the white porcelain cup, almost as if trying to conceal the guilt over the extravagant gift. Therese wondered if the impulsive purchase came from some insane need of Carol to make up for her absence on Rindy’s birthday last week. She couldn’t be completely sure, but it was something she could see Carol doing – carrying the world’s weight on her shoulder, and filling up voids with money – because for some reason she always seemed to forget that her love and affection were more than enough.

Carol glanced at Therese, a small trace of insecurity showing on her face.

Therese softly smiled. “I think it’s cute.”

 

***

 

Hours had passed since Therese came here unexpectedly. Carol had convinced her to stay over for dinner, which Therese had reluctantly agreed to. She thought it was odd to spend so much time, in such a casual manner, with Carol and Abby in the same room. Although, she felt no resentment towards the older brunette, and had finally moved passed her jealousy, Therese still thought it would have been awkward to have dinner with her current girlfriend (at least she thought they still were) and this one’s former lover. Nevertheless, the time spent together couldn’t have been more enjoyable and, strangely, nothing but comfortable. Therese found out Abby was not only a very intelligent and witty woman, she was also incredibly funny, especially so when she teased Carol and made fun of her using some old-times story to get on her nerves.

Time had passed without them noticing; the exquisite supper, the light-hearted jokes, and the laughter had created this idyllic bubble, a warm cocoon, which Therese found she did not want to leave any time soon, and suspected Carol was feeling the very same way, if the look of longing on her face was of any indication.

So she had stayed for dinner, and then stayed some more, after Rindy was put to bed and Abby had excused herself and gotten home. Because she was lost and enraptured – lost in the warmth and tingling sensation that spread through her heart whenever she was in Carol’s presence. And now, they were sitting on the couch, so close to each other that if she just extended her arm a little bit her fingers would graze Carol’s exposed shoulder. If she scooted a little closer, she would be invaded and inebriated by her sweet scent, that would take over her senses and, she feared, make her do stupid, reckless things. If she closed that small distance separating their bodies she could place her head in the crook of Carol’s neck and feel the softness of her skin under her cheek; she could wrap her arm around her and drape her legs over Carol’s, like she had done so many times  before.

Or maybe she already had, because that’s where she found herself all of a sudden – held tightly and secure in Carol’s arms. Sure, she knew she shouldn’t have let that happen, but then again, it was her _scent_ that made her do crazy things. She shouldn’t have, because they still needed to talk. After all, Therese had come here with that main purpose in mind, promising to herself that she would have kept her distance, physical and emotional, before she could finally say what she came here for. Oh, but she looked so beautiful, with those soft blonde curls framing her face, and that casual oversized cream sweater.

She shouldn’t have, but how could she say no?

Carol was now toying with her hair, lazily twirling a brown strand around her fingers. She hadn’t expected this. The whole evening came as a complete surprise to her, but more so she wasn’t expecting Therese to slide across the couch and _finally_ settle where Carol had wanted her since she opened the door this evening. She had been so tentative at first; when Therese had showed up earlier that day Carol had known from the very beginning she would give the young woman all the space and time that she needed, she would let her take the first steps towards reconciliation, and Carol would have accepted anything Therese was willing to give her.

But when they were sitting there on the same couch, so close yet so distant, sipping red wine and casually chatting, Carol couldn’t help herself. She might have slid her hand a little further, hoping Therese would have grabbed it in her own; she might have crossed one leg over the other so that her foot was delicately making contact with Therese’s, and she might even have glanced a second too long at her soft, rosy lips, hoping she could finally have a taste. Thus, when Therese closed the distance between them there was simply nothing in this world that could have stopped Carol from welcoming her in her arms. Like two pieces of the same puzzle, they were where they belonged.

Carol looked down at Therese who’s head was now buried in her chest, her dark brown hair tickling her nose and invading her senses with that oh-so familiar scent. Tracing the slope of her nose with a finger, Carol thought there was a purity in this young woman she knew she did not deserve, yet she couldn’t help but feeling immensely grateful for whatever it was that made their paths cross. Hand traveling down her cheek then cupping her chin she tilted Therese’s head up, and placed a soft, longing kiss on top of her forehead. She kept her lips pressed on her skin, hoping she was able to express how precious the young woman was to her. She had missed her so much. A mere week without her had felt like eternity, excruciatingly long and lonely and all she could think about was how her life could only feel complete whenever they were together. She was her light. Her angel.

“I’ve missed you,” Carol whispered against Therese’s temple. She wasn’t expecting her to respond and, in fact, no words came from Therese’s mouth. She didn’t care, for Therese’s presence right now was the only answer she needed.

The spell they seemed to be under was broken abruptly when she heard the ringtone of her cell phone coming from her bedroom. It was too late for anyone to be calling, and normally she wouldn’t care and just mute it, but having left it so close to Rindy’s bedroom she was afraid the loud noise would wake her up.

She didn’t want to leave the warmth they were sharing; today she did not want to be away from Therese more than a second. Nevertheless, she extricated herself and reluctantly got up from the most comfortable place she had ever been.

“I’ll be right back.”

She excused herself and ran to her bedroom where she found the still ringing device carelessly tossed on to the bed. The moment she picked it up it finally stopped, showing two missed calls from her lawyer and, a second later, a new message in her inbox.

> Call me back in the morning.

She sighed, rubbing her forehead and throwing the phone once again on to the mattress. _How could she have missed it?_ She hoped it wasn’t something of immediate urgency _._ She made a mental note to call him first thing in the morning, and then stepped back into the living room.

“I’m sorry, it was my – “ Carol stopped in her tracks when, as she entered the area, she found the place empty. No longer sitting where she had left her, she saw Therese standing near the entrance, and with an increasing sense of sadness and disappointment she noticed the young woman was now putting her jacket on.

She wanted to say something, anything, but the words gut stuck in a tight grip at the back of her throat, making her only capable of silently watching as Therese got ready to leave. God, she hated herself for feeling this way, for making something as meaningless as a few more hours together affect her to such extent. Oh, but Therese’s presence was anything but meaningless. It meant the world to her – it meant everything.

Finally, the young woman’s eyes met hers. Her expression was delicate and soft, but Carol was able to catch the glimpses of uncertainty, and possibly even regret.

“I should go,” Therese said taking a few steps towards her.

“You don’t have to,” she replied tentatively. 

Therese look morphed into one of confusion as she took in Carol’s sudden change of demeanor, and realized what this must have looked like.

Like she was running away.

But before she could say something Carol was already speaking.

 “I mean, it’s pretty late… and dark. You could stay over tonight,” Carol shrugged. Then she quickly added, “In the guest room of course, if you want to?” She groaned internally at how she must have sounded – so desperate to have Therese here – but she feared that the moment she walked out of her apartment the bubble they had once again created would finally burst.

She wanted to stay. Of course Therese wanted to stay, and not in the guest room, but in Carol’s bed tightly wrapped around her arms. Not tonight though. There were things that still needed to be said, first and foremost Therese wanted – no, _needed_ , to apologize to Carol. Because she wanted this to work more than anything she’d ever wanted, but she knew there was no way they could do that if there was still some resentment between them. Therese would never forgive herself if it was some unresolved issue that caused their relationship to ultimately break.

“I should go,” she repeated, fearing she would inevitably gave in. 

Carol nodded, and Therese caught a glimpse of a sad smile appearing on her face. It was small but it lasted, and Therese noticed with a strange sense of pride that it was something that Carol would have immediately concealed not a long time ago. And now here she was, unafraid of showing herself in all of her shades and beautiful weaknesses – just like she had promised.

Therese took another few steps forward, and slowly closing the distance between them, she neared her lips to Carol’s, hovering there for what felt like forever. She wanted to savour it, she wanted to _feel_ every second, every particle of air that was exchanged between them. She wanted to look Carol in the eyes and see the same love and longing and passion reflected back at her. And when their lips finally connected, it was the soft touch of a promise.   

“I’m not going anywhere.”

 

***

 

She hadn’t stayed, but Therese had told her she would have texted her in the morning, which she had at a little past 9. Although, Carol had finally had a full night of rest for the first time in a week, the prospect of hearing from Therese or even possibly meet her that day had her up and about with excitement at the crack of dawn. Having taken care of all of the house chores before Rindy woke up, she was left with plenty of time to work from her office at home.

She was still in her pajamas, cup of coffee in one hand and fingers typing on her laptop, when she got her message.

> Can you meet me at 5?

She bit her lower lip smiling at her phone. She needed to call a sitter for Rindy but she was sure she could arrange something.

> Yes.
> 
> Great. I’ll pick you up then.

 

***

 

They took a cab to get to Therese’s secrete destination. The only piece of information Carol got was the address that Therese had given the cabby. It was somewhere in Dumbo, a part of town that Carol only remembered from her time in college, and which she hadn’t visited in years.

The traffic to get out of Upper Manhattan made the ride unsurprisingly long and pretty much all stop-start; cars trying to barge their way into the small space between other vehicles, eliciting various angry responses from the raging drivers abusers of horns. Therese hated traffic, dreaded this condition and tried to avoid like a pestilence, and yet today she was only mildly bothered by the intrusive stench of exhaust emissions belching out, or the choir of curses and insults coming from some driver who had just been cut in line. Today all her attention was drawn to the woman sitting next to her.

Therese had only ever seen Carol driving, but never before she had the luxury to just admire the way she seemed to lose herself as she stared through the side window. She looked calm, almost relaxed, in the midst of this chaotic jungle. Her posture was composed as usual, with her handbag carefully placed on top of her lap, she had one hand so elegantly draped over it and the other supporting her chin while she silently kept gazing outside. It amazed Therese how awestruck she still could be by the woman’s statuesque figure. She wondered if she would ever get tired of those prominent cheekbones and seemingly infinite legs, or that regal aura Carol emanated that made Therese feel so small yet so fascinated.

Slowly the cab came to a halt in front of a brick wall building. Therese got off the car and paid the driver while Carol began to look around taking in her surroundings. Therese smiled at how so out of place she looked in this part of town.

“You’ve never been here before?” Therese asked as she started walking towards the door of one of the many buildings.

“I have, of course I have,” Carol replied following Therese. The younger woman turned around and looked at Carol with amusement, raising her eyebrows in a way to tell her she didn’t quite believe her.

Carol rolled her eyes and lightly nudged her in the ribs. “It was a long time ago.”

When they entered the place they were immediately struck by the strong smell of fresh painting. The place was large and beautifully illuminated by the natural light coming from an entire wall made of windows. The style was undoubtedly the one of an industrial warehouse, with cement walls, and large metal beams that gave structure to the ceiling. It was messy and disorganized with many pieces of furniture that still needed to be arranged, and several plastic sheets spread all over the pavement, but Carol could already see the incredible attention that was put into the details.

A part of the wall was decorated with pages that looked like they were ripped out of some book or journal and glued to the surface. Carol then noticed they were snippets of poems, some of them which she could recognize and some others that were completely unknown to her, but mainly the pieces of paper were Therese’s sketches and paintings.

“I’ve been working at this for five years,” Therese said as she started picking up boxes from the floor. “I can’t come here very often, you know, between work and lectures… which is why it’s still a mess,” she turned to face Carol sliding her hands in her jean pockets; a look of bewilderment mixed with astonishment was plastered on Carol’s face.

“You did all of this?”

Therese nodded slightly then continued. “I’ve always wanted to become an artist. Since I’ve been able to hold a pencil in my hand I think I’ve always wanted to create something… so, when I turned sixteen instead of a car my parents got me this studio. It was originally a small sewing factory… the floor was still made of raw concrete, and all the plumping dated back to the period following the great depression. They were supposed to restore it, but they could never make it. It took me two years to just be able to visit this place, let alone know what I wanted to do with it,” Therese said chuckling to herself,  “One day I decided to finally gather some courage and stop by. I picked up a broom and started cleaning the floor, then I went and took some boxes and started getting rid of the junk…before I knew it I had found a purpose again, and I slowly transformed this place in what my parents had bought it for. It’s been my haven ever since.”

“You never told me about it.”

“That’s because no one knows about this place. It’s the only thing I have left of my parents, and it just felt like something too private to share…” Therese confessed, then she shrugged her shoulders and locked eyes with Carol. “Until you.”

She understood now. Just like Carol had done a week ago when she opened up with Therese, spilling her secrets and welcoming her into the dark side of her soul, asking the young woman to pick her, Therese was now giving her answer.

“Carol, I know you don’t trust easily, and I know you still think I could be running away at any moment,” Therese said, and noticed Carol was already beginning to protest, so she stepped closer to her and grabbed her hands.

“It’s fine. I know this is who you are and I love you. I wanted you to know that I’m not going anywhere.”

Carol’s eyes were quickly filling with tears. She felt her body warming with incommensurable love for the only woman who had ever dared to take a chance on her. She felt joy for something she had chased for a long time and then gave up all together. Now she was finally ready to take her heart and lay it safely in Therese’s hands. Tears fell but she didn’t bother to wipe them away. The bravest thing she could do was showing Therese tears that were not born from sorrow nor pain, but that were born from love and happiness.

 “I’m sorry for what I said last week, about – ”

Grabbing her face with both hands Carol shook her head. “It’s okay Therese,” she whispered, tracing the soft line of Therese’s lip with her thumb. “It’s okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the incredible support and amazing comments a keep receiving on this story, hope you had a wonderful holiday!


	18. A New Precipice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First chapter I'm posting after seeing Cate's play in London. FYI I've written it from my grave.  
> xoxo from the afterlife.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW?

“Can he do this?”

Carol asked tossing the brown envelope on the table.

“As I said the other day Carol, he’s filing for full custody. He’ll do anything he can in order to prove you’re unfit to parent.”

“This is outrageous! My… sexual life has nothing to do with how I raise my daughter,” Carol said turning her back to the several photos sprawled across her desk. Pictures of her past self engaging with different patrons of the club were now there to haunt her.

The lawyer let out a sigh. “No, but you can’t be sure that’s what the judge will see. I’ve seen sole custodies being granted for much less… _serious_ matters than this.”

He was right. All it took was an old conservative man deeming her lifestyle too controversial and potentially detrimental to a child’s interests for her to lose the fight, and consequently Rindy with it – hell, for all she knew it could be anyone who thought that a good mother’s only place was in the household with her child.

Carol rubbed her fingers against her forehead, pressing hard on that spot that always ached whenever she felt the stress taking over.

“So what am I supposed to do?”

“Nothing for now… we’ll see if we can get him to change his mind, I’m sure he doesn’t want this to get to court. His lawyer contacted me earlier. They’re offering one supervised visit per month and one alone with Rindy every two months. They’re willing to let this evidence go if you spontaneously agree to the deal.”

“Spontan – “ Carol trailed off, drawing in a shuddering breath. The mere thought of seeing her own daughter one single time in thirty long days was enough to have her throat constricting and her legs giving out, causing her to find support on the nearest chair behind her.

“There is no way. I can’t – I will _not_ settle for this… monstrosity.”

“I understand Ca – “

“Do you?” She snapped back.

There was a small pause before the lawyer replied carefully.

“I do. I just want you to consider that no deal means going to court. I want you to be fully prepared for the consequences.”

Carol was about to speak when she was interrupted by a soft knock on the door of her studio. Therese’s head peeked in, and as the young woman noticed she was busy talking on the phone she mouthed a silent _sorry_.

“Do you want cheese with your pasta?” whispered Therese.

Carol gave her a soft but quick smile nodding her reply, then she waited for her to disappear behind the door before she resumed the conversation with the man.

“Vince, I- I gotta go. I need some time to think this over…”

“Of course.”

Another pause, longer this time, stretched between the two speakers.

“Alright, I’ll get back to you tomorrow.”

Tossing her phone onto the desk she fell heavily against the back of her chair. A sense of helplessness and defeat slowly washed over her as she realized she was left with little to no options. Harge had backed her into a corner; it was either the deal or court, and not only she was afraid of how inevitably ugly it was going to get there, she also had a feeling that the odds weren’t really in her favor this time, not with those pictures of her immortalized in more than just a compromising situation.

 

***

 

“Now, something smells nice here,” Carol said as she entered the kitchen where Therese was busy making her favorite pasta from scratches. The young woman was leaning forward over the stove savoring the aroma of the sauce coming from the large pan; her hair was tied into a low ponytail and with one hand she kept the long brown strands away from the sauce. Carol stood there to observe her. Even in nothing but an old t-shirt, worn out plaid shorts and a dirty apron she looked absolutely divine.

“This has taken longer than I was expecting,” Therese said biting her bottom lip in frustration while she started plating the pasta.

Carol walked over to her closing the distance between them, and planted a soft kiss on top of Therese’s head. “I bet… If only you’d let me help.”

“No,” Therese groaned. “When I say I cook for you you’re not supposed to do anything.”

Carol grinned at her. “If you say so,” she said as she retrieved two glasses from the cupboard to pour some red wine to pair with their dinner.   

“Is everything all right?” asked Therese.

“Of course,” Carol replied softly, picking up the now filled plates and bringing them to the table in the dining room. She didn’t want to lie to Therese, but she also didn’t want to burden the younger woman with her own family matters, especially not now that she had to focus all of her energies on the upcoming graduation.

“You seem…distracted. You’d tell me if something was wrong, wouldn’t you?” Therese asked as they both finally sat at the table.

“There’s nothing for you to worry about.”

“That’s not what I asked.”

 _Of course not._ Carol thought _._ It wouldn’t have been her Therese if she weren’t so persistent. 

Sliding her hand across the table, Carol grabbed the brunette’s hand in hers, squeezing in reassurance. “Yes, I would.”

They ate in silence for the rest of the dinner. Therese had soon found out that what Carol had  wasn’t just a simple meal, but more like a culinary experience. She liked to lit up candles in the evening, set the table, and put on some classical music that would play in the background while she silently enjoyed the fine tastes of food.

When they were finally done, Therese wiped her mouth and cleared her throat.

“So, I’ve been meaning to ask you… would you be up for that dinner I mentioned, you know for my graduation, on Saturday? I know it’s very short notice so if you can’t arrange something for Rindy in time it’s fine, I understand. Or, I was thinking that we could eat at my place around 6.30 so she could come and it wouldn’t be too late for her? Or I could try and ask if they have another table available before 7, although last time I spoke to them they told me they were all booked up, but maybe someone has cancelled an – “

“Therese.”

“Yes?”

“Don’t change your plans. Keep your reservation, I’m sure I can arrange something. If Jacqueline isn’t available on Saturday, I’ll ask Abby for a favor, either way…I won’t miss it.” She said, bringing the young woman’s hand to her lips and placing a soft kiss there.

Therese beamed at her, excitement glowing in her eyes. “Okay.”

“You know..” Carol started, focusing intently on Therese and raising her brows suggestively. “This will be our first official event together as a…couple.”

She grinned. “Yes, I’ve thought about it. It also occurred to me that I’ve never called you my girlfriend.”

“Girlfriend…” Carol repeated drawing her lower lip between her teeth. “I like the sound of it. Been so long.”

“So, can I introduce you as my girlfriend?”

“To whom?” She asked curiously.

“To Dannie…”

“Doesn’t he know already? About us.”

Therese scratched her temple. “Not really. As far as he knows you’re still just my… teacher crush,” Therese said, mumbling the last two words.

“Ah!” Carol exclaimed, bursting into a loud laugh. “Was I ever your teacher crush Ms. Belivet?” She said, playfully touching Therese’s leg with her foot under the table.

Therese scoffed. “You’re kidding me right? I could barely follow your lectures…” She confessed, hiding the faint blush creeping up her cheeks behind the glass of wine.

“Is that so?” Carol asked teasingly. “Well, you certainly did a great job at concealing it… in fact, I had a feeling you rather hated my guts.”

“I did not,” Therese was quick to reply as embarrassment overtook her face.

Carol raised her eyebrows unconvinced, keeping her gaze torturously fixed on the younger woman.

“Okay maybe, just maybe, a little. But just because I thought you hated me too…”

“Well,” said Carol as she stood up to sit on the armrest of Therese’s chair, and placing two fingers under her chin she tilted the girl’s head back to give her a soft kiss on the lips. “Just so you know, that is the furthest thing from the truth.”

 

***

 

**August – 1993**

 

It had been four months since Carol visited home. After moving to Manhattan, life had become increasingly hectic. Her Master’s degree was proving to be tougher and more time-consuming than she had anticipated, and with her father pressuring her to graduate earlier, simultaneously achieving the highest grades, she had little to no spare time left. Not to mention how she had only recently started to really go out again after her latest devastating break-up. She was well aware she had been neglecting the friendships she had recently created, more so the ones she still had at home.

Carol never looked forward to coming back. The house she used to live in had gradually grown unfamiliar – almost uncomfortable. The relationship with her parents, albeit it had always been strained at best, kept on deteriorating; her father especially, becoming ever more demanding of her since she left – more _attentive_ to her whereabouts or the people she knew.

She hated coming home and Carol always made it a point to keep the visits to a minimum: Christmas, Thanksgiving, and sometimes in the summer. Her friends were the real reason she was still anchored to this place. She had talked to Sarah on the phone the other day, and they had finally met this morning over a coffee. This evening she was walking down a familiar street. Small but well-kept houses were all lined up next to each other, and despite the modesty of this neighborhood, it looked very welcoming and intimate, with that smell of home-made dinner and the children happily playing outside, it gave Carol a sense of _home,_ almost a sense of family, that she never felt not even in her own house.

It had been years since she last came here. She remembered she was wearing her favorite pair of white all-stars and neon blue socks, and now here she was in her high stilettos and designer suit.

She immediately recognized the house, although obviously more dilapidated than what she remembered it still looked the same. Oddly, the grass of the lawn was high as if it hadn’t been mowed in months, and the front porch looked almost abandoned, covered in old dried leafs, and several forgotten newspapers; still, to Carol everything looked like the last time she had been here.

She opened the small gate at the entrance and walked up the steps of the porch that lead to the front door. So many memories coming to mind as she stood there like she’d done so many times in the past, waiting for Mr. or Mrs. Sulewski to greet her. She felt so bad for not having visited them in such a long time. They had always been so nice to her, taking her in as if she was part of the family too.

The door finally swung open, revealing the small fragile figure of an old lady, and although she wasn’t who Carol was expecting to see she immediately recognized her.

“Hello Mrs. Rose.”

“Caroline? Oh my, this is such a nice surprise. Don’t just stand there, come on in please,” the old lady said taking a step back to let Carol walk through.

“Oh my dear lord, you were fifteen when I last saw you?”

“Sixteen,” Carol replied with a warm smile on her face.

“Well, look at you now. What a beautiful woman you’ve grown up to be. Would you like some tea dear? I’ve just put the water to boil.”

Carol looked around the kitchen, taking in the familiar surroundings, then she grabbed a chair and sat down at the round table facing the older woman. “Yes, that would be great.”

“How have you been?” Mrs. Rose asked as she busied herself placing two cups on a tray along with a jar of sugar and a small ceramic pitcher with milk in it.

“I’ve been… good. I’m currently halfway through my Master’s degree in Fine Arts.”

The old lady gave her a big wrinkled smile. “Good, good. I remember that’s what you’ve always wanted to do. If only Terrence had done the same with his life…”

At the mention of his name Carol’s face brightened. “I assume he must be out now? I tried to call him earlier but he didn’t pick up, so I decided to stop by. Is he coming back soon?”

“Pardon?” asked the old woman with confusion.

“Terrence… is he coming back any time soon? I can wait here if he is.”

“Oh dear… hasn’t my grandson told you?”

Carol’s brows drew together. “Told me what?”

“He’s in Somalia now.”

“I don’t understand,” she said shaking her head.

“He joined when my daughter died…”

Suddenly the color drained out of her face. “A-Amanda?”

Glancing up at the ceiling the older lady shook her head in disbelief. “He took it very hard, understandably so, but I thought that at least his closest friends knew. She had been sick for a while, darling…years actually. My daughter passed away six months ago. Will, that poor man, he started drinking when his wife died… must be…five months since we last saw him? Yes, five months,” Mrs. Rose repeated. “Because that’s when Terrance finally decided to join the army.”

 

***

 

The soft music was filling the air as Therese’s fingers delicately glided over the piano keys, her back straight and her head down, she was utterly lost in the melody she was recreating. The notes hit Carol’s ears while she was sitting down on the couch reading a book. They were distant, yet she felt them in her very core, vibrating and possessing, spreading through her body like a tingling sensation.

The room was bathed in the warm glow of a lamp in the corner near the place where Carol was reading, and the few candles that Therese insisted on lighting up.

She was dressed in her pajamas, the ones she borrowed from Carol one night and that now had come to be hers; the old t-shirt and worn out shorts that, to the older woman, symbolized Therese’s presence in her _home_. They weren’t borrowed anymore, they were simply Therese’s, just like the yellow toothbrush stored in the bathroom, and the drawer that Carol had cleaned out for the brunette and that she still needed to find the courage to show her.

It had been a few days now, Therese staying the night. It was Carol who asked again – it was always Carol who had the hardest time parting. The first time had been a little awkward, with Therese sleeping in the guest room and Carol not sleeping at all. She had handed her the pajamas and kissed her goodnight on the cheek. She didn’t want to presume they’d be sleeping in the same bed, not after all they’d been through. All Carol needed was knowing they were close to each other.

The second night she didn’t have to ask; Therese stayed over for dinner, and after a while she just changed into the same shirt a shorts and came back to snuggle up to Carol on the couch, and when they both felt the tiredness taking over they had kissed each other goodnight, and went to sleep in separate rooms. The third night, just a little past 1am, while Carol had once again been struggling to fall asleep, she heard the soft cracking sound of footsteps on the hardwood floor of her bedroom, and then the warmth of Therese’s body as she tucked herself under the covers.

They fell asleep entangled in each other’s arms.

The soft sound of the keyboard was still filling the room. Therese was so lost in concentration that she didn’t hear Carol walking behind her, and was snapped back into reality by the delicate touch of Carol’s hands on her shoulders. Her movements faltered but never came to a stop. She kept playing the piano while she felt Carol sitting down on the bench next to her, her back facing the big instrument.

“Why do I have a feeling that you keep hiding your best parts from me? I didn’t know you could play…”

Therese shrugged, taking her fingers off the piano.

“It’s beautiful,” Carol said softly as she placed a small kiss on Therese’s shoulder. She felt her warm breath on her skin, their bodies so close to each other radiating heat and incommensurable want. Therese turned her head to look at Carol. Her eyes were so blue tonight, clear and powerful, they reminded Therese of a breathtaking waterfall.

Carol had changed in her robe, and as Therese’s gaze slowly travelled down she noticed how the piece of clothing did nothing to cover the nude skin underneath. If it was done on purpose or not she didn’t know, and she didn’t care – all she wanted to do was to feel that softness once again under her own hands.

“Carol,” came out like a breathless whisper.

She felt the blonde’s lips now briefly touching her neck, she heard carol inhaling her scent, and the next thing she knew was that Carol was taking her hand and guiding her in the master bedroom.

Their lips touched, tenderly at first, but then the kiss deepened and deepened becoming ravenous, and a moan escaped her mouth and Carol’s hand was now fisting her hair while her lips traveled lower to her jaw, then to her neck, and Therese could feel it – she could _feel_ the intensity of her desire quickly pooling low in her abdomen, she could feel her heart rate becoming erratic, and her breathing shallow, and that familiar burning tingling sensation spreading through her body.

And yet, as much as she _needed_ to be taken right here and right now, there was another desire, stronger than ever, that had been growing and growing for a long time now. She wanted _Carol._ She wanted Carol to give up her control and trust her with it; she wanted Carol naked and stripped down of her barriers; she wanted Carol and all of her pleasure.

She wanted to worship her and she wanted to love her in a way Carol had never really allowed her to.

She grabbed both her arms by the wrists, stopping the delicious sensation that Carol was giving her. Then she saw it in her eyes, the confusion, because Therese had never stopped the attention that Carol so selflessly gave to her, and before she could say something, Therese kissed her lips once again then whispered in her ear.

“Let me.”

A soft smile stretched Carol’s lips, then she gave Therese a quick nod, and that was all she needed before Therese started undoing the belt of Carol’s robe. It parted exposing the woman’s figure underneath. She was wearing red lace, but her breasts were free of any confinements, there for Therese to touch them, to feel their weight under her palms.

Her hand touched Carol’s hip, then she slowly trailed it up to her ribs, and when she finally made contact with her soft flesh she heard Carol drawing in a sharp breath. She looked once again in her eyes, before she finally eased the robe off her shoulders and let it drop to the floor.

To Carol it almost felt like her first time all over again, and in some way it was; the first time in years since she’d let anyone undress her, since she’d let anyone touch her for her own sole pleasure. Since she had last allowed someone else control over her body and soul. And for the first time in a long time, it felt good – it felt _right_. Too many years spent keeping herself away from the dreaded precipice; the unknown, the prospect of loss, did not frightened Carol anymore. She was ready to give her whole self to Therese.

The young woman took Carol’s hand and guided her to the bed. Carol was about to lie down when she felt Therese softly grabbing her shoulders keeping her where she was sitting down on the edge of the mattress.

A warm dim glow invaded the bedroom as Therese flicked the lamp on. The brunette took a few steps backward, and Carol had never felt so naked as she was feeling now with Therese’s eyes taking in every inch of her exposed body, for Carol had never been the subject of this attentive scrutiny – at least not in a very long time. There was a degree of vulnerability at being observed so intimately and defenselessly that she could never allow,  and yet, with Therese she couldn’t help but feeling safe and beautifully confident.  

Therese placed her hand on the back of Carol’s neck, stroking the base of her head. She brushed a strand of golden hair away and caressed the spot under Carol’ eye, where time had kindly left its signs.

“Don’t I get to see you too?” Carol asked seeing as Therese was still fully clothed. She smiled at the older woman before she took off the shirt and stepped out of her shorts, remaining in just her underwear.

One of Carol’s hands skimmed over Therese’s belly, and then she closed the distance between them kissing the young woman just below her breasts.

“I love you Therese, so much,” she said as she leaned back placing both her hands on the bed behind her. She parted her legs wider giving Therese better access – offering herself to her. Therese climbed on top of her and straddled her lap. She started to nibble Carol’s pulse point, sensually scraping her teeth there, and taking in the sweet perfume radiating from Carol’s neck. It was intoxicating to have Carol all over her body, her scent, her skin, her warmth, the softness of her curves.

She trailed light kisses along her neck, down to her collarbone, while her hand moved over Carol’s breast cupping and fondling her flesh and one of her erect nipples, which caused her to release a breathy moan. Therese’s sensual ministrations continued and soon she was feeling the rhythmic rotations of Carol’s hips under her own body, creating a sweet friction that could have been enough to bring Therese to the edge. She fixed her gaze on the blonde, and was overwhelmed by the intensity in Carol’s eyes, by her presence in this moment, because while the other few times Therese had tried to express her love for her like this she was only ever met with distance and carefully measured reactions, today she _knew,_ she just knew _,_ that Carol was finally living in that moment.

“You’re so beautiful,” the younger woman whispered.

The words, as simple as they were, sent shivers down Carol’s spine. She grabbed Therese’s hand and guided it to her soaked panties. “I’m so wet Therese…for you,” Carol’s voice was low and sultry. “Do you feel what you do to me?” She asked when the brunette’s fingers slid beneath the piece of lace and found her center, slick and smooth with arousal.

“Do you feel ho – “ Therese’s strokes were light and exploratory but enough to make Carol’s breath get caught in her throat. “how much I crave you in me?” Suddenly she stopped Therese’s hand taking it once again in her own, and held it up between them. “I’m all yours,” she finally said as she lay down onto the bed. She gave a quick pat on Therese’s hip, signaling her to lift herself up a bit, before she hooked her fingers under the waistband of her panties, and eased the garment off her long legs.

The sight before Therese’s eyes was something she could never get used to, not even in the following decades she already knew she wanted to spend with Carol.

Her mouth watered in need of a taste, but as much as she wanted to lose herself in the sweetness of Carol’s arousal, right now she yearned for the sight of the older woman coming undone. She wasted no time climbing on top of Carol, this time disposing of her own underwear. Her fingers found her nipples again, teasing the hardened nubs just to observe the way Carol’s brows twitched and her mouth slightly parted to emit one of the sexiest sounds Therese had ever heard.

Her hand finally moved lower across her belly until she reached her center. Dipping one finger between her folds she started stroking up and down, slowly and teasingly and first, as she captured one nipple between her teeth. She gently bit down the hardened flesh, gradually increasing the intensity to see the kind of reaction she could draw from Carol. A wanton whimper escaped the blonde’s mouth, as she threaded her fingers through brown hair, gently gripping and encouraging the younger woman’s ministrations.  

Therese sucked at her nipple one more time before she locked eyes with Carol and _finally_ entered her. She started fucking her slow and tenderly, savoring the sight of those small beautiful spasms in Carol’s lower abdomen whenever her thumb found and flicked her clit.

Therese wanted to make love to Carol for the rest of her life. She wanted to give her pleasure like no one else before her, she wanted to be unequalled and  incomparable, she wanted to give it all to Carol and make the woman hers.

“Fuck,” Carol breathed when Therese’s fingers found that sweet spot of hers. “God, more..” At Carol’s request Therese inserted one more finger inside of her, causing the woman’s back to arch up meeting Therese in this newly found frantic rhythm.

The sound of her cries were fueling Therese’s most intense desires. If Carol was already capable of making her throbbing and wet just by placing her hands on her body, the deep breathy moans Carol was allowing herself to let out for the very first time had Therese dripping with arousal.

Carol’s body squirmed under Therese’s so desperate for release.

“Come for me Carol,” Therese reached for her breast, kneading the warm flesh while her thumb gave a decisive stroke over Carol’s clit. At that, the older woman’s came violently undone, grabbing a fistful of the sheets beneath, as she emitted one last long throaty moan, erupting in the most powerful orgasm Therese had ever drawn out of her.

As Carol’s breath came back to normal, Therese noticed a single tear trickling down to her ear.

“Carol? I-is everything okay? Did I do something wro – ?”

She was immediately silenced by the woman’s soft fingers on her lips. Carol cupped Therese’s head and pulled her down to give her a long loving kiss.

“It was perfect Therese. _You_ are perfect,” she confessed bringing the younger woman down chest to chest, and wrapping her arms around her lean body. “You probably have no idea how much this meant for me darling, but it was more than I could have ever asked for.”

“I know.”

 

***

 

He flicked the filter of his cigarette carelessly over the ashtray, causing the cinder to sprinkle a bit across his desk. He drew in one last puff of smoke letting it set into his lungs, then he leaned forward taking the big swivel chair with him and crushed out the cigarette.

He glanced to his right, to the set of framed pictures staring back at him; the one of a woman holding a little girl in her arms, the other of his younger self standing in front of the national flag wearing a green beret with a black uniform, and blankly looking straight into the camera. It had been taken years ago, before his days as a PI, and before Mr. Ross took him under his wing.

Now Tony was a different man.

At 7.30pm on the clock the phone rang. Same hour every day; he knew who it was.

“Do me a favor, will you?” said the gravelly voice on the other end. “Find Hargess, explain to him, as diplomatically as you can, that he might have missed a point here… that he was supposed to keep my daughter close as his _wife_ , not ineptly threatening her with compromising information. Tell him, if those photographs become public I will personally make sure it will be the last time he steps foot in my city.”

“Yes, Sir.”

“And try to find out what else he’s up to. This man’s an idiot as much as he is quick-tempered.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would love to hear what you guys think of this chapter. As always, I'm beyond grateful for all of your support, thank you <3 
> 
> Ps. I know which part a lot of you were waiting for... don't worry, a certain thing will make its appearance in the following chapters;)


	19. Happiness Hit Her (Like a train on a track)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is part 1 of a too long chapter that I had to split in two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been... what, two months since I last updated? But you know when life keeps giving you lemons - and on top of that my laptop broke, so I had nowhere to write for quite some time.  
> I am so sorry for this super late chapter, but I hope you're still all with me!  
> P.s I would reccomend maybe reading the last one again (since it's been so long) so as not to miss any detail in the narrative, you know how I like to keep things mysterious and subtle, which I understand might make it diffult to keep up with the story.  
> P.p.s I’ve just realized I first published this story close to nine months ago, I can't believe the support you've been showing me since then - Thank you so much  
> XX

“Morning Pauline,” Harge greeted his secretary as he walked across the lobby of his office in Lower Manhattan. The heels of his black polished shoes made a tapping sound against the marble floor making all his employees painfully aware of his presence. The moment he would enter the office everyone was inevitably subjected to his attentive examination, causing the devoted employees to squirm in their seats as they waited for his daily approval. 

“Good morning Chief,” said Pauline from behind her desk, with a quick bow of her head as a sign of courtesy. Pauline was Harge’s oldest and most loyal employee, a woman in her late sixties who had been working dutifully for the same department for decades, even before Harge’s arrival at the DA's office. She was the only one who wasn’t affected by his brusque manners and perfectionist standards – in fact she was very much supportive of his often questionable professional choices.

“Mr. Aird,” she called standing up from her chair. “There’s a man in your office. I told him to wait outside but he insisted. He told me you were acquainted and that you were expecting him.”

“Did he say his name?” Harge asked keeping his eyes on one of the documents that needed his signing.

“No, he – “

Pauline was suddenly cut short by Harge holding up his firm hand. He grabbed the newspaper along with the cup of hot coffee that his secretary had made sure was ready before his arrival –  just like any other morning – and made his way into his office.

 “Oh for Christ’s sake,” Harge muttered under his breath at the sight of Tony waiting for him sitting on one of the chairs in front of his desk.

“Hargess.”

“What do you want?” he asked skipping the pleasantries as he walked behind the desk facing Tony directly.

Tony didn’t reply. He took his time studying Harge as he proceeded to clean and tidy up an already immaculate desk. Tony had always thought those repetitive and obsessive activities verged on a latent form of ocd – coupled with his insufferable personality it was almost unnerving to watch him meticulously rearranging some objects only to have them end up in the exact initial position.

“I’ve heard you’ve been seeking the services of another professional,” the former soldier said scratching his stubbly chin.

Harge leaned back on his chair, lacing his hands together over the wooden surface in front of him.

“I don't know what you're talking about,” he said in a monotonous voice.

Tony sighed. “The other Private Investigator you've hired for that nice 'photo-shoot' of your wife? Ring any bell? You must admit that was low even for you Harge. Not to mention reckless and damn stupid.”

“And how the fuck would you know about that?” He asked through gritted teeth. With flaming eyes and his jaw squared, it was glaringly obvious to the PI he was desperately clinging to his self -control.

“Everyone can be bought. You of all people should know that.”

At that Harge's face darkened and Tony could see his fists clenching hard turning his knuckles white.

“You were given clear instructions by Mr. Ross. Your only duty was to be her husband...now, I don't know about you, but I don't think that pushing the divorce _you_ are obviously the one to blame for into the direction of a fight for sole custody is the best way to do that.”

Harge scoffed. “Don't you come in here talking as if you actually knew my wife. _I_ know Carol... she'd do anything for her daughter, anything not to be separated from her. She'll come around and if she won't I'll think of something else. She's _my_ wife. Her place is with me,” he said taking his eyes off of Tony only to carefully adjust the angle of his appointment book. “Not that you have any knowledge on how to keep a marriage.”

A cruel sneer appeared on his angular face. He wanted to let Tony know that he too had some private information about him. That he knew his wife had abandoned him, taking her things and their little girl one morning several years ago because she couldn't cope with his PTSD anymore. She never came back, leaving Tony vulnerably alone when he was pulled into the intricate web of Mr. Ross' world and interests – the man he used to know as the father of her once best friend, and that now he inevitably came to see as a father figure himself.

Nonetheless, Tony didn't budge. He had seen too much of this world to be affected by the words of a man like Hargess Aird.

“Call your lawyer Harge, and tell him you've changed your mind about custody, and get rid of those pictures – burn them if you want –  I don't care…but make sure they'll never see the light of day again. I have no mercy when it comes to men like you.”

Harge’s eyes narrowed. “Are you threatening the District Attorney?”

“Consider it a warning,” Tony said getting up from his seat and throwing a brown envelope on Harge's neat and tidy desk. “From the Senator. Just a reminder that the same way he's made you he can easily destroy you.”

“You're more of a fool than I thought if you think you're any different than me.”

 

***

 

He sat in his SUV as he took long deep drags of his cigarette. Looking out of the window he studied the three figures walking out of an ice cream parlor and in the direction of the park. He had followed Carol just like any other day, only this time, as he watched the woman he used to love like a younger sister, his mind was oddly being consumed by something he hadn't felt in a long time – regret perhaps – like an old friend paying him a long overdue visit.

He had been close to her for many years now, following Carol almost daily when it was required of him, and never in the time he had spent working for Mr. Ross had he seen Carol so genuinely happy, like she was now, scooping a mouthful of that Therese Belivet's ice cream and softly kissing her on the cheek without a care in the world as they both watched Rindy chasing some birds by the lake.

He had always known what he was doing, what was asked of him, and being so devoted to Mr. Ross he had never questioned any of his requests. But all these recent events, witnessing Carol on the brink of being shredded to pieces once again, now stuck between her father's greedy thirst for power and Harge's sick possessiveness, he didn't know if he could still be the one indirectly responsible for this woman's unhappiness.

Enough was enough.

And although he knew her father would never cross certain lines with her, he wasn't so sure about her husband anymore. Although Harge was a smart man his greatest fault was being uncontrollably impulsive – a trait that Tony was sure would have prevented him from succeeding and getting him where he was now hadn’t been for Mr. Ross. He had chosen him. The ideal candidate for being his daughter’s husband – greedy enough to be bought but witless enough to be kept on a leash.

But Tony could feel his impulsivity rising with every passing day, his desire to prevail and prove the world – and most importantly himself – that he was able to keep his wife, a woman that, in his twisted mind, had been served on a silver platter with a bow on top.

Tony was starting to wonder what he would do when he found out the young brunette was still very much close to his wife.

 

***

 

Carol heard her clearing her throat. She put down the newspaper she was reading that morning at the table while having a late breakfast and was faced with a nervous yet eager-looking Therese.

“So I was thinking…”

The younger woman started as she took a sit on the same chair where Carol had her feet casually propped on.

She took a sip of her coffee and looked at Therese from behind her black-rimmed glasses as she waited for her to continue.

“About the reasons why you started going to the club,” the brunette said never taking her eyes off of her.

Carol raised her brows, partly in surprise and partly in amusement, “Because it’s private and discreet,” she conceded.

“Yes,” Therese replied with a quick nod. “But also because you like sex.”

Carol let out a low chuckle. “I don’t think I’ve ever kept that a mystery Therese.”

“Right, but…the point is that you don’t just like sex...” The younger woman trailed off, her face momentarily showing an hint of insecurity before she wiped it off completely.

 “You like it _hardcore,_ Carol,” Therese stated matter-of-factly.

“Well, that was bold,” Carol took off her glasses and put the paper down, now giving Therese her undivided attention.

 “I’ve been around the club long enough to know exactly the range of the costumer’s preferences, and I recall, quite vividly, you telling me you wanted to tie me up and blindfold me.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s not wha – “

“It’s called making allusions,” Therese interjected.

A smirk appeared on Carol's face, not really sure where Therese was going with this but enjoying it nonetheless. “What's your point?”

She took a deep breath. “What if… I’m into _that_ too?” Therese asked nervously rubbing her palms together, that trace of insecurity making a reappearance. “What if I want us to do all those things you’ve done with those other women?”

 “Therese…” Carol started shifting uncomfortably on her seat.

“No, Carol. I know what you like and I think I want that too, and _believe_ me, I remember all of our conversations back at the club,” she said referring to those first times when she knew the woman hiding behind the mask while Carol shamelessly teased her unaware of Therese's identity. “What I don't understand is why you seem to have changed.”

“It’s different. You’re not one of them,” Carol said as she got up from the seat.

Therese’s brows furrowed. Her eyes followed the blonde as she walked into the kitchen and put her coffee mug in the sink, letting the water run to fill it and preventing the remnants from staining the ceramic cup. Self-doubt washed over her as she started thinking that perhaps Carol didn’t want to engage in those type of activities with _her_.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” She asked joining the older woman behind the kitchen counter.

“Darling,” Carol caressed Therese's cheek before she continued. “Those women came to me willingly, because they _wanted_ it. I’m afraid you’d be agreeing to do this _for_ me, and not because it’s really what you want.”

“I want it,” she said resolutely, grabbing Carol’s wrist in her hand. “And besides, how can I know if I never try?”

Carol sighed. Therese had a point, how could she be sure if she didn't experience it first. And the curiosity she was showing now was a good sign – a starting point for taking more than a few steps forward into their sexual life. But how much of that curiosity was sparked by an inner desire rather than wanting to do something that was just not in her nature only to give Carol what Therese thought she needed?

Truth be told Carol wasn’t really sure about herself either. The club had changed her; the need to use it as an escape from her life – born from years of deprivation and repression – and most importantly the imperative need to keep that part of her, and everything that it embodied, hidden like some dirty secret, made it feel like some act of depravity.

She did not want that to taint what she had with Therese.

Carol looked at her pensively, wondering if she would be able one day to separate her past from the present.

 “So it's a no?”

She sighed. “I’m afraid so.”

Therese crossed her arms in that stubborn way which Carol knew was her way of telling her she wasn’t going to drop this anytime soon; not that it surprised Carol, that woman really was the most persistent she had ever known.

Nevertheless, Therese decided to momentarily focus on something more forthcoming and highly anticipated.

“I’m gonna go home later.”

A frown appeared on Carol’s face as she looked at her incredulously making Therese grin. Every time it was the same; Therese would tell Carol she needed to go back – mainly because she didn’t like the idea of leaving her apartment empty for extended periods of times, fearing that someone might notice her lengthy absences and take advantage of it and break in – and Carol would _always_ convince her to stay. Not that she complained – in fact, she would be immediately struck by an overwhelming sense of loss whenever she left Carol’s apartment.  So, Therese would head back just to get more of her stuff: a fresh change of clothes, her flat iron (because she claimed it was the only one that worked to straighten her thick hair), or clean outfit for the club, and then go back to Carol.

She had brought almost all of her books to study for her final exams, her portfolio to finish up her thesis, and when she had said she needed to do more research Carol had provided her with all the required material straight from her personal library. Sprawled in front of her had been textbooks and manuals, some of which had helped Carol with her own final project for her Master’s degree. At one point Therese had joked about being advantaged for sleeping with the lecturer and Carol had responded with one of her glares.

“What? Why?” asked Carol.

“Because it’s Saturday. We have our dinner, remember?”

“ _Your_ dinner, it’s really all for you darling. And of course I remember.”

“Well, I want to get ready at my place. I just – I want it to be a surprise,” Therese said as she hopped off the stool and went to hug Carol, placing her head against the blonde’s chest.

Carol hugged her back, encircling her arms around Therese’s shoulders and placing a kiss on top of her head. “I can’t wait for tonight.”

Therese smiled and nuzzled the spot just below Carol’s jawline. “What will you be wearing?”

“Nuh-uh,” Carol hugged her tighter. “It’s a surprise for you too, my dear.”

“Mmh…okay, I like that,” she said smiling and touching the blonde’s mouth with hers.

Therese’s lips parted giving access to Carol’s tongue and a soft hum of encouragement escaped her mouth as the older woman’s warm hands found the base of Therese’s back underneath her tank top, slowly traveling down until she reached the hem of her shorts and gently, but firmly, squeezed the flesh of her small bottom.

The abrupt _ting_ of Therese’s phone signaled a new incoming e-mail, disrupting their morning make-out moment. She groaned and reached out for the device laying on the counter. Having been waiting for her new work schedule she just couldn’t ignore the notification.

She clicked on the mail app and immediately noticed the message was sent from her bank. When she opened her face washed blank, first with confusion and then with utter shock. She felt the ground moving under her feet, as if it was collapsing on itself; blood rushed to her brain, pumping loudly in her head the way it does when something unexpectedly shocking happens.

She read the email again – and then once again. Three times, four times, still too unbelievable to be real. She heard Carol calling her name from a distance, and Therese figured she must have looked like she’d just seen a ghost. She read one more time the words that confirmed the debt for her student loan had been reduced by more than two thirds.

“Therese!”

She heard Carol’s voice again, and this time it was accompanied by both her hands on Therese’s shoulders.

“What’s wrong? You’re scaring me.”

Therese looked at Carol. Her sight, momentarily blurred, finally focused on the pair of grey eyes staring back at her. She didn’t let out a word, instead she passed Carol her phone and let the older woman read it herself.

Carol’s brows furrowed slightly, and her mouth twitched almost imperceptibly. She looked back at the stunned brunette and smiled softly. “That is… great – it’s great news Therese, isn’t it?” She said softly and cautiously.

Therese shook her head. “This can’t be true Carol. It-it can’t be real. There must be some kind of mistake,” Therese said out of breath.

“I’m pretty positive it isn’t. I wouldn’t say it’s something that happens often darling, but it has in the past.”

“How?”

“Uh… anonymous donors?”

“An anonymous donor,” Therese repeated incredulously. “Why would anyone want to do something like this for _me_?”

Carol watched as Therese’s face morphed into her usual intense expression, the one she has when she’s thinking hard and desperately trying to connect the dots. Her eyes moved side to side and Carol could almost _see_ the thought process happening inside her mind, wanting more than ever to make sense of something so seemingly impossible. She knew what Therese was feeling, Carol could sense the fear that came with the prospect of blindly accepting something so big.

“You want to know what I’d do?” She started when she didn’t get any response from Therese. “I would call the bank to make sure there hasn’t been any mistakes, and if they confirm its correctness, then I would consider it an unexpected gift for my graduation.”

Carol’s hand gently cupped Therese’s cheek while she leaned closer to place a chaste kiss on her forehead, then she did the same on her lips, brushing away a strand of brown hair from Therese’s face. She stayed close to her, her face an inch from Therese’s while she softly let her finger trace the contour of the young woman’s face.

“You deserve this more than anyone else.”

Carol felt tears spilling down Therese’s eyes, leaving long wet streaks on her cheeks which she wiped away with her thumbs. Therese gave her a watery smile, and the beautiful sound of a chuckle of happiness. Carol could feel a new lightness in her spirit, she could see the burdens being lifted off her shoulders, and the glimpse of her bright future shining in her sparkly green eyes.

There was nothing that could fill Carol with pride and love more than seeing the woman she loved so beautifully happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone's anger is boiling up...
> 
> I crave your wonderful feedback <3
> 
> Also, I'm just happy to see my two babies happy, can I just say that?  
> 


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